Writing Bullying: Cheesy vs. Realistic

[Inspector_Spinda]

What are your thoughts on how bullies are writing in media (not the sympathetic kind)? What makes a bully too silly or poorly written? What are your thoughts on bullies that specifically target minority groups for being minorities in stories? Talk about the concept itself as well as good and bad portrayals you might have seen. Characters can be kids or adults.

I'm trying to write some bullies so I want a understand what people don't like about them (in terms of being writing poorly) because I often see bullies in media and just groan a bit.

[Freemints30]

Here's the thing about bullying.

One person's realistic may be seen as unrealistic to another.

Burning another's homework and getting away seem cheesy to some, but it has happen to many others.

A bully that just has a bad home life is just as realistic as one who is an completely unsymapathic ass who just does crap for fun. (14 year olds can get scary).

I hate when people disregard some bullying featured in media as "unrealistic" because at the end of the day it usually has happened. And in some environments unfortunately very common.

Just figure out your setting and the people around the character and what you are going for.

[Pony_wearing_a_hat]

I feel like if it's bullying a person for being in a specific group, then there should be more than one person doing it instead of just one. If it's just someone who beats people up then they can be alone. But the vice versa of both scenarios can certainly work. The most important thing with bullies, I think, is that they have personality. It's not just a walking fist, they have something that rounds them out. Even something a simple as a quirk or habit can ingrain a bully character into audience's minds. Keep in mind that I could totally be full of baloney and this is just my rambling opinion. There really isn't any wrong way to write a bully since it's such a versatile archetype.

[CommanderMarty]

From my experience with bullies in media, they are rarely written well.

I think the best example I can think of (which is from a series I don't really like) is Bakugou from MHA.

But then again he can be viewed as a sympathetic bully so I would just stick with personal experiences if you want to go for realistic. (Some will view it as cheesy because what seems realistic and cheesy is subjective to anyone depending on experiences)

(Thanks for the ending bit Mints, you said it better than I could)

[cherrystark]

From my own experience, bullying is rarely as "obvious" as it is in the media. My childhood bully was one of my "friends" growing up. I didn't really recognize the mistreatment only that she acted "better" than me. I had a bully for a boss who'd openly say she loved and cared about me one minute, only to belittle me the next.

Depending on the story- I think if you are going to write realistic bullying where the hero overcomes the struggle, let it be subtle. Let them find success in other ways that allows them to heal. The cheesy bully and the mean girl bully aren't always the bullies everybody faces. Like any toxic relationship, the "bully" might be the person you are supposed to love.

[DokiDokiTsuna]

I think the most unrealistic bully characters are the ones that seem strangely isolated. Like everyone lives in fear of them, no one laughs along with them when they're picking on someone. I guess it could happen, but in my experience that's rare.

The typical bully thrives on social approval (some even bully specifically because they crave that attention from others, sort of like a class clown). They put on a show for everyone else; they say and do the mean things that other people would say and do to their target if they didn't have kindness and/or restraint.
And even if they do the actual work of bullying alone, they usually have a small group of friends (their primary 'audience') that they at least talk to about their targets,

The power hierarchy, in brief:

Level 1: People the bully really likes/respects. They actually control the bully's actions indirectly; if something the bully does doesn't get a satisfactory reaction from them, they may stop doing it. (optional)

Level 2: The bully, along with fellow bullies that collaborate with them of their own volition.

Level 3: Popular non-targets. They may or may not approve of the bully's actions, but in any case they are considered too well liked to be targets most of the time. When they do clash with the bully, it's usually very dramatic.

Level 4: The bully's 'pets', minor bullies that follow the main bully's lead and are essentially controlled by them. If they step out of line, there are usually immediate consequences from their peers or from the main bully themselves...and in a large group, at least one of them usually becomes the main bully's 'practice dummy', someone they ("jokingly") abuse when their usual targets are not around. (optional)

Level 5: Regular non-targets. The bulk of the 'audience', made up of people who either escape the bullies' notice most of the time or fly under the radar completely. They may or may not care about the bully's behavior...in any case, they usually avoid the targets, or even shun them, just to stay safe.

Level 6: The targets. Anyone who is low enough in the social hierarchy that you can abuse them and get away with it (i.e. the majority of those in power will not care). If you wanna get creative with this, see how high up you can push the target on the social ladder, yet still have them be bullied.*

In conclusion, as long as you have all the essential tiers of this hierarchy working and interacting throughout the story, whatever you have going on will probably look realistic.
And they don't all have to be named characters or anything. It should just be clear that they exist, through the descriptions of the bully and target's lives.

*Be careful with this-- don't fall into the typical 'Mary Sue' trap of having a character who is bullied for basically no reason other than sympathy points.
Yes, anyone can be bullied, but it has to fit the environment...or more specifically, the bully. If they are an adult 'womanizer', they will probably not bully a girl who is at least pretty and has lots of friends...they would prefer to 'perform' for them, and said girl would end up on Level 1 or 3.

To give another example, if they're a typical 'mean girl' bully, they would definitely bully said girl (they would see them as competition)...UNLESS, said girl made attempts to get on her good side. If she's pretty and popular enough (and if her morals are loose enough...), she could easily get absorbed into the bully's clique, and/or find herself on any level from 1 to 4.

[NickRowler]

My major issue with bully characters is when they are depicted as tall, over weight, conventionally unattractive kids who were held back and has an abusive parent. If anything, kids who are like this in real life tend to be more the victims of bullying than the bully themselves.

[But_a_Jape]

This is actually something I've recently been thinking about in regards to my own views of bullying. In my personal life, I sometimes like to ironically joke about shoving some nerd in a locker or giving them a swirly - the irony being, I myself am a very stereotypical nerd and anyone who knows me would clearly understand that, if such scenarios were to occur in real life, I would be the one in the locker/toilet. But I find the joke amusing in part because I have never experienced, nor known anyone else to have experienced, being shoved in a locker or being given a swirly. All of my experiences with this type of bullying have come from watching them in cartoons or old cheesy movies, so I just see this sort of thing as ridiculous and not reflective of reality.

But I also acknowledge that those pieces of media were based in truth, to some degree, and probably stuck around in popular culture because a number of viewers saw a reflection of their reality in it (I also wouldn't be surprised if some real life bullies did so specifically because they saw it in a cartoon or movie).

So when it comes to what I understand "real life" bullying to be, my personal experiences were a lot less physical (i.e. being beaten up or tossed around) and more emotional/mental (verbal abuse, mockery, social isolation, etc,). I'm also aware that I have a very different upbringing from a lot of people - the kids I grew up with were generally academically-oriented and well educated, so no one was being bullied for their intelligence or being a "nerd" because the popular kids and bullies were all fairly intelligent and nerdy as well (I say "no one" to reflect what I personally saw, but I'm sure a number of kids I knew could very well have been bullied for those qualities in a different environment). Instead, the victims of bullying I was usually familiar with were the "weird" kids (who, in retrospect, were probably neurodivergent to some degree) or some poor soul who got on the wrong side of an especially popular person for one reason or another. Sometimes they were even kids who others would have considered "popular" because they appeared to have a lot of friends, but within that "friend" group they played a somewhat submissive role that would get them taken advantage of.

Bullying can be complex, is what I'm getting at.

Anyway, since I rarely get the opportunity to talk about this particular nitpick, I would like to bring up how much this sort of thing annoyed me in Danny Phantom. I think if you're going to write a character who is being bullied, you need to make it clear why they, specifically, are being bullied - especially if they're someone who's supposed to be bullied more than usual. Danny Fenton was, by all means, a completely average kid, boringly average I'd say, and intentionally so because Butch Hartman was trying to make him super relatable to the targeted demographic. Yet, he's also one of the most aggressively targeted students at his high school, but why? He's barely got a personality to make fun of, never mind any particular interests, and, if a noticeable amount of the internet is to be trusted, he's a pretty good looking dude. His friends make sense: Tucker is a stereotypical nerd and Sam is a weird goth girl, but Danny gets the brunt of the bullying for no reason other than he's the main character and that's how you build sympathy.

[paracosmosfiction]

I think @Freemints30 hit the nail on the head. One person's stereotypical bully may be another person's unfortunate reality. We may laugh at the idea of some poor kid being stuffed into a trashcan and rolled down the stairs, but the sad fact is that there are people out there who pull stunts like that.

The fact is, whether it seems laughable or not, subtle or unsubtle, bullying comes in as many different forms as there are people who have inferiority complexes and something to prove. If there is one unifying factor behind bullying, however, it's usually this. Bullies are bullies because they don't like things that are different.

I was bullied for a short time throughout middle school. It wasn't terrible, and I got over it, but it still happened. Looking back, I realize they did it because I was an easy target. I had severe ADHD, a neurotic obsessive-compulsive personality, and a really bad social anxiety disorder. Naturally, I always stood out like a sore thumb, and the other kids didn't like that.

Now I'm not sharing this story out of pity or anything like that. Middle school was about sixteen years ago for me, I've very much moved on from that, and am actually on really good terms with a lot of those same people as adults. Which is something else that I think not enough people get about bullying. Is that nine times out of ten, it's only temporary. The people you may view as your mortal enemy one day, could very well go on to become one of your best friends the next.

Bullying sucks, and the reason it happens also sucks. But it doesn't have to be a thing that sucks forever. I wish more people would incorporate that in their writing.

[indagold]

Bullies have become a trope kinda so I can very much understand why they are portrayed rather silly as they have become a character archetype. Same with saturday morning villains. The wacky dude dressed funny and twirling his mustache while robbing the store in real life would probably not be a fun person to hang out with... that's why they stay in fiction lol

There's a lot of character archetypes that become rather dark if you think about the real world implications.

[skyfarron]

Everyone bullies someone, so you just have to figure out what that person actually wants, why, and how they think they're going to get it through their actions. We bully the ground when we walk on it. Take that, you fucking GRASS. EAT FOOT.

Realistic bullies are usually the ones who don't call themselves bullies, but who think of themselves as the hero and someone else as an outlier that's infecting their sense of normality. Or they're making that person tougher, or some other reason.

[crowstories]

As someone currently writing about bullies, I would say that realism isn't always the goal. In my case the main "mean girl" really is a caricature of that archetype, and while she does horrible things, I try to keep it cartoonish enough to avoid being an absolute bummer. The story isn't really about her, and what I'm trying to portray more realistically is the social dynamic that is formed by her bullying, if that makes sense. She's just the trope that quickly provides context for the social situation that the main characters find themselves in.

[Shredder]

I've had a varied upbringing where I've experianced some unpleasent situations, I've personally been spat on, choked out, pushed down stairs, set on fire, mocked, and belittled.

A lot of people try and put sense to the actions of what has happened, "why did you do this?" is the most frequent question and it is the one most commonly answered with a "I don't know." I then grew up and joined the military, through all that noise and I've really come to understand.

That senseless violence is senseless, it doesn't need a reason and will often just appear because the aggressor is bored. People can flip and do a 180 on their personality because sudden violence is sudden. I'm from no ethnic minority, I have no disibilities, I don't look different from anyone else where I'm from. I was just quieter and liked reading books.

Some people demand that bullies have a reason so that everything happens for a purpose and reason, that is unrealistic. Not to say that they don't all think about their actions each bully is still a living breathing person who has their own wants and desires and it is important to know that when writing a bully their entire personality isn't just "being an asshole"

[rajillustration]

For me it's like is this bully a character or just a miniboss like from a video game? A lot of bullies seem to exist in stories to be an obstacle and really have no other purpose. There's no depth to them, they're not interesting...they're just there to be rude and make your main character mad.

[dsptss78]

It really depends on what you're going for in your story. If your going for comedic value then usually a cheesy bully would work. However, if you want something with a more serious tone, then I suggest you go for the more realistic route. You also have to decide on whether your bully is a minor character or a major character. That will decide how much depth or back story you want to implement into your bully character.

[skippyjoeskilling]

I think if you're going to write a character who is being bullied, you need to make it clear why they, specifically, are being bullied

I think this hits it exactly. Especially since op mentioned bullies who specifically target a minority group. Sadly, a lot of bullying specifically target marginalized people, even if the bully isn't aware of it. Eample, someone may think they're just making fun of their classmate for having silly interests, but not analyzing how they only think they're silly interests because they're stereotypically feminine and the classmate who like them is a boy. Or someone is passive aggressive to their coworker for acting 'weird' without realizing said coworker is autistic. A lot of times there are layers between what the bully thinks is happening and what's actually happening.

That said, the only thing that really makes a bullying scene go from serious to unintentionally funny to me is when the insults are so out-dated it becomes unnatural. I don't think a high-schooler has seriously used dork or squirt as an insult since the 50s. Just let them curse!