I would say for me it would be episodes 5 through 12 of Wild Nights, Hot and Crazy Days. These episodes deal with my first experience with trauma, coming to terms with my sexuality, and the emerging relationship cut short between my friend and I. I will summarize what happened here, but I warn, it s a tear jerker. This is a long "Summary", but remember, I'm condensing seven chapters here!
I had just turned thirteen years old on Boxing day, 26 December, 1984. On 30 December, during a sleepover at his place my friend Aiden and I discussed sexuality. He had picked up on subtle signals from me (he'd see my eyes lingering on a hot guy, and even noticed me looking at him), and we confessed our feelings for each other. I am gay, he was bi. We talked a lot about how these feelings... felt (for lack of a better term), and snuggled in to bed together. We did nothing more than snuggle - we were very young, and besides, we were not alone - we were babysitting his six year old brother while his mother worked. I went to bed thinking that I was on top of the world.
Then, the very next day, 31 December, trouble hit. Aiden's mother was upset at us because we had been smoking in the house and he had even drank a couple of beer while we watched movies. Being the hyper-intelligent kids that we were (sarcasm) we forgot to clean up the evidence before going to bed, so his mom came home to full ashtrays and empty beer bottles. Needless to say, she exploded. Aiden was immediately grounded, and I was sent home to await the wrath of my own parents after she called them and told them what we had done.
Fortunately that phone call never came.
Unfortunately, the reason that phone call never came was that just after I left Aiden's house he and his younger brother Richie got into a big argument, which resulted in Richie running out of the house and disappearing into the woods. I was very surprised when Aiden showed up at my door (he had been grounded, after all), but he was not there to hang around, he was looking for help. Richie was missing. I called our other friends and the bunch of us combed the neighbourhood looking for him. At around supper time it was starting to get dark, so we headed to Aiden's house only to find a bunch of police cars. They told us that in addition to Richie there was a six year old girl missing in the same area. We told the police the places we had looked and my friends and I went home, leaving Aiden with his mother and the police.
For the rest of the evening I was at home. My parents were throwing a New Year's Eve party, and everybody knew about the missing children (it was all over the news). I kept calling Aiden to see if anything had turned up, but eventually the police admonished me not to call anymore in case Richie was trying to call from somewhere. It was a very subdued party indeed, everybody's thoughts being on those two children.
Then, at 11:55PM, only five minutes to midnight, the phone rang. I answered it, and it was Aiden, bawling his eyes out with the news we were all dreading: They had found both children in the lake. They had gone through the thin ice and drowned. I felt empty inside. Everybody at the party was bawling. My mother guided me to bed, and as I laid there I watched my clock turn over from 31 Dec 1984 at 11:59PM to 01 January 1985 at 12:00AM. The new year had come in.
After the death of Richie, Aiden and his mother disappeared. I didn't hear from them until February, when Aiden called me and asked me to come to the place he was staying: His mother's boyfriend's house a few towns over. I gladly accepted the offer, and is mother's boyfriend's brother (who shared my name, but spelled differently: Carman instead of my Carmen)) picked me up. On the car ride he told me how hard Aiden had been taking the tragedy, and before we arrived he even stopped his car and told me that it was not going to be pleasant, and offered to take me back home if I didn't think I was up to facing him. I told him to continue.
Even though I had been warned, I could not have been prepared for how bad Aiden was. He was holed up in his bedroom avoiding everybody. Carman told me that Aiden hadn't even wanted to call me, that he and Aiden's mother had cajoled him into doing it. I went inside and talked to him. I learned some more about what happened that day. The long and short of it is that Aiden and Richie had a big fight, Aiden threatened Richie, and Richie ran away scared. Aiden blamed himself for the tragedy. This was not helped by Richie's last words: "I HATE YOU, AIDEN!" as he disappeared into the woods.
Defeated, I left Aiden in his room and found Carman. As it turned out, Carman was gay too, and Aiden had told him all about me. Carman, in fact, had given Aiden instructions on what to say to me that night, and it was he who suggested that Aiden drink a beer or two to loosen up his nerves before he broached the subject. At first I was terrified, but afterwards I was grateful: Carman and I had a long and very serious talk, and the things he told me helped me understand my sexuality better. He gave me some of the best advice I could have ever received on how to accept and deal with who I was, and how to protect myself from haters and homophobes. Almost forty years later I am still grateful for the talk we had. I I won't repeat that advice here, as it would take several chapters to do so, but I don't know how I would have managed without it.
Our talk was interrupted by dinner, and during that dinner Aiden made an appearance: His first such appearance since the tragedy. Carman and I left the table so that he could talk to his mother and we continued our talk in the carriage house. As he was wrapping up, Aiden came into the carriage house, so Carman left the two of us to talk.
It was then that my heart was broken for the first time in my life. Aiden told me that we could no longer be friends because every time he thought of me he thought of that tragic night. He would never return to our town. I was devastated. He left me crying in the carriage house, and Carman came out with his brother (Aiden's mom's boyfriend). The two of them picked up where Carman had left off, and helped me to understand why my friendship with Aiden must end. I did not like it, but at least now I understood it. Aiden needed to move on from the tragedy and could not do so with old friends.
The next morning Carman drove me home. Before we left their house I scribbled a note to Aiden. It was two simple words: "I Understand". I slipped it under his bedroom door and left.
I never heard from Aiden, Carman, or any of the others again.