Review Swap/Looking for Reading Partners (Open)

Turtur 2024-10-10 07:07:13 UTC #21

Thanks for showing interest! Don't worry about doing the review straight away, and I only ask you do it before the 24th so I can get in edits before the end of the current AF Tourney. Also, feel free to only review 6 of my episodes since you haven't got 10 yet, and I'll get started on yours as soon as I can.

caffeinatsun 2024-10-10 13:03:37 UTC #22

@Turtur Awesome! I’ll do the same tomorrow, just have to slog through a few more edits from Chapter 4 onwards with mine first.

Vayvaction 2024-10-10 13:37:14 UTC #23

I'll be sure to give yours a read hopefully today

Turtur 2024-10-10 19:35:14 UTC #24

@Tubacabra @Vayvaction @caffeinatsun @TheSequence

Hey everyone! I'm slowly getting through your works and I'll continue reading a bit every day until I get through the 10 chapters. For now, I just wanted to quickly ask what sort of feedback you were looking for? Please specify how positive or critical you'd like it to be (since I'd hate to give unwarranted criticisms), and feel free to add specific questions you'd like me to answer or aspects I should keep an eyes for.

As for me, I'd like a bit of both positive and critical points (I don't mind if it skews more to one side though, and don't be afraid to be harsh as long as it's constructive). And one small thing I'm interested is how you feel about the characters and which ones stood out to you, but also feel free to mention whatever else catches your attention.

Thank you all again for taking the time to do the swap!

caffeinatsun 2024-10-11 04:18:52 UTC #25

@Turtur My main concern is missed words, grammar/syntax errors that might have slipped through the cracks and breaks immersion, how coherent the action scenes in particular are—since I’m not predominantly an action writer, and what your grasp/impression of Elana’s personality is. For some reason, my side characters characterization is much easier for me to nail down than my MCs 🫠 my MCs are slippery little bastards, always trying to get away from me

As for what you’re looking for, on a scale of 0-10 (fluffy to nitpicky AF) how critical a lens do you want me to use?

Turtur 2024-10-11 06:06:23 UTC #26

Thanks for letting me know, and I'll be sure to look out for all of that. And with that scale, I'm looking for around a 7 with your feedback.

Vayvaction 2024-10-11 06:20:44 UTC #27

like to know how the chapters made you feel, the characters and any improvement. I just read the first chapter of your one and I love it! The chapter starts off in somewhat in the middle of a crisis and makes me want to read more as she slowly uncovers more on her surroundings. I'm trying to read more Novels so I'll probably be able to Read 1-2 chapters a day

Tubacabra 2024-10-16 16:47:46 UTC #28

Hey @Turtur ! I finally made to chapter 2. I noticed a lot of grammatical/syntax errors like "it was a sound I was tried of hearing". Also, when the enemy soldier tossed her the earplugs, I had to reread it a couple times to realize it was actually the enemy soldier and not her commander. Might just be me, but I was confused about that. Overall, you've got a pretty engaging plot, but I'll talk about that when I've read the ten chapters.

As far as your review for me goes, please be as critical as possible. If I only ever get positive feedback, how am I supposed to improve? Thanks in advance!

Tubacabra 2024-10-16 17:21:06 UTC #29

@Turtur Another thing I noticed: You consistently use the word "bought" when I think you mean "brought". Especially when Francesca says "you bought a pretty girl with you." Are there slave markets in this world?

I do like how enigmatic your MC is. It makes for quite a mysterious story!

Turtur 2024-10-18 09:19:43 UTC #30

Thanks for pointing those errors out to me (because of you, I realised I've been misusing 'brought' and 'bought' so I'm really thankful for that) and I've made the changes. I'll also be sure to keep your preference in mind as I make notes for my final review.

So far, I'm really enjoying your story and I think the world building is just fantastic! Though, I wanted to quickly point a small syntax error I noticed in Chapter 5 where I think you missed one of the quotation marks at the end:

"Of course it does," Baltimore grumbled, "quite convenient, if I may say.

Edit: Spelling error

Turtur 2024-10-21 21:07:40 UTC #31

@Tubacabra Just finished my review and let me say, wow!

Your writing style, specifically with some of those descriptions is just fantastic! They really suck you into the story and it was definitely a stand-out feature while I was reading. I already mentioned before that your descriptions aren't just imagery, but also effective storytelling about the environment and the characters.

A particular stand-out moment I even made in my notes was in Chapter 2 when Mancer visited Jyna's grave. The scene was absolutely gorgeous and yet so heart-wrenching. Some of the language there was just beautiful and it was a great way to set the stage for their relationship while also hinting to (and I like how you didn't explicitly say it) a motivation Mancer has for why he goes back in time.

I do want to say the criticisms here might come off as a little harsh, but that's only because I genuinely think you're writing is great and I had to nitpick a bit to find potential improvements since you asked for me to be as critical as I can. But anyway, here they are:

Adverbs
I noticed a slight overuse of adverbs in your writing, especially with the more dialogue-dominant scenes. While not inherently bad, they do weaken your writing a bit when you use them and could be replaced with more effective adjectives and nouns. This is actually something I'm also trying to improve in my own writing as well. but here are a couple of instances I noticed:

“The baron raised his eyebrow sceptically” (You can probably drop the sceptically since the reader can infer that action is out of scepticism.)
“Selene smiled thinly.” You could change it to something like: Selene pressed her lips into a thin line, curving them into a faint smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. (It’s wordier, yes, and you could probably do better, but I think it paints the image a bit more effectively.)

Cliches
Some of your characters are a little cliched and tropey, but I'll use Angelina as the example here since I found she fell most into this (she falls into the spoiled rich noble trope and becomes a damsel in distress, though I understand that's to help build respectability for Mancer as her new teacher). I'd say that tropes and cliches aren't bad on their own and are tools we should use, but they can make your characters less compelling. I acknowledge that I only read the first 10 chapters and I don't get to see how these characters evolve more over time, but it'd be great if you did have character arcs that diverted from these cliches or even invert them down the line. It'd really make your work stand out beyond the typical regressing story.

Overall, I think you have something really great here and these are just nitpicks because your story is generally really great! The quality and polish exceed what I usually expect from web novels, so keep going!

Turtur 2024-10-21 21:32:11 UTC #32

@Vayvaction I recently finished reading so here's my review:

I'll start with the two love interests because they are the ones you have to get right for this genre and I think you've done a great job! Together, the banter and dynamic they have are just lovely and really get you invested in their romance. But when separate, I like how you tell the story from both perspectives which really shows how they individually perceive the same experiences but also lets you into their motivations behind their revenge. I also quite like the distinct voices these two have in their own POVs which really distinguish themselves from each other.

There were also instances where I could really feel the anger those two had which really conveyed why they wanted revenge so badly. This is particularly important since it is a revenge story, and it's great you got that right so you can get readers invested in the motivations.

There are also some small notes I made on the writing itself. Overall, you were pretty effective in conveying their characters (still love that snappy comeback Riona had at the banquet) and organically built sympathy for the protagonists.

However, something I noticed straight away was a slight overuse of action and dialogue tags which I found could drag out scenes at times. I didn't often see you letting dialogue sit alone, and it'd be great if you did since that could let you really control the pace of scenes more. Example:
' "I want to slowly let Vincent sink in despair," I said. ' (You could really drop the 'I said' since the reader can infer that Riona said that by the context.)

I also noticed a few tense errors here and there which you should look out for. For example, this line is in the present tense while everything else is in past. I also read this particular line in particular a few times because the grammar was a bit off to me:

'Lifting a glass of wine in the air displaying his hands embraced with scars.'

Overall, I think your story is just lovely from the characters to the actual revenge aspect and the romance. Keep it up and thanks for doing this review swap with me!

Tubacabra 2024-10-21 22:13:53 UTC #33

Thanks so much for your excellent review!
Unfortunately, I haven't had the time yet to read through the first ten chapters of your story, but I'll get right on it after I finish my 20th chapter. Thank you for your patience.

Hoku_1 2024-10-22 05:32:22 UTC #34

Hi, guys check this out if you like gender benders, isekai, and tower climbing stories...

Sypnosis-
This isn’t a tale about heroes—it’s about survival, sacrifice, strategy, and the thin line between justice and madness.

Jun, a loner who values money and games, found himself trapped within a novel in the body of a blind courtesan. A Novel called, ‘The Regressor’s War’, a Murim world where the Constellations and the Towers had taken over. The Tower wasn’t going just to let Jun be and assigned him an impossible mission: ensuring that the Regressor's fate changes. Utilizing his future knowledge Jun overcomes his enemies and hidden plots. As he delves deeper into the Tower, Jun discovers his fate had long been decided before his birth.

The Blind Courtesan
Chapter 23, is out now!

Tubacabra 2024-10-22 18:31:53 UTC #35

@Turtur
My first issue (and it's a pretty big one) is the missed words and grammatical errors. I would point them out, but there were too many to count.
I would recommend going back through your story and proofreading it thoroughly.

Overall, your plot throughout the first ten chapters was engaging, and you managed to keep it flowing steadily. I could feel the emotions in some of your chapters, but I do think that a little more description could go a long way. In chapter 8 for example, both the MC and the mysterious stranger are staring at the stars, but you don't really describe them. I feel like a description of the stars in this instance would be appropriate, but that's just my opinion.

In chapter 1, you did a good job of describing the chaos and violence of war, but again, I would prefer more vivid imagery. I know that might turn off some readers, so be careful about it.

I like how we still don't know her name, though that could infuriate some readers. It's a matter of taste, really. I also like how you've barely addressed your world building. You gave the readers exactly what they needed to know. No more, no less. Also, nothing feels an info dump. Your dialogue feels natural and streamlined.

To conclude, your story is very mysterious, and that drew me in. It makes me want to read more so I can learn more. I will probably continue reading when I get the time. Let me if you want to review swap the next ten chapters!

Turtur 2024-10-22 20:00:26 UTC #36

@Tubacabra
Thank you for great review, and I'll keep your feedback in mind as I do my final proofreading for the AF Tourney!

I'd also be more than happy to review swap the next ten chapters as well. Would you mind if we move to discord dms or some other social media for ease of communication?

Tubacabra 2024-10-22 20:22:14 UTC #37

@Turtur Unfortunately, I don't have any form of social media whatsoever, so that's not really an option. But if you'd prefer, we could swap reviews over email...

Turtur 2024-10-22 21:19:26 UTC #38

Oh, no worries then! I don't mind continuing to give the reviews here on the forums then. While I get started on reading again later tonight, I don't think I'll be able to get all 10 done by the end of this week in time for the AFT deadline. I hope that'll be alright with you

Tubacabra 2024-10-22 21:43:51 UTC #39

That's completely fine! The deadline's in two days, after all!

Turtur 2024-10-23 10:28:57 UTC #40

@caffeinatsun Finally done with your review and I'm sorry it took a while. First I'd like to say that I was really impressed by your story. The events really flowed together so I could tell there was a lot of thought put into that. You also have a level of polish here that's not common with web novels which really made yours stand out. Your descriptions weren't overdone but very vivid which helped pull me into the story. Your dialogue is also very natural and has a great flow to it. Now I'll touch on some of the things you requested:

Action Scenes
I'm probably not the best person to comment on this since I'm also not predominantly an action writer, but honestly, I thought yours were very well done. That first chapter really hooks you in with the thrilling and gripping action you have there, and that torture scene was just so well done. That scene in particular stood out to me since it was so visceral yet tastefully done. I like how you revealed elements of the MC and Antione's character instead of just making it an old gorey torture scene.

Characterisation
I'd actually have to agree with your point about Elana’s personality being a bit more slippery than the side characters. To be, she felt like a pretty good MC with a unique struggle with her magic (or lack of) and that torture scene really makes you emphasise her off the bat. But I will say that she did feel slightly more lacklustre compared to some of the side characters who stood out more, specifically after Antione's introductions (as you could tell from my comments. I adore him). She's not badly written in any sense (honestly, you still did a good job) but she just didn't stand out as much.

This is definitely just my opinion so feel free to take it with a grain of salt, but with Antione in particular, there was just so much character and charm to him that I didn't quite get with Elana, and in a way, he did overshadow her for me. I thought about why this might've been the case and for me, I think it's because of how passive Elana is initially. I understand that's mainly due to her being forced around by her family and stuck in this stifling environment, but that did make it feel like she had less agency compared to some other characters.

However, I do this being something that could give way to some great character development down the line. But, it might be something to keep in mind at the start if you want readers to grip onto her like some of the other fantastic side characters you've written.

Overall, I found your novel a delight to read. The story is really gripping and the characters really do have this great charm to them. The criticisms here are mostly just my personal thoughts and you can take them as you'd like. Keep it up because you're doing great and best of luck with the AFT!