I think a large part of the expectation revolves around women trusting women to write female characters better and to convey a woman as like ... a person (because there are some truly horrible examples of men writing women), so as long as your female character in the romance isn't a walking pair of tits, you're on the right track
This, of course, does not apply to yaoi, and I think if you're even thinking of aiming your story toward a female audience, this shouldn't be a problem for you