It's shaping up to be a neat story. I appreciate the sort of disorientation given through the first few chapters, and I feel like the Kyle chapter would've maybe thrown off a reader experiencing it as it first came out chronology-wise, but I dig it. One thing i'd draw your attention to is the use of tenses -- although the story is generally told in the past tense, there's a lot of points where you suddenly switch to present, and it sticks out a bit to me.
There's some minor spelling/grammar errors (I think I remember seeing "alley" being written as "ally" in Kyle's chapter, and I think there was something like "saying' in" where it should be "saying I'm" in Max's?) and some quoted sentences are missing punctuation at the end.
Honestly, though, for English being your second language, the writing generally flowed for me.
Overall, yeah, I think it's structured in an interesting way. I think of all the chapters, Ryan's was the one I enjoyed the most.
Since it's a promo thread, I'll link my work here, too, but don't feel obligated to check it out.
