When a story's too close to home? :thinking: (debate/discussion)

TheThoughtfulBoxful 2018-02-04 16:03:42 UTC #1

/something i was thinking about/

as human beings, we more often then not write from experience. no matter the genre, emotionally, there's usually some connection between the story and storyteller. sometimes, this connection is subtle, and sometimes, either on purpose or accidentally... it's not so subtle. and that's when people start making their own interpretations of your work. of course, this is inevitable, sharing your work online. however, I was thinking on a more personal scale...

tl;dr - have you ever written/thought of a story with themes/situations that might strike a nerve with those in your social circle (friends, family, etc.)? did/do you "risk" telling it? should you? why or why not? in the long run, does it even matter (what others think)?

I think this should make for an interesting discussion!

arushiangelica 2018-02-04 16:20:37 UTC #2

There are elements of my life in my stories. It functions as something tangible that then gives way to fancy. I had a farewell quite similar to those of my character in Beautiful Rebellious Brainiacs but I never fainted, I never ran away from hospital.

People around us know to what degree it is fact and fiction. But what we all should remember that the "facts" are too fiction because they are the facts as we experience them.

Wumbl 2018-02-04 16:27:40 UTC #3

I think it can be fine so long as it's handled sensitively. If you know enough about the theme you can show it realistically while keeping it unique and intriguing.

For example, I used both mine and several friends' experience of sexual abuse and abusive parenting to create a character... But I paid careful attention to making him realistic and making sure his recovery is believable.
Without completely spoiling his story and without touching on too much, he's subjected to abuse by a religious group he's a part of. He ends up having to fight his way out and manages to get acquitted of the violence because it was in self defence. He tries to live a normal life but because his story was a media storm a lot of people tend to bring it up and he finds it difficult to recover. As a result, he ends up starting a new life living under a masked alias. He even discovers new empowerment in his relationship with family and sexual relationships as he gets a fresh start in understanding himself.

His experience is something a lot of people with PTSD can relate to, but he also isn't a sob story or a pity character - he's capable of getting better and learning to cope in healthy ways, but it takes time and requires major decisions.
As I have experienced it and people I know have experienced it I was able to work out the best way to handle it. I know how to handle a character who is an abuse survivor in much more detail because of this information.

I think using real life experiences can be crucial in branching out your options. There's no better way of understanding something than to get the perspective of someone who has lived it, and to understand how they'd like to see the story told.

The only time I think someone shouldn't touch on aa subject is if they've done no research. So long as the writer can understand what they're writing about there's always potential for real gems.

dawgofdawgness 2018-02-04 18:00:46 UTC #4

Hmmm...
My comic's pretty simple in concept, but I guess there's this lingering sense of hopelessness too..
For example, my MC is someone who is obsessed with becoming famous, despite having lots of things thrown at her. She's the kind of person who thinks that, if her hard work isn't recognize enough, it was for nothing. Thought that would be something that resonates with creators in general ¯_(ツ)_/¯

375 2018-02-04 19:35:10 UTC #5

I normally write very risque stories when I can because those stories, to me, are more powerful than any other stories. They hold what you or someone else have been through. And I always think, maybe there's someone out there that doesnt believe they can get out of a situation and maybe what Im writing could help. So I try to always tell it! Regardless if it'll strike a nerve with my family or friends.

yondoloki 2018-02-04 20:40:59 UTC #6

Yes, I have been wondering about this for a long time. Probably one of the reasons I haven't started a passion project yet of mine.
But also the story I am working on at the moment are based on life experiences, though it's not very clear yet, and I'm not sure people will getit as it is abstracted some. But as it is now, the story is about a girl whose twin was kidnapped by a fearie and replaced with an abusive doll. As I have been writing the doll the things she says is basically what my angxiety and self loathing tells me. I've also got comments about the abusive scenes being very tough and maybe that's why? The twins do represent different parts of one person, and that persons journey to find themselves again.

But yea. I recently read a story here on Tapas that was too close to home for comfort. It was about anorexia (no I haven't had that) but described very well some things I have been dealing with. Long story short it sent me into an angxiety attack, but on the other hand it also made me realize I really should seek therapy again.

My point is, that even if things can get too real, that might be a good thing sometimes.

Mari 2018-02-04 20:50:23 UTC #7

I add a ton of stuff from my own life into NSE. Mostly it's just like, an inspiration for a scene. Like I went on a photography adventure with my best friend and we found a dead kestrel, so I added that, but I tied it into the plot of the comic and changed everything about it, except the core action.

Also some of the thoughts Nem(protag) has, are like me channeling my teen years, but his life is in no way similiar to mine. But stuff like the anxiety of the first same-sex relationship or the relationship with a physically abusive parent, even though mine are nowhere near to the extent of what I'm putting my protag through, but it's easier to make a sympathetic character when you know how you acted in a similiar situation etc.

Jane Austen only wrote about what she knew, and she ended up being an author of multiple classics, so I feel like writing this way is not a bad thing.

TheThoughtfulBoxful 2018-02-04 21:05:53 UTC #8

Great responses!! Keep 'em coming, guys

Love this analysis! I can totally see this dynamic in your comic

Wow, that's awful! I remember one time I got uncomfortable with an earlier arc in the webcomic Dumbing of Age, a few years back when I tried getting into it. Seeing the similarities between the events of that particular storyline and things that had recently went down in my life felt weird. Like, really, really weird.. it was a matter of time before I lost interest

indagold 2018-02-04 22:08:47 UTC #9

I do base some of my stories on my experiences, though I guess all authors do, so its not really saying much? I want to avoid self inserts though because it becomes kind've just an embarrassing when you realize the story is less a story that can stand on its own and more your own unintended biography. I find that more of a fatal flaw in some stories where an author can't write a story without putting too much of their life in it. On the other hand intentional autobiographical work existed for eons, so I see nothing wrong with it. And stories about serious issues have also existed for a while, nothing new.

Personally I don't care what I make what affect on the world it has or people I know, I just make it because its a craft, the most thing I worry about is if its poorly written if anything haha. I do write about very serious topics but then again I never thought about it since its just life for me and others, you know?

indagold 2018-02-04 22:12:26 UTC #10

That's a really healthy outlook to care about self care when you realize a story hits close to home. To realize its something you need to deal with than escape from what might upset you.

TheThoughtfulBoxful 2018-02-04 22:17:44 UTC #11

I don't know that I fully agree with this. like, you shouldn't go out of your way to please everyone (it's impossible), but there should be some thoughtfulness, if you will, that goes into how certain themes will affect certain people, and plan accordingly. I'm not saying to avoid topics of conflict, but you shouldn't just throw stuff out there.

not trying to be aggressive or anything, just had a thought..

indagold 2018-02-04 22:35:42 UTC #12

I'm not implying just throw shit at the wall and not care if it sticks or not, essentially giving a big middle finger to the audience more just I'm not worried about how people will react and be more level headed when I do receive criticism or fanfare, negative or positive. You know, be down to earth with what you're making, not care too much about who or what you might potentially anger or appease, you never know in the end

IdiotWithPencil 2018-02-04 22:35:53 UTC #13

nope =P, I try mi very best to not portray real life, other than in character interaction and the other small things, mostly because I'm more preoccupied in making a good story.

I don't use my real life situations or themes mostly cause I'm making fiction/escapism, I believe people enter fiction first and foremost to get away from real life or for a "prettier" reality(where everything is there for a reason, nothing is random and there's an end to everything), so I try to do that.

told them =p my family is really open minded and they're very supportive.(as long as it doesn't Interfere with my studies that is XP)

yes and no, I don't care what people think of my story, mostly cause I'm making it for myself, but I do want people to like it and maybe entertain them while I make it.(also they might have some better ideas for a scene or other things, it's good to ask sometimes ;D )

KSlinger 2018-02-04 22:53:53 UTC #14

Yeah, there are a lot of parallels between the characters and events in West and things that have happened in my life and I've wondered if I ought to change that. None of it is blatantly self-inserty, as in none of the characters/events are a true reflection of me and things that happened, but I imagine if the people who know me closely read West they would identify who and where those themes came from. For example, I am not close to my father-- he was neglectful, selfish, and cruel at times-- and there is a character in the story who has the same relationship with her dad. In fact parenthood in general and how parents affect their children is a major theme of the whole comic, subtly and not-so-subtly.

I know I'm at risk of a certain amount of exposure within the family if any of them make the connection. I know he never will, but the fear of it has made me hesitate at times. However, I also realise that by fashioning those difficult experiences into pieces of something I truly love, the story has allowed me to take ownership of what happened and almost rewrite history in a way that feels good. For example, when this girl confronts her father for the last time, she is immediately comforted by someone who loves her very much. It's like I'm healing myself as well as her, and anyone else who has experienced the same. That can't be a bad thing, right? Even if it's scary.

AmysGames 2018-02-05 02:22:01 UTC #15

I don't tend to deliberately write things inspired by real world events or people, but there are definitely a few sensitive topics coming up in my stories later that I'm worried might not sit well with some people I know. I just hope I'll be able to handle it tastefully when I get to that point, haha.

monotone_ink 2018-02-05 06:00:55 UTC #16

I consider Project SHaDe to be my will/last words to everyone, just in case I die early - which is why I'm hauling ass on it.
It originally started as a comedic thing featuring my friends as characters, but now it's evolved to a full-fledged story. When there's enough content out and you look deep into it, maybe you'll see some of my own concerns embedded into it, intentional or not - but who knows.

I sometimes do worry about what friends may think when reading this, especially those who are 'featured' in it (though these characters are now nothing like them), but I believe by the time this whole story is done, they'll have already forgotten me to even care about it.

jpnakashima 2018-02-05 07:44:44 UTC #17

Ooh boy. Do I ever write stuff too close to home??
Ooooh boy.

In a way, I believe all we write is a mirror of ourselves, so it's inevitable for things to get personal, with varying degrees of exposure. That said, I know that's not the point of the question. It's about the people you know.

I used to write lots of stories with stand ins for friends in them and I always got myself worried sick of ''exposing'' such a raw opinion on them, specially when it came to stuff I disliked about them. I never quite learned how to balance it in a way it made me feel comfortable. These past years, though, it just happened that it's been a while since I wrote a story like that, so I'm not worried by now.
What I guess I've been thinking is that many of the flaws I see in people around me are my flaws too. So I've been going through a more self exploratory path.

tl;dr: It's all so close to home gosh darn it!!

(I'm prepping a old comic book I made in 2016 to release here as a short series and it's so damn personal I myself get embarrassed reading it sometimes. It's like the comic book drunk text equivalent. The balance was kind of off, I learned a lot about it. SHAMELESS PRE PROMOTIOOON)

UrMom 2018-02-05 16:44:16 UTC #18

TGtaHR has a lot of themes based on a combination of my own experiences, my family's, and the experiences of people whom I've talked to for research purposes. The comic has subjects like mental and physical illness, sexual abuse, gaslighting, manipulation, relationship abuse, attempted suicide, substance abuse, and eating disorders. I'm sure nerves will be struck, but if I was worried about that I wouldn't be tackling those subjects. When being confronted it's good to be respectful and understanding, but I don't see the point in avoiding it altogether. Sometimes that dark stuff needs to be talked about.
In a way I made this story to exercise anti-censorship (a lot of people have been trying to silence stories with problematic themes lately. Or have been trying to spread nasty stuff about the authors. Mostly on tumblr, of course), and to put some of my own problems into perspective. One of the main characters shares some of my self-loathing, cynical, depressing mindset. Laying it all out to put in paper helps me understand my brain a little more, even if the character isn't 100% like me.

Whether it all matters in the end. Again, it's good to be respectful, and the feedback may help you portray things more effectively. But nah not really, unless you do something legendary people will move on, your problematic work will be forgotten. Maybe new people will come by with their own criticism, but everyone moves on eventually.

ChanYE 2018-02-05 18:19:54 UTC #19

if i where ever to, id at least show a light at the end of the tunnel for my character even though i dont think there will be one for me.

bobabyulcom 2018-02-05 20:53:46 UTC #20

The comic I am working on is entirely based on real life. It's real events, real problems, real memories. BUT, I do not actively include my family, their own problems, and problems I have with them. That is because morally speaking, I am against it, and that's what it comes down to. Do you feel it's right to air the dirty laundry of other people out to the public? And for the MOST part, I don't.

As for just personal writing, I read an excerpt about story writing a few months ago which agreed that letting your personal experiences shape your story isn't necessarily bad. What ISN'T as acceptable, is using your story to work through current problems. Good storytelling is only storytelling. You can use it for therapy, but then you aren't telling the story for the sake of the story anymore, it is for your own gains.