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Jan 27

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I'll start it off with my fantasy comic!

  • created

    Jan 26
  • last reply

    Feb 25
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I read through the first episode and I honestly love the style and the artwork. I noticed the minecraft references and I am curious as to how much the story will tie in to the game. You mentioned endermen, are they still deathly afraid of water in this universe? The art style and the writing in the speech look fantastic together, but I noticed a few places looked a bit harder to read as the text was really close together. Overall, it is really nice and I plan to read through some more of it later, I've got to at least know why our dragon was told to run at the end.
Here's my novel,

Read 1st chapter of yours!

I have some reviews (small, but maybe you want to consider)
1. Maybe 'Chapter One:' in the beginning is unnecessary as it shows your chapter title in the beginning (it showed up chapter one twice in my phone, one is episode title and second is Chapter one:)
2. When someone said something (this is luke to koda), I think it should be using "," as the end and no need for "." before the comma. For example: "I have eaten," said X (not "I have eaten.," said X). Maybe, it was a typo since I found only one.

For the story: Quite info-dumping on the beginning for me. I know it's needed for 'moving to another world scenario', but maybe you can alternate how to explain (not only by someone tells the mc but via surroundings more, like Hallie seeing her surroundings and think). I felt the information about Ashka is rushed compared to how Hallie got thunderstruck.

Having Luke and Koda sddenly fight in that intensity surprises me. It seems they are shouting to each other (although I get Koda's point). Again, this made the 'info-giving part about Ashka' just seems too fast.

Are both Luke and Koda talkative people? They are info-dumping to Hallie who seems to understand almost nothing other than she is moved to somewhere in the future. If this is intentional, then you're doing good job.

Other than those, the idea is actually good. Earth is broken enough that people started to revert back to magic has a lot of potential.


For the chain, here's my fantasy novel

Thank you for the review! 1) I know that the title Chapter One can be redundant and I have already removed that in some of the future episodes, I've just got to go back and fix the earlier ones. The second suggestion you made is likely a typo, I tried to double check most of those, but I always seem to forget something. 3) The info-dumping slows down a lot, but I wanted to get some basic info out of the way. 4) And the fight was intentional, slight spoiler, but the two of them don't get along all of the time and his brother has kicked him out before, so it fits later on. 5) I did intentionally make the info-dumping on Hallie. I figured if I found myself somewhere new, I'd have literally no idea how to process and for the two of them (Luke and Koda), they know nothing different.

You have the same problem with my earliest release! Redudants and typo are one of my biggest struggle. Sometimes after rechecking for times, we still left a tiny silly bit. It's totally understandable! Good luck on fixing your earlier episodes :grin:


For the chain (so people don't have to scroll) due to replies:

Thank you, man! I've been hand writing my text and I think that's why it's a little hard to read haha. I'll be sure to watch out for that in future episodes :]

I really liked the prologue! I read both episodes since it's supposed to be one chapter.

You have a good sense of pacing and as an establishing chapter, there's a lot of great things going for it. Even just in that intimate scene with Cenric on his own, we get a good sense of his character. I can clearly see the vision you have for this story, and I think it's wonderful!

I think you can definitely draw out some of that pacing especially in the first half of the chapter. I think we just get a lot of information about the world/character TOLD to us rather than sort of naturally building it out as we walk alongside the protagonist.

For example, the paragraph explaining Cenric's precognition ability feels like you're showing his hand too fast and all at once. Even though you're narrating this story from an Omniscient 3rd perspective, you can still withhold saying blatant information while weaving details that can allude to those facts until it comes later on.

Also, by definition of Prologue and what I've seen defined as a prologue in different mediums, this chapter doesn't necessarily read as a prologue, but more as a first chapter? Just something I noticed is all haha, I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you can easily combine the two prologue episodes with the first chapter.

Overall, your story has a lot of good things! I think just utilizing the characters to drive how information is presented would help you in the long run since you have good interactions between characters and a good sense of creating an environment. Don't give everything away too quickly! Boil the frog!! (with the readers being the frog)


Ok um here's my webcomic? To be perfectly frank, my first chapter is more so of a cool action fight sequence a la RWBY style hook rather than a "plot is being sparked" kind of chapter, so if you're more in the mood to analyze actual plot and dialogue feel free to skip to the second episode lmao

(post withdrawn by author, will be automatically deleted in 24 hours unless flagged)

I read the first two episodes of your comic.

I really like the panel work in the first episode. The opening frames were done well, starting with an image of the three moons and panning down to the forest before suddenly launching into the action. You make good use of the split frames (the ones where a rectangular frame is divided into smaller triangular frames) to show multiple actions happening within a short amount of time. Also like the dramatic speed lines and angles of the fight sequences and how the characters are in mid-action when their name and abilities are presented.

For the second episode, I like how the banquet setting is used to introduce the readers to more details about the characters. The flow of the conversations in the banquet seems pretty natural (a character stopping a conversation to go somewhere else, people chatting in the background, a person interrupting an ongoing conversation between two others). I also like the backgrounds vary between detailed (with all the tables, food, stage, and people drawn out) and abstract (backgrounds that are just paint strokes or completely blank). Lastly, I'm kinda amused that one of the characters is wearing a monocle (reminds me of Dragon Ball Z where the Saiyan wear scouters over one eye that measures power levels)


For the review chain, here is my fantasy story in both comic and novel form. The next reader can pick either (or both) to review. The same events occur in the corresponding episodes for both comic and novel (although the novel has extra scenes and details).

Comic version

Novel version

I think monocles are fun and more characters should have them lol

Thank you for the review! I hope you enjoyed :))

Ok, so:
-I love the watercolour palette!
-The desert setting is really creative. Reminds me of a Ghibli movie.
- Main character has a cool design. No critique so far

Thank you for the detailed review!

I do get some reviews about the prologue being not a prologue because it is kinda long :joy: I never really thought that the prologue is giving that much info and thank you for the suggestion! I do utilize my characters in later episodes. The prologue is like giving summary of what reader need to know before went deeper, but I guess it's not boiling the reader enough 🤣 I'm just afraid my readers would get real confused about how pressured Cenric is if I did not give it away.

29 days later

Hello, I read your first chapter! First of all, I ADORE your art, it’s very sharp and snappy, and that scratches all the right parts of my brain
Second, I think you have a pretty good hook, and introduce the worldbuilding pretty well. I know absolute jack of hypixel, or Minecraft lore, but I was still able to get a good grasp on everything.
You’re pretty good at introducing the main characters personality, and how they interact with the world, but I think you were kind of inching towards a bit of obnoxious exposition of things the characters would supposedly, already know and not need to explain. But I really liked it overall, might read a bit more

Here’s my comic, it’s still very much beginning, but oh wellsies