Ok Iām back! I hope this isnāt too long! I wrote down what stood out to me:
*so I typed out a chapter by chapter thing and I accidentally deleted it so Iāll give my highlights
Naharis stood out to me but it seems misplaced in the first chapter. It may be something that builds but I think it would be better suited for the second chapter.
Jeriff and Nicholson are suspect so you do well to plant that seed of doubt early.
You have great cliffhangers
Suspense is well done, but less passive voice to keep the build up
Descriptions are š½š½
Time imagery is excellent and on brand, also gives readers clues to whatās happening
The headaches are a good clue to what may be happening. I guessed it had to do with turning back time and glad I was right
The 30 minutes to die thing
Ghost girl is a vibe and I love her
Mage vs non mage business a good clue
Iām dreading to think her stopping her death will have worse consequences (they did)
Speaking of, good clues for the police to be in on it, that was well done
Explanation about Jeriff and Nicholson was good and interesting
Moon imagery as Sandra fell was good. Dying to live. I feel that
I need to find out what happens next!!!
I get an overall mystery, suspenseful vibe. The paranormal is layering in and Iām interested to see how Nate plays into all this. You do very well to carry the story from update to update. With the cliffhangers/breaks.
Colors: I get cool color vibes, greens and blues. And some grays. Donāt know why. Also, the reoccurring transition to dusk is so good. So for those I see sunsets, pinks and oranges.
If you have more specific questions, I can answer those too.