Venting about the holidays (LGBTQIA+ edition but all else are definitely welcome)

[elyss]

Firstly, sorry if the acronym is outdated I'm bad at keeping up.

Basically, if you feel the need to vent, do so. My holidays were perf until about 10min ago.

Bi Ace PoC here and I've been engaged to my Bi fiance for a couple of months now but we've been dating much longer. The grandparents on her side recently found out and the first pair were basically like 'you do you.'

The second pair found out today and her grandmother was like 'that's between you two and god' which I've heard before and don't care because whatever. She then went on this uncomfortable shpeel basically shaming my fiancee for her choice but in the 'I'm just saying so it's fine cause religion and my tiny opinion lol' and smiled and nodded politely because she doesn't want to deal with it.

Anyways I angry cried in the back yard becasue where do people get off thinking I even want their opinion on my relationship?

TLDR: straight religious grandma made me cry in the backyard because she cuntishly decided to make me feel like crap for my life choices and I couldn't tell her about herself because my fiancee would be sad.

[JRHoch]

This is a positive vent. For the holidays I went to my brother's house. About 30 people were in attendance and the ages ranged from two to eighty, there were people from eight different ethnicities, three different sexual preferences, one person with Asperger's, and two Trump supporters. And everyone got along. The United Nations should work so well.

To the OP, most of the time you can't change how people think or feel, even more so when someone is a grandmother--her system of beliefs has been written. What you can change is how you react to people who don't support your choices. Don't give them so much power.

[elyss]

They didn't see me cry and they won't meet my kids and that's all that matter to me

I'm so happy that you had a good time with such a diverse group

[draweththeraven]

yeah ok vent time (and i'm sending love!).... my maternal grandparents are p good with lgb couples (my cousin is wlw and her gf comes to christmas parties) but in addition to being bi ace i'm nonbinary so i didn't feel that great when my younger cousin outright said "I don't agree with transgenderism" as if it's a choice lmao i was feeling shit all day

[elyss]

I feel you. I don't get why people think it's perfectly polite to say these things. It's like saying a disagree with your very existence. It's especially jarring if you had a perfectly normal relationship until that moment.

I have a strong feeling that gender identity is going to be that thing that people are going to be split on when they get old and people will justify it saying 'it was a different time,' but in that same vein there will be people like me to tell them how wrong they are on your behalf

[GabiWolf]

Just popping in to say, everyone deserves love, respect, and that it’s perfectly fine to cut out negative people for you mental health!

My wife reminded me of this on. I was in the middle of a panic attack and depressive episode, all because I felt like I had no choice in going to a family gathering for Christmas Eve. I didn’t want to go to my parents because my sister and her husband would be there (Her husband has homophobic opinions and my sister is narcissistic, both did not attend our wedding last year).

My wife response to me freaking out was to take me clothes shopping feed me pizza, and to tell me we are not going to my parent’s. Surprisingly my mom and dad respected my boundaries and we will go see them for New Years.

[elyss]

It's always good to have someone who'll guide you when you feel like there's only one path

[Kiweevil]

I feel ya. Fortunately I was out of state and got to skip chatter with my relatives this holiday season, save for my aunt, but she's pretty chill. The lot of them is very religious. So they don't like that I'm not straight or that I'm not of the same religion as them. Spent Christmas with my roommate and boyfriend, and he got us both pride shirts. Cuz he's cool like that.

[draweththeraven]

yeah, i'm extremely pro-religion but there's zero denying that a lot of (usually christian) religious people justify their bigotry with bad interpretations of their faith and i'm really grateful most religious people i know are chill. i was even able to bring up that christmas traditions are largely co-opted from pagan ones without a fuss from my catholic grandmother which was kind of astounding

[Kiweevil]

I always found it funny how pagan Christmas really is. I kinda giggle when people ask me why I celebrate religions if I don't belong to the faith.

I'm pretty chill with different faiths. One's religion is unimportant to me as long as it isn't hurting me or my buddies. I'd make friends with just about any person of any religion, race, gender, age, or upbringing as long as they were a good person.

The second you nag on me for liking girls, I do get a bit defensive though.

[GabiWolf]

I had a very catholic upbringing, and still believe, but I also know the history of the church, and the pagan traditions that sneak into practice. My grandpa once suggested the three wisemen that came to see baby Jesus where Buddhist. There are a lot of chill religious people, they just aren’t so in your face as the others.

[Kura]

Holidays are generally just immediate family members and a few select others, due to drama that has happened in the past. We still contact them over the phone or facebooks, but they are no longer welcome to dinners as are we to theirs.

It was the first Christmas without Opa which was weird. We all missed him but did not miss hearing his very opinionated opinions on any of our orientation (several family members are LGBTQ+), or have him bring up my and my dad's race and religion (buddhist), Which he just never was able to get comfortable with.

So it was odd... cause it was VERY huge weight taken off our shoulders because no one had to deal with those conversations, which resulted in no one having to remove them selves to cry about being having been born gay or not white. But we would also feel bad because the reason we're not having to listen to it is because he died.

[burginlewis]

Christmas stress with my parents too. Also lifestyle issues, although not sexual ones. In a nutshell, my husband and I are minimalists, and my parents are showy spenders. I am therefore depriving my kids.

This sort of crap frequently gets much worse when you have a kid, by the way. Parents who are perfectly OK saying "you do you" can get very uptight and preachy when your choices affect their grandchildren too.

[draweththeraven]

okay, i'm gonna go on a little bit of a spiel here! (religion is my special interest) there is evidence to suggest that the wise men were in fact zoroastrian priests (whom are called Magi, like many references to the wise men)

also @Kiweevil yeah! religions absorb so much from each other it's really cool - but the minute someone uses any ideology to be a homophobe i throw hands

[Kiweevil]

Oh no I understand and I find it fascinating, too! Especially garden of Eden stories. I love the Naga comparison, but then again I'm just a sucker for serpents in general.

[JRHoch]

Eating pizza is the balm for the world.

[jurinova]

I had my second Christmas alone and it went much better than last year when I basically just stayed in bed for a week... or more, ehem. I actually had a pretty fun time by myself this year. I cooked and baked, and cleaned the apartment. I even had some presents to open, which was lovely! What kinda hurt was that when people finally came back into town and had the opportunity to see me, they didn't. Not to mention people didn't even call me, which feels a bit bad.

Still, a Christmas alone is preferable to a Christmas with someone who managed to make me feel like absolute shit every year. Maybe next year will be even better and easier. Perhaps I'll even have a partner to share it with.

[GabiWolf]

It wasn’t until recently that I found out about Zoroastrians, so I don’t know much about them, and usually can only find vague information, but that’s very interesting. I am very open and interested, and took a world religions course in high school, which was a special treat to be able to take seeing as I am in the southern Bible Belt. There were complaints but the class went on.

So yes there are some people that use their religion to oppress, and that’s not right, but I find speaking up, spreading love and knowledge helps some people open their eyes.

[Cavechan]

I can't say much on the coming out to family and having a bad reaction thing as I've never had the need to and we do have several gay members in the family and it's never been an issue.

On the acronym thing though, there is a better acronym which is way better since the "LGBTQIA+" is just ridiculously long and annoying and STILL not completely inclusive. A better acronym is GRSM (https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=GRSM stands for Gender, Romantic, Sexual Minorities) which is way better in every way. I hope it catches on more soon and is able to eventually replace the other one.

[JRHoch]

The comedian, Dave Chappelle, has a great joke about this. Paraphrasing, he calls the extended LGBTQIA+ community the Alphabet People and says he hates them, not because who they have sex with or their preferred gender, but because they stole most of the letters for themselves.