Requesting some critique

leopoldleo 2017-11-08 02:07:38 UTC #1

Hello guys! I've just started my first series and I do really want to improve it.
It would be great if you gave me some piece of advice on my art and language (as English is not my first language)
In return, I'll check out your webtoon.

KoreanTacos 2017-11-08 02:20:02 UTC #2

With only a single page there's not a whole lot I can say about the story itself. I think my only complaint is the bang at the end, if it's an explosion is should sound more threatening, not saying boom, but a sound effect that sounds more destructive. I like the style, and it's very beautifully illustrated. I subbed in the hopes to see if the story picks up, as right now the art is what catches my immediate attention right now. I look forward to seeing where this goes, I wish you the best of luck :).

Forgot to mention the way you convey atmosphere is lovely as well, there's an old saying if you're having a conversation don't be cliche and do it in a cafe, but honestly the way you paneled it, made it more visually pleasing.

lunaartemisasama 2017-11-08 02:34:12 UTC #3

I like it a lot.
I agree with the last part, maybe a

BOOM!!

was better . Unless it was really a bullet...

I like the art style a lot. Good luck!

LCT_m_a_d 2017-11-08 02:45:43 UTC #4

I would like to see more focal/contrast play like on the "please just come" panel. The quality of your work is pretty good but that panel makes your colors and brush strokes pop a bit

melindemari 2017-11-08 03:18:06 UTC #5

The colour is really good and the characters refined.

There's 1 or tow wording that a quick fix will help to make it read smoother:
6th panel: How was your yesterday's expedition...

Should read either:
How was your expedition...
or
How was yesterday's expedition...

7th Panel between "and" and "the" there's a looks to be a double spacing
There was an explosion and the...

And that's that; more that that I can't give cause so far your comic style is good; plot can't say yet, but have a feeling it'll be good so subscribed XD

ZatchZ 2017-11-08 03:48:20 UTC #6

I can't say much for the art style since it seems to be like a comic as told by paintings.
Making it a bit hard to do action sequences as you can't really keep it beautiful if you plan to do an action comic.
Needing you to keep on model but at the same time show the intensity via line art. The explosion in the newest chapter at the last panel could've used a little more destruction and debris to show the power or the damage caused by that explosion.
Take for instance (I'm going to use my comic for an example), this scene

We can see the destructive might of this monster (called a Darkling) as it rises from the ground up and lift everything up from the floor up as it digs it way out. Showing the huge power gap between the enraged bank robber and the "bigger fish".

Another thing I want to critique are the eyes.
The uncanny valley is such a scary thing. And I'm assuming that you're not shooting for scary right?
I meant scary looking.
Aside from that.
Those eyes. The way how they look unfocused makes me think that they're about to climb outta my computer and claw my hair out. (Okay, not really, but you know what I mean). Pick a spot, have the eyes focus there, and you're good.

Here's a list of my comics.
https://tapas.io/ZatchZ/series
Have fun.

StopWatchers 2017-11-08 05:05:22 UTC #7

Welcome to the community @leopoldleo!! I hope you enjoy the environment of this forum, it's a very supportive group of creative people.

Your comic artwork is absolutely beautiful! They really remind me of oil paintings. Is that the look you were going for? I love that you don't use black to outline your characters, it give your comic such a natural look. It also very relaxing to look at. Also, your character's facial expressions are so expressive, you know exactly what they're thinking. Very well done! I don't think your artwork needs any work or adjustment!

My only real critique is with the word bubbles. First, it seems like the text size gets larger and larger as you scroll down your comic. I'd make sure you're staying consistent with that. It can be kind of jarring when all of a sudden the text is larger. My other critique, is that within your art you have very little pure black areas/lines, but the word bubble outlines and text are black. I feel like that makes them not really feel like part of the comic. They don't seem to meld with the artwork right now. Maybe try them in a dark grey or dark brown color, I think that will help them feel more cohesive with the rest of your work. Just a suggestion.

Overall though, a very strong start! Keep up the great work!!

If you have time, and would like to check it out here's my time travel based comic, Stop Watchers:

Mr_B 2017-11-08 10:39:51 UTC #8

Hello, @leopoldleo! Welcome to Tapas, and I hope you enjoy your stay here.

Allow me to join everyone praising your artwork. I love the colours you use and the softness of the look. Attention to detail is lovely - that blueberry tart looks ready to eat. I can't really criticize anything about the way the comic looks. Also, at this point, there's really no way of knowing what happens next storywise. There's magic, and hints of a far-reaching plot, but it's safe to say that this early your art will be enough to draw people in.

You should invest a bit more time in the language side of things. As others have pointed out, there were bits of dialogue that felt awkward or not particularly in the spirit of the English language, as well as a few errors here and there. As for the word balloons, you should position your text in the middle of the balloon and leave enough breathing space on the side - otherwise, it looks crowded. Mind you, this is an issue that I struggle with as well, but my balloons are hand drawn so I don't have much room for correction. Digitally, you can easily make it work.

My biggest turn off was the font. There's a reason Comic Sans has gained an unrivalled infamy on the internet. Looking at your comic, the dopey, amateurish feel of the font distracts from the beauty and sophistication of your art. Consider using a different font: there are plenty of resources online, like dafont, where you can find free downloadable fonts.

Overall, you're off to a good start. The only quibbles I found were on the technical side and can be fixed without much effort. Keep working on your art and story and you should be fine. Best of luck with your comic in the future!

Here are my two series on Tapas. If you'd like, feel free to take a look.

IdiotWithPencil 2017-11-08 14:28:33 UTC #9

first the art, it's great very colourful and beautiful the only bad thing is a bit of uncanny valley here and there and the poses are a bit stiff, solution draw a bit more from photos and try a gesture drawing challenge before drawing to loosen up your hand,after a few days you will see a giant inprovement in your posing, here's a place where you can quickly do that.
the writing needs a complete overhaul since the grammar is all over the place, my suggestion is for you to get a proof reader or a good translation program that not only looks at the words but the context too

all an all nice start just needs a bit of polish, hope it helps

here's my webcomic if you would like to check it out ^_^

sarrowsmith10 2017-11-08 15:31:57 UTC #10

I think the pacing of your first page (not prologue) is a bit choppy. You have huge gaps of blank/white space as you are scrolling. I understand this is the cool new way to present webcomics on webtoons and tapas, but its very distracting when not done well.

Adding space = adding time in your comic. The girls are having a normal conversation, but because there is so much space between each of their dialogues, it comes across as choppy and awkward. When they are talking, their panels should be close to each other, so it feels like the panels interact with each other. Imagine you were watching a movie, and the camera is on one character while they talk, then the screen goes white, then the camera goes back to the other character, and it flip flops like that for a whole conversation. It just doesn't work. However, having blank areas with just scenery or sky or even white, between scenes or when people are travelling or pausing for a moment, I think it can be very effective.

My Cold Blooded King handles the passage of time with extra space relatively well, might be worth looking at:

Hopefully this helps. My comic:

darkone4587 2017-11-08 19:14:51 UTC #11

Ending the chapter with a literal bang was a good choice and makes me want to check out the next episode. The thing is I find the faces odd, I can't really express why, but they just come off as odd to me.