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briyosan
Dec '24
2

hello. i'm a new writer and i'm writing a story that i want to be adapted into a manga (looking for a mangaka). it's an urban dark fantasy called L'Occulte. here's the full synopsis:

L'Occulte is set in the bizarre modern nation of Mercia, where Hexers, users/fighters of 'gray magic', privately navigate a society on the brink of collapse. Fiends, dark spirit entities, have always existed, but they were never a significant threat—until Alarik, a powerful rogue Hexer, unleashed a forbidden ancient hex that summoned fiends in greater numbers, purposely spreading chaos across the land.
Alarik, joined by his loyal crew, The Executives, has grand ambitions to revive Selestara, a powerful figure from Mercia's past, believing she can bring about the "glorious" old days of the world and reshape it under his rule. His plans are dangerous, not only for Mercia but for the future of all Hexers, as he searches for her hidden tomb.

In response, the protagonist Cai Grimbane and his close friend Geordie Faux form a rogue group of hexers, dedicated to stopping the growing fiend menace and putting an end to Alarik's plans. Though young and inexperienced, their passion drives them to challenge the fiends, The Executives and the Ultra Normis Society (UNS)—a secretive, government-backed agency of elite Hexers who work behind the scenes to manage threats like fiends.

Cai is also battling his own inner demons, haunted by his mother's death, family legacy and doubts about his abilities. As he and his allies steps deeper into this dangerous and secretive world, and his internal conflict threatens to consume him.
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i'm starting chapter one right now...it's difficult. was wondering if this is too complex lol. i imagine the tone both dark and colorful.

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    Dec '24

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    Dec '24
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DokiDokiTsuna
Dec '24

I think this is an interesting idea. A little cliché...

...but interesting enough. ^^; I see an eventful journey following Cai & co., trying to figure out what Alarik is doing and gaining skills as they face the Executives and tough fiend battles, maybe with a few confrontations with Alarik himself along the way.
I see the UNS getting in their way, maybe arguing that they aren't following 'regulations'; maybe arguing that they aren't good enough to stop the Executives (spurring the protags to prove them wrong); maybe eventually forming a truce with the protags for the final stretch of the plot.
I see Selestara being revived at the climax (Chekhov's gun, y'know) and bringing in a whole new conflict...does she agree with what Alarik is doing, increasing his threat level? Does she disagree; becoming a rogue third (well, fourth) party? Is she actually a bigger threat than Alarik ever was, forcing the whole cast to band together to stop her...?

Tbh, it doesn't seem complex to me at all; it feels like a basic shonen fantasy story. :T Maybe I could give some better feedback if you shared what you feel is complicated about it...?

Vassia
Dec '24

I remember you sharing this idea before, congrats on starting chapter one. If you feel like it's too complicated maybe that's stemming from not having the story as planned out as you need. I suggest writing a plot outline (could be just bullets point), it's not for everyone but it helps me. I like having at least a beginning and an end in my head.

briyosan
Dec '24
1
DokiDokiTsuna

Thank you for feedback! it is a little cliche though lmao. i wanted to have a blend of Shonen and Seinen, y'know. Because there are mature themes in this like depression, loss, grey morality...and much profanity.
the focus would be more on their internal growth, their relationships with Cai and his crew (Geordie, Sal, Jania, etc), and how they navigate the dangers posed by Alarik and his Executives, as well as the fiends and other obstacles like Cai’s depression, Sal’s family pressure, and Geordie’s desire for recognition since he's usually the 'funny one'.

When she revives, she will...at first. She will betray him sooner or later, that's the route i'm going for, so she can become basically the new main antagonist in the final arc. Also Alarik's past is the reason why he is, which i can't say yet.

i guess the complicated part is the pacing.

briyosan
Dec '24
Vassia

Thank you. I have started writing bullet points, a LOT which it does help but then i look back at it and want to keep changing or add more lol

Vassia
Dec '24

If you want a longer one like me, just spit it all out at once my book one has a 30 page outline with bullet points lol, but then don't touch it. It's a guide, but it doesn't mean you have to stick by it completely just use it to keep the story moving forward instead. I don't think I've actually edited my outline since the first few weeks I made it. It took me a while to get all the ideas out and then even longer to get them in the right order, but now I only pull it out when I get stuck and can't remember which direction I wanted to go in next. At least that's what works for me.

Though the most important step is to just write it. Writing it is the hard part. Personally I usually don't even write an outline until I've written the first 10-20 pages because that let's me get a feel for the characters and world first (plus I always immediately have a clear image for a beginning so that helps). If I'm able to spit fire that vision of a start I have onto a paper then I worry about what comes next after. I write first to get vibe of if this is a story I'm passionate enough about to put more work, thought, and time into. It's going to take a lot of time so you might as well start writing now even if chapter one gets scrapped later it'll help to just get the story started. Just write and get critiques if you're still uncertain or want some advice. There's only so much advice we can offer for an idea so don't let get stuck in your head.

DokiDokiTsuna
Dec '24

Hm, in that case: so when I start to organize an adventure story and pace it out, I usually think in terms of a multi-shelled system-- Location > Objective > Development.

Location is the widest and simplest shell, so it comes first: I try to figure out where the characters are going to go, in accordance with each major beat of the story. Let's say the party starts out by going to Cai's family home, then later they end up at UNS headquarters, and much much later they end up at Selestara's tomb. There are probably a lot of locations in between these three, but we can always fill those in later. ^^;

Then comes Objective: why are they going to these places? Determining the purpose of taking the story to these locations will help you start to figure out how much buildup it'll take to do so.
Family home: Let's say Cai will reluctantly return here, allowing the rest of the party (and the audience) to learn the details of his sad backstory
UNS headquarters: Let's say Cai's party gets into some trouble with the law, and there's a big fight here, to showcase how much they've grown with gray magic since the start of the adventure
Selestara's tomb.: Let's say this is where the 'final boss fight' happens with Alarik, before Selestara is finally awakened.

So the 'family home' thing could easily be a single 'episode' event; shouldn't take too much time to detour the story here, have the characters learn what they need to, and then move on.
The other two events, however, would be the culmination of several encounters with the UNS and Executives, respectively, so they'd probably take place over 'seasons'; i.e. multiple-episode arcs. We could dedicate an isolated chunk of episodes to each event, building up to it, addressing it, and resolving it before moving on to the next (easy mode), or we could use one arc to build up the other, weaving them together (hard mode).
For example, if we made the Executives crash the party at the UNS Headquarters, taking advantage of their enemies' infighting to ambush them or steal something from under their noses, that would be a simple way to use the event to build up to the next one.

Finally (this ended up being way longer than I thought it would...apologies ^^; ) comes the character development, nested within the other two shells. Now that we know where the story is going and why, how can we develop the characters along the way?
Family home: Maybe Cai is initially secretive and defensive about his backstory, and this event will force him to start opening up to his friends; accepting their help and support with more personal issues and deepening their bonds.
UNS headquarters: Maybe Cai's party and the UNS have beef that they resolve through battle; grudges and frustrations that they just have to work out through violence before they can see each other as equals.
If each member of the party has an agent of the UNS as a foil, this is a great place to compare and contrast their attitudes, showcasing their growth. For example, since Geordie is the 'funny one' who wants to be taken seriously, I'd pair him up with an agent with a similar desire for recognition, only maybe they're more aggressive and desperate for it. That desperation leads them to over-exert themselves and make mistakes during the fight...mistakes that, by now, Geordie has learned not to make, since he's become secure in his own worth.
Selestara's tomb.: Switching it up-- maybe Alarik's character gets explored here, as we learn why he's so committed to his grand master plan. Maybe this final fight involves him making a desperate last stand, giving up life & limb to show the protags and the audience just how far he's willing to go for his goals. Maybe he delivers a devastating blow to the heroes, possibly killing one of them, to show how much they could lose by continuing their fight, and whether they can cope with that reality.

...Anyway, in the end you'll have a list of Locations, each carrying story beats and character development within them, which you can mix, match, re-order, connect and extend. To slow down the pace of a section of story, you can nest more Objectives and/or Development into one of those shells, or add more Location shells in between them. And to speed up the pace, you can knock one out, moving its Objectives and Development to another Location to preserve them (if necessary).

Whether ^this list is super detailed or just simple bullet points, I think just having it makes it easier to know what needs to get done in the story, how many steps it'll take, and how you can add to or subtract from that.

kyupol
Dec '24

1) Sounds interesting. Just don't dump world data in long paragraphs in the beginning. Just keep going and let plot reveal itself as story progresses.

2) make your characters attractive. Regardless of how badly you screw up the plot, that will fix it. :laughing:

3) put time and effort into dissecting fights. Like what a typical shonen anime does. That never gets old. Always love those.