Need help/tips writing shoujo romance

[GesuGesu]

I only have a basic plot outline, and don't know how to fill in the nitty gritty details..
I need help to fill in the details from #3-#5

1) Young, naive teenage girl gets dumped by her BF
2) Hot dude picks her up and she's whisked away to a magical alternate world where for some reason, only males live there, and she is their designated "princess"

3) Typical reverse harem romance: 3 guys keep trying to woo the Main Character
4) 3 guys have some friction among each other because they're all trying to get the same girl
5) 1 guy gets the girl in the end

6) "I'm so happy, I never dreamed once in my life I could achieve love and happiness in another world...!"
7) ".... huh?" (All is dark)
8) The girl's top half has been chewed off and eaten by the guy she ended up with. He is actually a monster.
9) All the male residents of this alternate universe are female-eating spirits. They ate all their own kind already, and summon a female from another world once in a while so they don't starve and die out.
10) Because only one female can cross over at a time, it's become a survival contest of trickery to 'seduce' their prey into choosing them.

[DarkSilverWings]

This plot sounds really interesting, what exactly do you want help with in those details?

[J.Lovelace]

Make sure each of the guys that wants to get the girl has a different approach, and is different in personality. Going with the cliche, one would be smart/nerdy, one loud and extroverted and one can be romantic and flirty etc. Each has something the girl likes which makes her hard to decide.

I like the ending lol

[JKNNKL]

hubbnhuhn uinnijin frrrffrtfft jiijijijmmji

[J.Lovelace]

^ good one! Hahahaha

[JKNNKL]

nhunhuhnun byggybuyb ,pookiomiomgyyyggyuh

[GesuGesu]

How to make the romance believable, yet typically cliche for teenage romance.

The female heroine is supposed to be naive and falls for whatever dude seduces her best. The guys act typically cliche while hiding their true intentions to chew on some limbs.

[GesuGesu]

This one is good! Thank you!!

[DarkSilverWings]

There's a lot of ways to do this I think!
Maybe the innocent kinda guy that was roped into this situation by his hunger so he's the tsundere kind of innocent like Yukine from Noragami, and he's often saying things like "..if I didn't want you around I wouldn't be around you" when she sometimes thinks he's annoyed
Obviously the one who's too smooth and initially the girl is easily swept away by his charms but depending on her character her protective instinct either takes over or in a fit of headstrong emotions she decides she won't foll for him
The unintentional beauty who's definitely the pretty boy, nice clothes long lashes and a permanent nice smile, often looks sleepy or tired but it makes him even more cute to her and he says things like "ah it's been so much easier to do things with you around"

[nolongerusetheforum]

Throw all the lines like : ' I will die without you by my side' which is true because she is their food, 'I love your smell' again true because she smells delicious to them, or throw some scene where the guy looks pale and acting like they are sick and that makes the girl think the guy is frail while in reality, he is just hungry.

Makes the male do sweet stuff as in taking her touring across the place, show her around and even have some romantic melancholy scene where they see the pictures of the previous female and then the guy is crying and then the girl thinking 'he must be really lonely without them' while the guy is actually remembering how he always lost against everyone else and this is the first time in a while he finally get a prey.

Have some outstanding balls with the girl and the guy dancing all night.

Also, make sure there is some blushing moments between them. Or even awkward moments such as maybe the guy accidentally see her changing her clothes and well, the reader will think the guy might be a pervert but he is actually sizing her up for dinner...

Oh my gosh, I seriously love this idea XD

[GesuGesu]

I didn't want to spoil the rest of the story, but i think context is necessary for help.

These tips are helpful, thanks!

[Jenny-Toons]

Revives post O-O

I just saw this post and I had to comment because I love the premise!! XD
You've got some nice horror elements that are subtle and masqueraded under a cheesy Shoujo soap opera. I love it, and I need it >.<

[xanedis]

Just like @nolongerusetheforum said, make sure to drop those small bits of foreshadowing so that the twist doesn't come out of nowhere. This is certainly a plot that has a lot of potential, however, I would suggest adding some macabre/dark elements(perhaps a certain side-character has a collection of creepy-looking dolls in their house) so that a reader will be struck with a small feeling of unease and they'll start suspecting that this isn't just a typical shoujo story. Don't go overboard with it, just small bits of strangeness in a seemingly innocent story.

You see, if there's no foreshadowing of the aforementioned kind, reader backlash could become immense("We didn't want to read this kind of a story!"). Make sure that your story reaches its target audience.

[GesuGesu]

I... just suck at writing a believable cheesy romance. I'm okay with horror =D

[fuyudust]

I'm not good at writing so I have no tip for you, I just want to say that plot twist is so good, I like it.

[xanedis]

Everything's a learning experience. You could research what kind of romance your favourite stories did(romance doesn't even need to be the main genre here - read about romance from everywhere and everything). Then just write things your way, but make sure that the character interactions are reasonable and sensible.

rubs his forehead Yeah, and maybe try writing a short romance story, first? One page or something. It'll give you a much better grasp on what a romantic story needs to be successful.

[AndromedaS]

I agree with the foreshadowing. Maybe one of the boys gets a bad day and they think Main Girl isn't there, so he reverts to his original personality and like destroys stuff around him and Main Girl kinda sees and is confused because he is "so nice" to her and then another one of the boys cover up for him with some lie or another like "he was orphaned at a young age and many people were mean to him" or "his dad abused him when he was younger." Just make sure the "lie" which Main Girl see as truth gives the boy a "tragic past" so the readers wouldn't be like "WHY IS HE EVIL?? THIS WAS SO UNEXPECTED" or "I KNEW HE WAS EVIL HAH" but more like "Is he a good character or bad character? Something in my gut tells me tells me something is off but....." Then later, you could make a scene between the boy with the bad day(I'll call him Boy 1) and the boy who came up with a lie for him(I'll call him Boy 2) and have Boy 2 reprimand Boy 1 for almost spilling the beans and stuff. Main Girl could also see this event.

Maybe there should be a drunk or sick scene where one of the boys tell her the truth about how they're going to eat her but in a really mysterious and indirect way so she doesn't take the hint and run to the Alps-equivalent of that world.

Also, I think there's some untapped potential with Main Girl's ex-boyfriend. It would be cool if like only broken-hearted girls can get into the magical alternate world, so the ex-boyfriend was sent to earth to seduce her then break her heart and in exchange, he made a deal to the guys in the other world that he'd get her left leg or something. I dunno, you can trash this idea if you want to, but it's something to think about.

I look forward to reading this novel, but before you publish it, you should close this thread and designate a chapter where you tell your readers not to go to this thread and post a link of it. Sure, some would click the link anyways because YOLO and drop the story once they find out about the ending, but there'll also be the people who wouldn't so they don't get spoiled. Either way, the point of this is so that a reader won't find this and get mad that they accidentally spoiled themselves.

Best of luck

[GesuGesu]

who said this was a novel? =D

[AndromedaS]

Oh, sorry, for some reason I just assumed this was a novel! Well, whatever form this concept will be in, I'm still looking forward to seeing it. Good luck!

[catluckey]

This reminds me of Diabolic Lovers...reversed harem. Only thing is the girl was completely stupid to the danger that surrounded her. This is a shoujo too...pretty boys (vampires), pretty innocent teenager girl. And all the vampire boys had different personalities, even a "Lolita" type always holding a teddy bear.

I stopped watching after a few episodes because that girl was so...ugh...clueless or weak...I don't know.

But it would be nice if your girl isn't totally clueless...that she has a brain and fighting spirit after being attacked. Making her a Jello-type damsel in distress ("Oh poor me...I didn't knoooow) is kind of insulting and a tired trope.

One good thing about stories is the element of "change." So what things change for these eating monsters when she enters their world? And what things change for her as she lives through this Bishie-laced nightmare?

Go with your gut...what you want to know and happen. Draw different scenarios out.

SHOUJO --- pretty boys, pretty girls, big sparkling eyes. And for her, it all goes down hill!

Success to you!