Please review my comic, The Chronicles of SolLuna!

[GFalconDX]

Ever since I've started posting my comic, The Chronicles of SolLuna here on Tapastic last May, I've been wondering on how I can further improve the comic. Currently, it's on the 2nd chapter. I'm seriously debating on turning the 1st chapter of the comic into a printed version and follow suit with future chapters.

So, I am humbling asking anyone if they could spare a little bit of their time to review my comic and give some insight on how I can improve the story, layout, etc., and especially if I should even pursue trying to print the comic or not.

Thank you.

[dglisson]

Just checked it out and like the art style. Give me a couple of days to get through it and you will get a full review from me.

[allenthomas]

I like what I've seen so far. Very detailed backgrounds. Got a sub from me.

[Luie]

Hey I read your comic :>

Firstly, your city design is super nice and detailed. I like the way your world is designed in both the landscape and the people in it. However, many of the colors are so eye-popping that in some panels it's hard to establish what you wanted the focal point to be. By this, I don't mean change all the colors. But for example, page 4 bottom panel is so dark it took me a few seconds to actually figure out what is even happening. If printed, this page would be much darker than intended. In Ch2pg4 first panel, I know the focal point is supposed to be Nathan. Hes in the right position to be the focal point, but my eyes are instantly drawn towards the bright colors in the buildings brighter color background characters walking on a bright walkway. To be honest I didn't know the main character was even in the panel. A few easy fixes for establishing this kind of focal point is to brighten/contrast the character, eliminate colors that are close to the color of the focal point, or slightly lower the saturation of the background in comparison to the focal point. Ch1pg4 second panel (with the train) is a good example of what I mean. The train is the focal point, it has the brightest colors/contrasts in comparison to everything else in the panel (besides the one foreground character, but he's in the same place as the train).

Secondly, almost all of the shading appears to be done with black. In some panels (with human faces) the black shading looks a little off. Adding different or more saturated shading colors (with respect to their contrasting color) will make the coloring seem more rich and will look much better in printing.

This is an example of what I mean. In some panels, the shading appears more complex (with multiple colors gradiating into black), but it generally seems very unsaturated and sometimes mutes the original colors and some of the panels have so much black/dark color that it won't look good in print.

Third, the story. It hasn't gotten far so there's not much I can say about the plot. However, the scene with this woman character has me confused. I find it strange that this woman, whom was about to be stabbed or raped or something in front of her children, raves about how upset she is that her husband isn't there because he has to go do military things, and how dysfunctional the state of society is, before asking why she was saved, and before... well the whole hysterical "Oh my god I was almost just killed or something in front of my kids.". It honestly feels like this woman sees this as a mild annoyance. Not only that, but immediately after telling the main character she won't be needing him to save her ever again, she then asks if she'll ever see him again. Even her children are like "Mommy wat are you doooing?" If it weren't for the fact that she was wandering around the city with two small children and one on the way, this woman's behavior would instantly tell me she's either a villain or someone the reader shouldn't trust at all. But I don't know, maybe she is one of those things. If so, you have perfectly established one hell of a plot twist.

I can't say anything about the other two established characters yet. There isn't really much I know about them at this point. I know Nathan is a cleric, which I'm assuming means he can heal or see or sense things other people normally can't, and his job is to do that, in the name of justice and/or duty. The story has only gone as far as establishing his usual demeanor towards the environment and every-day things that happen around him, but has not yet got as far as challenging him. I don't know anything about the Captain other than he's got some really cool arms and a mystery to solve.

The description for this comic indicates there will be some uncovered secret that the main character has to deal with as his life suddenly crumbles into a million pieces, and cool conspiracies (I freakin love conspiracies), so I'm assuming things will pick up quickly as the plot progresses. So, I subscribed, I want to see what happens. You hooked me :Y

[GFalconDX]

Sorry for the late reply, but I want to thank you so much for the review. It really means a lot to me, and thanks to you, I know where I need improvements!

[nathankschulz]

I've subscribed and read the first few pages. The art is good and getting better. The writing solid, just waiting for the world to develop. "Nathan" is a great name for the hero
One thing, and this is more opinion than anything, is that you can stand to have the word captions and bubbles a bit smaller. Maybe half the size. They distracted me a little. But again, that's me.
Anyways, great stuff so far!

[GFalconDX]

Thank you for the review! I don't know if I'll shrink down the bubbles, mainly because I'm a little afraid that it'll be hard to read, but I'll see what I can do.

[dglisson]

OK, here's my full review after having read your comic:

First of all, I love the coloring personally. You do some great shading which really adds depth. The backgrounds, especially in the early pages, are also very good and definitely do a great job of visual world-building. That being said, although you are clearly going for a contrast between the "uppers city" and the "lower city" in the shadows, the colors and art do not vary enough to make that as obvious as I think you could have made it.
As for the art, I do like it but keep in mind that every line on the female face adds age.

The main issue I see so far is your pacing. For example, on the bottom of page 16, the cleric takes two full panels to silently walk out of frame. In my view, storytelling requires efficiency. If you see something taking two panels, figure out in the thumbnail stage whether it could be done in one, same if something takes two pages to happen could it happen in one? Now sometimes, for emotionally important moments or fight scenes, you may want to stretch things out to ensure we know the stakes and where everyone is located. Other than that, though, there were a few pages spent that did not provide exposition, or characterization... each page, each panel, should advance either plot or character somehow. Part of this is what explains how in 22 pages, plot-wise we see a guy save a woman and her kids, and then have an awkward conversation and give his name. We are not clear on the stakes and that needs to happen sooner in my opinion.

I don't mean this to sound harsh at all, again I am intrigued by the world you're building at this point and I like where the story appears to be going, and looking forward to seeing where you progress from here! If you want clarification on anything I've said feel free to ask me in this thread or PM me. Best of luck!

[Doubtcent]

Looking over what the comic is, it does have promise. You have a lot of good ideas for composition, as in the representation your world, but there's a few things that I find a bit distracting:

1. Color, shading, and textures
   Before I say anything, I gotta say your colors are pretty impressive.
   However, it's all over the place. One thing you should know about digital coloring is that you do not want to overwhelm the reader with too much color. Sometimes, simplicity goes a long way.
   So unless you're a shading and painting wizard, you may want to simplify your color palettes. The best way to do that is choose a main color for your scene, and color everything with similar colors or at least colors close to it on the color wheel. Then, if you want to have something contrast, choose a color from the opposite side of the color wheel. That way, your colors will pop, and you can even change your colors from scene to scene to add atmosphere.
   Next, your shading is a bit unfocused. Again, simplicity will help you in the long run. I say at most you should start with two layers dedicated for both highlights and shading, and avoid using the blending tool as much, except for some of your highlights or when making textures. Also as @Luie mentioned, you should start to drift away from shading anything with black. Keep your shadows flat when you can, and when you're comfortable with it you can start to blend where needed.
   Finally, I think you should step away from using pre-made textures and either not use them at all, or start making your own. Even though they're all in the background, too much texture can push the background to the foreground, and it makes it hard to focus on the characters.

2. Linework and paneling
   Again, you have a lot of talent in your linework. There is a lot of detail going on everywhere and the backgrounds are well within the same realm. Your linewidths are very good too. However, you could highly benefit from cleaning up your lines so that there's less "sketchiness". Sketchiness can be a good style if developed well enough, but a polished, smooth lined style is usually the best way to go if you're going for lots of detail.
   As for your panels, you've gotten better between chapter one and chapter two, but you should definitely fix how your panels hold your world a bit. One thing I've noticed is that none of your panels are closed off, which is fine, but your style makes it look like the outside borders were cut off. I think you should experiment a bit more on how your panels exist. Or at least make them more apparent that they exist. There are some times where I mixed up two panels being one simply because I mistook the line with the background.

3. Story
   Gotta say, your story needs little to no change, but maybe in how you present it. The speech bubs need a bit of polish, and where the tails point are sometimes a little too close to the mouths that speak them. You really only need the tail to point at the mouth of who is speaking, rather than have long tails all over the place.
   The pacing was also mentioned before, and yes, it needs some improving, but you're definitely getting there. You should avoid repeating your backgrounds or characters in order to show movement, for that rarely works unless it's for humor. The best way to avoid this is to employ different angles, even if its just a slightly different one, or you can show a transitional panel, like something going on in the area just for clarity.

Sorry about all of that, but I can really see potential in your comic. You just gotta clean up what you can and keep creating. Good luck on your pursuit of creating!
-VP

[GFalconDX]

Thank you so much for the review. I do need some clarification though: by any chance do you have an example on the shading in terms of comics or works, or tutorials, that are currently available?

[Doubtcent]

@fanyart 's tutorials are pretty good. http://tapastic.com/series/Tutorials
However I learned my shading through trial and error. What I do is make a new layer for shading, color in all the shadows I want, making sure to be as expressive with them as I can, then, make the layer color be a dark blue or red, or whichever color I need, avoiding black at all costs, then setting the opacity to %50 (or to whatever I need for the comic) and marking it as multiply, that way the shadows mix with the colors underneath it. It takes a lot of trial and error, but the multiply layer property is your friend.
You should look up cell shading and take what you can from that. There are some simple techniques and even advanced ones, so find what you're comfortable with and start experimenting with new concepts as you go along.