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SketchbookKid
Nov '20

As the title says it would be helpful if i could have some peeps read my first chapter, and give your thoughts. What do you like/dislike, what could be better, etc. I'm thinking of redrawing it in time to better line up and set up some later stuff(and just plain look better​:sweat_smile:)

I appreciate anyone who takes the time to lend me a read.:heart:

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    Nov '20

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    Nov '20
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darthmongoose
Nov '20

I saw lesbian witches and somebody asking for comic feedback, you may as well have made a summoning circle specifically for me. :rofl:

All right, so the main thing I'd say here is that this is a comic with a lot of potential that's really only lacking in polish. I do think redoing some pages up to the standard of the new art would be good, and my highest priority would be those first few black and white pages.

The problem with opening a comic with some kind of backstory or explanation of the world done in a vastly different art style is that the first few pages of your comic are the first thing the reader sees, and set up the expectation for what this comic will look like.
Here, I can see the necessity of the sequence being in a different style, but I would suggest a couple of fixes:
1. Add a cover in the regular style as the first thing the reader sees rather than that first page to reassure them that the comic will have full colour, not-inverted art later.
2. Make the art less messy. I think being inverted is enough for these pages; they don't really need to be scribbly too. It mostly just makes them look like they were done in a rush, and it reflects badly on the rest of the comic when the first thing you see is a bunch of pages that look a lot more rushed and amateurish than the art in the rest of the comic.

Other things I noticed were:

  • The speech bubbles definitely have a negative effect on how polished the overall comic looks. It would look immediately more professional if the bubbles gave the text more breathing space and if the dialogue was in a font with a more comic book feel. I've written tutorial before on how to do speech bubbles, so check that out maybe3.

  • The figures are well-drawn, but the clothing and fabric is a weak area that pulls everything down. The characters and faces have good expressions and anatomy, but the clothing is just haphazard wobbly lines with no sense of shape. It'd really make the characters more three-dimensional and dynamic if you could spend some time studying how fabrics crease, wrap and drape and giving your clothing more love. I skipped ahead, and there has definitely been significant improvement on this area, but it's still an area I'd recommend to put in some work. Some tutorials I like on this subject:
    https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/846465692458321453/3
    https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/291326669650948479/1
    https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/428123508326740376/2

  • The environments have a bit of a flat feeling. I appreciate the work put into them, and in fact prefer that in the early pages, there's a greater variety of shot distance and attempts at backgrounds to the current pages where every panel feels cropped so closely around the characters it felt a bit claustrophobic (though I understand it's a fight scene, it's important to pull back to show the space between the combatants at times to help the reader understand the flow of the battle, and also to give the close-up shots more impact). If like me, you struggle with building a large, detailed environment from scratch and keeping it consistent, there's nothing wrong with building or using a 3D model to use for reference. It can really help. Happy to advise further on this!

Overall, this is solid on the fundamentals, and there's nothing wrong with the storytelling or dialogue. Really it just needs some polish to make it look a bit more tightly drawn and professionally presented.

SketchbookKid
Nov '20

Oh man! Such a detailed response! Thank you so much! I'm at work at the moment so I'll deep dive into this later, i just wanted to thank you. Even at a glance there's so much good advice. Particularly the initial point on my opening. I see what your saying completely and agree. And I'll check out that speech bubble tutorial as well.

alextsarace
Nov '20

Hey, how about review exchange?
I have my new comic and I really need opinions on how I did
Yours sounds interesting to me so I'd read it and comment