I don't have to say that I would, because I have. Not all of the time, it obviously depends on context, but most of that behaviour dies once the perpetrator quickly realizes it won't score them social brownie points. Sometimes you stop things from even starting just by being assertive.
If you want to help someone in hard situation, you should put an efforts to it, and sometimes even risk your own safety. Most of the people are kind only in words, but actually are extremely cowardly and lazy. So no wonder, that they shift the responsibility of doing something hard/risky onto each others shoulders.
Responsibility is a heavy thing. I've seen it a lot, when I worked in nuclear industry. As everyone understand, manufacturing, programming and maintaining devices, which monitor nuclear reaction, is extremely responsible task. So everytime when something went wrong, all departments (and individuals) shifted responsibility to deal with consequences to each other in circles. People blamed each other in everything so passionately, so it was unpleasant to see. ( I'm glad that I eventually quit that job... )
Well, maybe I'll sound like an asshole. But only thing others can expect from me is that I'll call police/ambulance/whatever else.
That not because I'm coward, but I used to be in the past. Now I overcome this fear and can handle problems on my own, but only my own problems. But this is another story.
Main thing I wouldn't help because when I need help and was harassed, beaten by others, etc. Nobody used to help me, never. Nobody. Then why I should help others? If I would be in trouble they wouldn't help me, so it's their problem, not mine.
I'm not working in the police or ambulance to helping others, so it's not my problem. One of few lessons from life I learned that every man standing for himself.
So answer is this - I don't expect (and don't need) anybody to help me in trouble, and won't help others in their troubles.
A few years ago my partner and I were on our way to an anime convention and we were using the train. There was a gross guy harassing a couple of young women who were obviously going to the con, too, so I suddenly called out to them, pretending that I knew them. I just yelled out some random names and cheerfully said something along the lines of "Hey, we haven't seen you guys in forever! Come sit with us so we can catch up!". The women took the cue and came over to where we were sitting. We let them sit closest to the window and kept ourselves in the aisle seats. Gross guy left and we had a laugh about the really dumb names I came up with at the spur of the moment ^_^;
I'm a pretty small woman, so if it was a situation where someone was getting beat up, I don't think I'd be much help physically, but I could phone the police and be as loud about it as possible in the hope that the violent person would get scared off.
@ryoko
That's exactly the same thing I've done a few times on the CTA Trains in Chicago. The good thing about it is that they get so crowded, the harasser often loses track more often than not. And if I'm not close enough, I find a way to buzz in the conductor, which usually gets the asshole running off the next stop (if security isn't already there).
Sometimes, you don't have to do a grand gesture like fighting or being intimating to stop something. Sometimes, it's about cues and using the means available.
And while I'm seeing a lot of the downsides to helping people in some of the previous comments, I dunno...I guess I'm just more optimistic. Like yeah, maybe helping won't always benefit me. I might not always get a thank you and it can go unnoticed. Hell, I've run into people who didn't want my help. It happens -- people aren't perfect, and I can't fully take it as them being 110% ungrateful.
But...at the same time, I know deep down I'd want someone to help me if I was in a pitch. I've had people come help me before, and you can only imagine the relief I felt. I don't expect the help, but knowing there are people out there who could help me makes me feel a bit more hopeful.
I guess it's less about being brave and "being a hero" for me and just...helping out if and when I can.
There's no cut-throat way to stop Bystander Syndrome. It's been around for a good minute. But what helps reduce it, little by little, is just trying to at least help someone else in some way. Doesn't have to be a grand gesture. Doesn't have to be a "Big Damn Hero" moment.
Uh... Please read up on the psychology of abusive relationships before you say something like that. She likely was in a place where she was convinced (by him, no less) that there is no one in the world that would "love her like he does", that she is worthless, that she deserves him (and only him). That's... pretty obvious from what you described already. Don't make comments like that again in the future, please. Survivors of abusive relationships are screaming into the void when you do. 
I'd say you got unlucky. That's all, and that is no reason (objectively) not to help others anymore. We have to keep ourselves safe, of course, but next time? Calling the police might help. If you are not dealing with a black man, because then they will just shoot him without questions, and we have enough of that police brutality already. 
Seconded. Do what you can, and feel at least a little responsible for your peers. Then we're all better off. 
post withdrawn happy now? though is had freedom of speech but oh wait that's just a fantasy in this world now.
Don't tell people what they should say, and what they shouldn't, please. 
You can't just shut up everyone who says what you don't like in a PUBLIC forum. This forum is not yours, this thread is not yours. Its not only for you, but for all people to speak what they think.
P.S. I was in abusive relationships with one guy for a several years, and all my fucking family was abusive, too. And I didn't "scream to the void" when I read his comment. I don't completely agree with his comment, but he had a point and he had a right to say what he think anyway, even if YOU don't like it.
unless someone needs my immediate help or wants my help, I just call professionals to deal with these issues instead. I'm not really qualified to help most people in most serious situations, and doing so could in many ways cause more harm than help (which could even result in getting sued later on).
But also, I think the biggest reason I probably don't do anything in most of these scenarios is I honestly am too unobservant to notice things happening to other strangers when I'm out and about. Like unless you are making a big scene, I probably will walk by and never be any the wiser that you're having an issue.
thanks for the support. and i realise what i said was harsh but the truth can be. as for abusive relationships, I should know what i'm talking about having being not only a victim of my parents bomb of a marriage and a six year victim of my own relationship with a compulsive liar and a thief and yes love was the reason I put up with that crap. I have good reason to speak as I do about so called love, it's nothing but a virus that messes up your brain.
I would rather say, that love by itself is not bad, but only if it's controlled by intellect; particularly, if you don't give your love to those who doesn't value it anyway. At least, it's how I personally see it.
Anyway, I think that abusive relationships are very complicated subject by themselves (and they actually require the distinct topic to discuss them properly). Particularly, their tragedy is that the victim often don't understand that they are abused (for example, because they don't realise that better kind of relationships are possible for them). In this case, bystander can't help.
From my experience, this mindset can be defeated only by going through other, respective and kind, and in the same time long and serious relationships (not necessarily romantic; friendly relationships are helpful, too). It can't be defeated at once; it's a long and complicated process.
In my opinion, all what the bystander can do for a victim of such a sad situation, is call the police, if their life is under direct threat (for example, if the abusive person has a weapon). But if the victim doesn't want to be saved and covers up their offender, there is nothing to do at all.... (at least, if you aren't their close friend and don't want to invest an incredible amount of time and efforts to help them to change their mindset and rethink their life.)
I'm the type to run to help, but... I don't necessarily think it's a good thing either. I have no training, I'm pretty impulsive and I can potentially make things worse. I know I'm not the best candidate to help, but because I have little trust in humans, I have the tendency to think that if I don't do it no one will.
I have never been in a very bad, immediate danger situation, but helping with people getting harrassed or threatened, yes. But it's risky for everyone because I don't really know what I'm doing.
I do think unless there is immediate danger the best is to call for help, professional if possible.
Dude, even just doing that is doing a lot. A lot of people affected by the bystander effect can't even bring themselves to call 911, because that would mean 'getting involved'.
Some people might expect more from you, but tbh I don't think that's fair either. It's understandable to not want to risk life and limb to help people who are in trouble, that's why so many societies create police forces and emergency responders who are trained to get into those situations.
Daily reminder that freedom of speech is NOT freedom from consequences. If private citizens disagree with you or dislike your statements, that does NOT mean you are being censored; there is no law that guarantees you the right to have your opinions accepted by others.
@mariusthered
Freedom of speech means that the government can't harm you for anything you're saying. It doesn't protect you from other people disagreeing with you and appealing to you to be more considerate towards others. Which I did. Or, well, tried to do, which apparently was misunderstood. But it was nothing more.
@tired_programmer
If this forum belongs to all of us (which it does lol), you will have to live with people disagreeing with you, as well, just as you said yourself. "Please don't say potentially harmful things" is a request, not me trying to shut someone up. Apologies if that came across as if I were trying to assert dominance. ^^
I recognize that my statement was a bit broad as well, but I stand by the message. Why be so harsh on people who already suffer? Why not be more considerate what your words could do to others? That was the only goal of my post, not policing your opinion about love in general, mariustheread.
I simply misread the bit about "you're better off alone" as being targeted at the person you were trying to help that day, which then would've been disrespectful toward her, you know? That you were talking about yourself was only clear to me in later posts you made here. And that is an opinion I won't challenge, because it's deeply personal what each of us thinks of love.
I think that should clear things up.
Other than that: Never endanger yourself if you can help it! I haven't read nearly as much about the bystander effect as I'd like to, but I suspect that that's part of the reason so many people could struggle with actively helping (even just calling the police). Sure, the shared responsibility is a HUGE factor, but when I think about the fear of hurting oneself? I think that at least takes second place. I remember stepping between an aggressor and a friend of mine, and I almost sh*t my pants. 
It went well in the end, but that's not always the case. So as long as you don't think you can handle the situation in front of you, every step could be one too much. Especially since:
As laypersons, it might impede any chance of a situation being calmed down, even—be it psychologically or when people get physical. Most of us aren't trained to de-escalate things like these. Professionals are always our best bet if we can trust them to do their job right.
But I do wonder how we can really break through this bystander effect. I mean, as you're saying, @DokiDokiTsuna, most people don't even call for help. Do you think that's a modern phenomenon? You know, with more people around, no close-knit communities etc.? I wonder.
Short answer: Nah.
Long answer: Psychology is a modern science, so technically it's not possible to be sure. ^^; But I would be highly skeptical of writing it off as merely a modern phenomenon.
There's a difference between helping out a total stranger and helping a member of your "close-knit community"; the bystander effect only concerns strangers or people you don't know very well (if you'd look away as a loved one died in the street, that's something else entirely...). Although, the fact that we have bigger cities now certainly helps to nurture the bystander effect: there's almost ALWAYS someone else around to shift responsibility to.
But if the bystander effect wasn't a thing in older societies, why did beggars and street children and poor widows exist? Shouldn't they have been helped and taken care of by the people who surely witnessed them living their lives in the gutters?
On the contrary, I think the parable of 'The Good Samaritan', and other stories like it, existed back then for a reason. ;]
I think is because at this point the society was big enough for people to not know everyone. Some travelling facilities like carriages allowed people to go from a city to another. They even organized caravans to travel more safely which means more people fluctuating. Definitively not as much as nowadays, but big enough for people not knowing everyone.
Also, unfortunately, people may not know these people, so there is not enough trust to help in that way. Maybe with a coin or two, something that may not be risky for the helper.
You both raise good points. xD
Maybe "modern" should be used as a broader term, then? Or better yet: big civilizations? I doubt that in Ancient Rome people were more amenable to help out strangers than in today's society, for example.
But smaller communities? Take modern indigenous peoples, for example. If the colonizing west hasn't reached them yet, they mostly seem to be working just fine with each other, having a real sense of responsibility when it comes to the community as a whole (or nature, for that matter).
I think we could learn so much from them. Maybe even in terms of the bystander effect.
I have saved someone before, but in a pretty crazy way. Basically I had to pull a machete on someone. It was alight though, I didn't get arrested, but I see what you mean. Many times we like to think we'll make the difference but when the time comes we only wait for others to do it.
