I have three comics to share with you all and I was wondering which one is best based on the description. Here are the comics:
They're all creative rough webcomics and some day, I hope to make a better copy of one. If you want my opinion on your comics based on the description, feel free to share below. I'll share whether or not they're good descriptions and whether I like them or not.
Mar '18Mar '18
1 being the best
1) perception
2) hallufornax
3) censored
i think your stories are really interesting, never heard anything like them, and you are a very imaginative person but you should work on making your story line believable. also something to assist you "if you can't sum up your story line in a short sentence, it needs more work" (that's what my literature teacher said)
good luck.
i like censored more out of the three. the plot is to the point and the names are easy and can stick with the audience.
I like Censored the most too. That said, I do have a problem with how you wrote all of those descriptions. I feel like much of it would be better shown in your comics.
Since you keep mentioning in all of them they're 'rough webcomics', I feel you don't have a lot of confidence in your stories to ''speak for themselves'', or at least is afraid to let things be vague, so you kind of lay it all out. To me, descriptions are more like synopsis, so I tend to think of them as ''teaserific'' or really straight, back cover of a DVD kind of stuff.
This is just my opinion, of course, but I'll try to point what I think could get better from each one:
PERCEPTION
_''high intuition, telepathy, the ability to read minds'' - Aren't those all kind of the same? Telepathy and reading minds certainly are. For the sake of brevity, wouldn't it be better to trim it to one?
_There are commas before you name the characters. English is my second language, so I might be wrong, but I believe there should be none.
_''This god has the power to possess living things almost on an infinite level. To get away from Saccularius, Perception spreads around as the common senses of hearing, touch, taste, smell, and sight and also gives them bodies, as well.'' - Almost all of it is kind of not relevant to the description. The story is: Thief is after God that runs away giving the five human senses bodies.
_''NOTE: This story takes place in a world where having all common senses is uncommon.'' - Why is this an afternote in the description? Is this integral to the plot or just setting? This is something I feel it's better suited to the the story to tell. Is this super important? One way of incorporating it easily, though, and linking with the five senses stuff is starting with it. 'In a world where most don't have all five senses, a sense thief yadayadayada''.
CENSORED
_Commas before names again.
_A suggestion to streamline: Why not begin with ''Censored, a being...''
_We can infer TV is short for Television, no need to add the note.
_What the genres are is not really important to the synopsis. What matters is: There's a quest. He has to get seven items. That's the short version. It's kind of saltless, but at the core, this is it.
_Cliched, being the twin brother and antagonist, comes kind of out of the left field. Maybe there's a way to integrate him better to the beginning?
_No need to know you restarted the series. I wouldn't ever know if it wasn't on the description, and it really changes nothing. That could be added to the post episode commentary section, though, that's the kind of stuff I see people mentioning there.
HALLUFORNAX
_I'll get the main one out of the way: The character descriptions. We really don't need this is a description. I saw people doing character charts and posting them on their series, which is one way. You actually even did one, why not incorporate the description if you really wanna go this way? The other would be to show us this characters and we would know them with the comic itself. Characters only really exist (and matter) in the context of a story, so their descriptions amount to only bloating the synopsis.
_I don't know if we need to know you plan on updating it. While you don't, this is your work, and even if we wait, this is what we see.
_You seem to rely a lot on the whole ''a being named'' when it could be easier and clean to say just his name, like ''Furnace, a human shaped furnace...''
_''...resting in an imagination. In this imagination...'' - Too close. Why not join both sentences, in a way? ''In an imagination where he has to burn parts of eight different gods''
FINAL
_And one for all of them: I feel like it's kind of pointless to repeat all of them are rough webcomics. This is it, this is what we see. It's like you're apologizing for your work, like ''hey it's not good'', but maybe people do find it good! No one really expects you to deliver us something super professional. This is a site for webcomics after all, made by fans, by amateurs, by any people who love comics. Please, don't diminish your work. You did post it, after all! Don't be ashamed, please!!
All the pointers I gave you are kind of technical and I feel that if you follow it too straight, you'll end up with something a little too mechanic. That worries me a little, because even through description I feel are badly written, your ideas concepts still shine through!
I do like all premises. Just reading all descriptions, you can see they share something in structure, but all of them have distinct personality. More important: they all have a lot of personality! You feel like a really creative person and I feel that if you keep creating and creating you'll end up with something truly special in your future!!
Good luck!!
Thank you so much! Yeah, I do feel that my art isn't professional at times. I could draw realistically when I want to, but it takes a really long time. I'm really glad you shared with me. I'll start with working on my confidence a bit more first and stop saying that they're rough drafts (however, I plan to sharpen up my skills in the future and recreate them). I'll practice my descriptions by writing more. I'll also take all of what you said to help me create better descriptions for each story in the future. Thank you, once again.
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