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Jun 2020

Hello!

So our group's book, "Silver Crest", has been out for a little while. It's had very little viewership over the course of it's run. I decided to post this in the hopes that you could help us do an analysis and see where our strengths and weakness' lie, and where we need improvement.

Keep in mind its still a WIP, but it's going to be a series of books... eventually.

Please, give it a read and lend me some feedback! It would help my group a lot.

With that said. Our story is set in a modern day setting. Its a mix of sci-fi and fantasy, action, comedy, drama, and a touch of romance. Pretty much all the greats!

Description:
A world of secrecy and adventure awaits.

Tim is a young man living an ordinary life. He has friends, works at a job, and is part of a secret society known as the Mimics Creed. Sworn to protect the Blood of the Earth, an ancient race of shapeshifting creatures, Tim carries out the duties and responsibilities of a Keeper, a guardian of their secrets and culture. However, a sinister plot causes him to question himself, eventually sending him away from his hometown with Terranis, a warrior of his race. As the two set off to venture around the world, they stumble upon more than they can chew: a threat towards both Humanity and the Blood of the Earth. As they face the Superii, the H.A.N.A group, and many more, their strange friendship will be put to the test. By forging new friendships and meeting new allies, the duo hopes to stop that which threatens all. And maybe someday, both worlds may live together in harmony.

Our link:
https://tapas.io/episode/11374495

Tell me what you think! And thank you!

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    Jun '20
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    Jul '20
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I haven't read the novel yet, but I suggest shortening the description. Maybe to something like

Sworn to protect the Blood of the Earth, Tim carries out the duties and responsibilities of a Keeper, a guardian of their secrets and culture. However, a sinister plot causes him to question himself, eventually sending him away from his hometown with Terranis, a warrior of his race. As the two set off to venture around the world, they stumble upon more than they can chew: a threat towards both Humanity and the Blood of the Earth.

I'm a bit confused by Tim supposedly living an ordinary life AND being part of a secret society, which I assume you actually mean he appears to live an ordinary life. There's also a lot of info dumping and I already lost track halfway through the description which at that point I would close the tab. You want people to find out stuff when they read your story, so you don't want to give out too many plot details before the story even starts.

Soooo, less "wordy" and more... mysterious?

Sorry, I've always had trouble trying to find the right "hook" to draw readers in. If that makes sense?

Basically yeah. You want to show just enough information to let people know what your story is about but not too much that you're just explaining the story and giving away plot points. Keep it concise. Even in the shortened summary, some things are implied. For example, that Tim's and Terranis's friendship will develop/be challenged, that they will face obstacles to save humanity etc.

You don't have to apologise. We're all learning :slight_smile:

Ok, cool! I'll see what I can do with that.

Have you had a chance to read the prologue yet?

Yeah and it seems good to me. I'm probably not the best person to give advanced literary feedback though.

Thanks! Oh, and don't worry, in this case, every little bit counts.

Reason I ask, is given your previous feedback. Do you think the prologue would be giving too much away? Like what to expect and all?

I'm going to say no. Unlike the description, the prologue doesn't read like a list of stuff that will happen. I think it's quite descriptive and immersive actually. There's also the matter that people who read the description are likely deciding if they want to read your story beforehand, which is different from a prologue because the prologue is part of the story even if it may not be part of the "main" story.

Oh. Ok. Thank you!

Well, thank you for the advice. It was rather informative. And I hope you'll continue to explore the rest of our future series in time. Don't be afraid to leave a comment!

Until then, laters!

Hay again! So, after thinking bout what you said. I think I've come up with a solution, it kinda seems more like a tag line from a movie poster, but then I always liked those.

A more than ordinary young man. A secretive hidden world. And the journey of a lifetime.

Adventure awaits you in, “Silver Crest”!

Think maybe that could work?