OP described this dilemma perfectly.
I think my main character's a little bit of a mess, but let's see if I can get a summary running of June, main character of Urban Wolf.
First of all, she's a highly capable swordmaster. That tends to count for a lot when you're in a city with a bunch of drug cartels, and she can be a little handy with more than just swords. Her vocal range is also pretty good-oops, I might be foreshadowing a little too much.
As for her actual personality? She's rather observant and focused, with a degree of austerity that I'd think most people would almost covet-cool, but never too freezing to pop off a few fun lines when among people she can reasonably trust. But above all else she's pretty tough physically and mentally, able to harden herself into doing the kind of things nobody should have to do if that's what it takes and avoid breaking down when it actually counts.
Now to the bad parts.
That psychological hardness is kind of a weakness, though; it leads her to being very insular, and she never seems to truly let out whatever feelings she might have within due to a lack of outlets. This combined with a bad environment and a history of keeping it all inside leads to her sense of morality corroding over the course of the story. Not completely or all at once, but by degrees here and there. Though given how much trouble that was giving her, maybe that's just her way of adapting. After all, damaged people are dangerous because they know how to survive.
But yes, the silent misery of it all is a pretty annoying side effect as well.
