Question for people with romantic attraction

[TheLemmaLlama]

I need help with a scenario I'm writing:

Suppose you asked out your crush and this is their response:

Well ... I don’t particularly want to not go out with you.

If I’m being honest, I don’t have any particular feelings for you at the moment. But I know how hard it is to confess those kinds of feelings. I don’t dislike you, so out of respect for your bravery, I’d like to give it a try. Is that okay with you?

How does this make you feel? Would you go out with them? How do you respond?

[TheSingularitySeed]

Depends on how old I am.

As a kid or teenager, I think I'd be dismissive or rude about it because all I would hear is that the other person's feelings for me aren't even close to my feelings for them which would probably crush whatever idealized scenario I had in my head.

As an adult, I'd be like "neat, let's chat" because by now I don't really spend time building up the other person, and I have a better grasp on how to approach romance since experience and all that.

[RainbowCat]

I'd be a mixture of sad and annoyed, but in the moment I'd be too nervous to think about it a lot. I'd just say something like "it's okay, you don't have to go out with me just because you feel bad for me" but of they then says they still want to try I'd be okay with that. But later, I'd probably get annoyed at myself for asking them out and at them for trying to make a "pity-date" sound good. However, depending on how strong my feelings are, I'd probably do my absolute best to spend an amazing time with them, to show them it was worth to give it a try.

[ar-ninetysix]

ok, so... "not interested, but ok, you seem nice" sounds weirdly condescending despite the result still being a date with my crush

but a yes is a yes! let's goooo

[BoomerZ]

Unless you have zero self-esteem, you walk away. Don't be with someone that doesn't want to be with you. Also the opposite of love is not hate, it's apathy. Charity dating is horrid.

[GumshoeComix]

the way its worded sounds more like a no than a yes to me so I probably wouldn't take it even back when I was a lonely teen

[AlydaB]

Based on this snippet of dialogue, I don't think I'd ever be interested in this person in the first place :')

They seem honest and well-intentioned, but dispassionate. I don't develop crushes on people who view me with apathy or a simple lack of dislike. There's always been a spark of mutual interest that comes almost immediately (often the very first interaction) from finding ourselves compatible on some level, and I see little point in pursuing or thinking about someone who openly doesn't "have any particular feelings for me".

But supposing this happened, I'd thank them for their honesty and turn them down just as politely. I'd be a bit disappointed in having gotten such a wrong impression of them, but I wouldn't mourn the loss of that potential relationship very long.

[DualDragons]

I would probably be a bit discouraged in all honesty (and too scared to actually try )

[Kelheor]

So I look at this situation from 2 points of views - one is the one that @AlydaB already wrote and I agree with this presented reasoning.
Second is, let's assume we never ever talked and I just look at them from the shadows and then I finally confess to hear this answer. In this situation I'll give it a go, because pretty obviously if someone had no previous interactions with me, they wouldn't particularly like or dislike me.
Although, this returns me to the first point, most people I had romantic relationship (or had crushes for) were passionate people with strong views, so I would expect them to have an opinion of me pretty quickly to decide if they want to go out with me.

[AlydaB]

Second is, let's assume we never ever talked and I just look at them from the shadows and then I finally confess to hear this answer. In this situation I'll give it a go, because pretty obviously if someone had no previous interactions with me, they wouldn't particularly like or dislike me.

I agree- I think that's the only scenario where saying 'yes' to this person would make sense.

Personally, though, that's not something I relate much to either. I'm not one to ask out people based on crushing on them from afar and never interacting. That'd feel like shooting in the dark, and what are the chances a stranger (albeit an attractive one, probably) is going to be compatible with me?

I'm an introvert with a limited amount of time and energy for social endeavors in the first place, so I'd view all of this as a risk of wasting time I could spend developing other more promising relationships.

[Swamp]

I would be vv worried about them, tbh. I mean, disappointed the person I liked didn't feel the same way, but, when I've asked people out, my major worry is usually that I'll upset them/make them feel grossed out.

The idea of dating somebody who wasn't into me sounds hellish. I'd probably say something along the lines of "Look, if you're interested in relationship, but not sure if you'll develop feelings, I'm down to try a few dates and go back to normal if we don't click, but please don't date me for my sake. I want to be with somebody who wants to be with me. If that's not you, I think it would really hurt to be with somebody who saw our relationship as a duty"

[Lensing]

I would respond:
I also don´t have feelings for you right now, I just find you interesting and that´s why I asked you for a date

[igneriss]

I would probably decline because I would find it weird that the other person needs to justify themselves so much I mean, if I ask out someone I don't know, I don't expect them to be instantly interested or in love with me. That's why we go on a date, to get to know each other more and maybe develop feelings. If it turns out we don't match at all, then there's no second date. So I expect 'I don’t have any particular feelings for you at the moment. But I know how hard it is to confess those kinds of feelings. I don’t dislike you', but as an inner monologue, and then a simple 'no, but I respect the bravery' or 'okay, let's try' answer for me.
That being said, I never had an experience like this (it was mostly the other way round; and the one time I asked someone out we were already good friends) so maybe I would react in a completely different way then I expect

[darthmongoose]

I would think that person was a patronising jerk! They want to throw me a pity date for being brave to say I'm into them!? They think they're that desirable and that I couldn't just find somebody else!?

I have way too much self-respect to take that. I'd probably recoil slightly, shocked by the sheer egotism, and say:

"Ah, actually, if you're not bothered, it's fine, I'd rather not be dated out of a sense of obligation."
And then I would walk away. Just nope the heck out of there. This person is not worth my time.

Nothing would kill my attraction to a person faster than the discovery that they think I'm so pathetic, emotionally fragile and incapable of finding someone that they'd need to throw me a bone without being into it.
I never dated anyone who didn't think I was awesome, and now I have a fiance who thinks I'm awesome and we've been happy together nearly 10 years, so I don't regret going in knowing my own value and taking my time rather than desperately rushing into relationships with people who looked down on me just out of a need to be with somebody.

[WoollyPAR]

I can't say I feel particularly good about that. Me being... me, my first reaction would be to go along with it to see what happens. Since they said "at the moment" and "give it a try" that would make me think "Ah, so I have a chance " despite the very lukewarm reaction. I can't imagine it would go super well or last very long. Maybe it depends on this person I'm confessing to, how long I've known them, how well we get along outside of a strictly romantic context, and whether or not they really can develop feelings for me, but even then I see that turning out to be a "let's just be friends" situation.

I imagine the date wouldn't go well because I overthink things a lot. If they don't really react or seem interested enough, I might start to think there's something wrong with me and I might not even consider that they might just be like that with everyone. Personally I'm pretty open about when I feel like I'm overthinking, so I try to be upfront about what's on my mind. In this case that might clear things up and help me decide whether or not the date was worth it since this person seems pretty honest and able to communicate. If it ends with an honest communication like that, I could see that being a good outcome regardless of if the conclusion was "let's be friends" or "let's do this again sometime"

I'm kinda curious as to why I have feelings for this person to begin with, but that's not part of the question. If I really like them and they gave me an opportunity to see what happens, I (personally) would take that since I'm a hopeless romantic. The gamble excites me and the clarity I get from knowing the outcome is cathartic. So for me, I'd say it's like a "if it works, it works" type of date, and if it doesn't work, I'm pretty capable of being friends with failed crushes, so that won't be too bad.

Hopefully this is a useful perspective :3

[TheLemmaLlama]

Yes, this is a useful perspective; all of your perspectives have been really useful, thank you! I was particularly wondering if the dialogue came across as more "I'm not into you but I feel bad for you so I'll give you a chance" or "I don't feel that way about you at the moment but I think you're cool and I want to get to know you better, but don't want to get your hopes up."

I didn't want the confessing character to be upset and angry at the pity only for the readers to think they're a jerk to someone who just wanted to be transparent, or for the confessing character to happily take the date and have the readers think they're desperate :'D

[Lensing]

For me it comes across like the 2nd option and that´s the way it is for some people,
when someone asks me for a date I would say something like that

[NickRowler]

It comes off a bit condescending. Bit of a red flag. Honestly the whole thing comes off a bit robotic, like a melodramatic Visual Novel.

So I would probably respond, “Uhhhh, are you a robot?”

[cherrystark]

I think that if character B isn't interested, you could just have them say "No" or "no thanks" and move on. This is big for me since women (at least where I"m from) can't just say no if they aren't interested. They have to EXPLAIN themselves. If the couple is supposed to have romantic interaction later on, you could find opporunities for the couple to interact and spend time together BEFORE officially dating. It helps make the romance more believable.

I do have a question though. What's Character A's motivation for asking charactere B out? I realized as I got older, I only feel ANY type of attraction after I've formed an emotional bond with the other person. In my late teens to early twenties especially, I only dated because it was "normal". I was never really attracted to anyone, I just dated because that's what everyone else was doing.

[MartaTod]

I don’t dislike you, so out of respect for your bravery, I’d like to give it a try. Is that okay with you?

This is the part that would be a huge "nope" for me. The rest I'd be ok with because maybe they're just trying to say "hey I don't know you that well at the moment" so that could be the reason they have no opinion about me. But a pity date? Yikes. I'd probably give a polite "no, it's fine" answer with a smile, but wouldn't really want to hang out with that person after that.