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Sep 2020

So the comic artists have this really fun thread where you can redraw other artists' panels, and I thought it'd be fun to make a novel version where you rewrite someone else's snippet from their story in your style - and then you post a snippet from your own novel for the next person to rewrite.

(Here's the thread if you're curious: https://forums.tapas.io/t/lets-redraw-each-others-panels/48657/506)

So, some ground rules:

  1. Don't dump and go - rewrite the snippet posted above your post, before you post your own snippet
  2. Keep it SFW - don't wanna exclude the potential minors or people not interested in NSFW
  3. Keep it fun! It's not supposed to be a critique thread - simply a fun game of differing styles.

And that's it! Let's begin!

Snippet from Spirits and Crowns:

“I wonder how the birds taste here,” Dy murmured and eyed an especially fat one, jumping around in the grass.

“You can’t eat them!” someone shrieked behind us.

Both Dy and I quickly turned. Barr stood with another of the fat birds in his arms, clutching it to his chest.

“Who the hell are you?” Dy growled and slowly reached for her guns.

“I am Barr,” he said hesitantly and glanced at me. “I am Quinn’s spirit. And you are massive for a woman.”

Dy frowned and it didn’t look like she was reconsidering reaching for her guns. More likely she was more sure she wanted to shoot the spirit.

I put my hand on her arm.

“Is that a bad thing to say?” Barr asked and looked to me.

“Uh, not really? But it’s not very polite to immediately jump to commenting on someone’s body.”
“Oh, I did not know that. Sorry,” he said and ran his hand over the bird. “But it is not nice to say you wanna kill them either.”

“I didn’t say I was going to kill them,” Dy muttered under her breath.

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Honestly man, just trying to have some fun. You don't have to participate, but considering my novels are freely available on Tapas I'm not particularly scared of a snippet being plagiarised on this particular forum.

If you are, that's cool. You don't have to post anything.

This is such a great idea! Here is my take on your snippet! Disclaimer, I couldn't remember the pronouns of the first person character so I defaulted to he for now.

Dy stared hungrily at the fat bird that was wobbling around the tall grass. Licking her lips she mummers to herself “I wonder how the birds taste here.”

“You can’t eat them!” Turning suddenly wide eyed at having been overheard to see a man holding one of the oversized birds as if it were a baby to his teet.

“Who the hell are you?” Dy growls her hands hovering over her guns, her hostility apparent. The man looks suddenly shrinks into himself as he hurriedly responds “I’m Barr.” He glances over them both before continuing. “I’m Quinn’s spirit.” He pauses as he suddenly feels more confident in his words “You’re massive for a woman.”

Watching Dy frown as her hands inched closer for her guns as if she was ready to shoot the spirit. Reaching out next to her, he places a hand on her forearm, squeezing it reassuringly.

The spirit looks between them suddenly realising that what he might’ve said was not ideal. “Is that a bad thing to say?” Barr asks him, his eyes wide betraying his naivety.

“It’s not considered polite to comment on someones body type.” He was unsure if it was a bad thing to have commented on but it did not seem to sit well with Dy and right now he wanted to placate her.

“Oh...sorry I did not know that.” Running his hand through the birds feathers as he pets it and coo’s softly at them. “It’s nice to say that you wanted to kill them.”

Dy’s eye twitches as she stares at this spirit putting words in her mouth, she hotly responds under her breath.

“I never said I was going to kill them.”

Thanks for starting this thread it's a great way to collaborate! :smiley:

A snippet of one of the pieces I'm working on. It's not a Tapas novel but it's something to keep this going :slight_smile:

Feeling a hand on her shoulder she glances at the person that had approached her. Still not her, plastering on a polite smile she looks on at the statuesque woman, who had deemed it necessary to violate her personal space. “Care to dance?”

“I’m afraid I must decline, I’m saving my first dance.”

“You’ve been saving that for a while then.” Raising her eyebrow at this woman, she glances her over seeing a signet ring on her finger; a noble from one of the lesser known families. A noble with a military background judging by the dog tags around her neck. She wasn’t that bad on the eyes, licking her lips she softly responds “Been watching me long?”

“It’s a rather tragic sight when such a beauty as yourself is out here by herself when you could be out on the dance floor shining.” Eliza finds herself chuckling, it’s a pretty bold pick up line and she imagine it would normally have worked.

“Some might think it tragic but others would think it romantic. You see, I am waiting on the most marvellous woman to come and whisk me away with her terrible dancing and even worse puns.” Taking a sip of her wine she gives the woman a flirtatious wink before going back to scanning the the park in search of such a woman.

“Or you could be swept off your feet by me and we can have our own whirlwind romance.” The woman cockily smiles at her, she really wasn’t getting the hint and she was going to have to spell it out for her. “You’re not her.” She doesn’t stick around to watch her expression drop, she had found who she was after. She was standing awkwardly just off of the dance floor, seeming to be searching for someone, her hopefully. She had been looking for a tall blonde woman with long flowing hair but she was making her way to a woman with a wavy brown bob. Weaving her way around the crowd, depositing her glass on a table she approaches her from behind the butterflies in her stomach going crazy.

“I wonder how the birds taste here.” Dy followed the jumping path of a fat one with her eyes. It rustled the grass and shook its feathers, oblivious of the predator eyeing it from afar.

“You can’t eat them!”

Dy and I turned towards the shrieking voice. Barr stood cradling a plump bird in his arms like it was his first born.

“Who the hell are you?” Dy's hands drifted towards her guns.

“I... uh... Barr. I am Barr.” He angled his body away as though that could protect him from a faceful of lead and glanced at me. “I am Quinn’s spirit. And you are massive for a woman.”

Dy frowned and palmed the butts of her guns, stroking the triggers with her fingers.

I put my hand on her arm.

“Was it something I said?” Barr asked and looked to me.

“Uh, not really? But it’s not very polite to immediately jump to commenting on someone’s body.”

“Oh, I did not know that. Sorry.” He stroked the bird's down feathers. “But it is not nice to say you wanna kill them either.”

“I didn’t say I was going to kill them,” Dy grumbled.
~
@AWFrasier I gave it the good ole college try.

@AWFrasier We had a request for the closure of this thread, but it appears some people are taking part. Would you still like this thread closed or would you like to continue? It looks like good fun!

@Shaz Hahahah that one was awesome! It's also interesting you read the narrator as male - since she's actually female and Dy is her GF :blush: Absolutely loved your take - especially because it appears very different from mine, which is much simpler. And changing the tense and POV really does something too. Super good example of why this game is fun!

@IntoTheTempest One thing I love about yours and Shaz's versions is that Barr is holding the bird as if it's his kid. He's very protective of them in the story and ends up adopting one permanently too. I love how that came across (him mothering the birds) through a short snippet to both of you!

Thank you both for participating and I'll return to try and do a rewrite of yours, Shaz, after work! :heart:

Thanks, I realised I should've proofed it before posting! My bad, was thinking they might be female but couldn't remember from the top of my head so just went male for the time being. Easy fix thankfully.

Oo look forward to the rewrite :smiley: