YAY! Feedback for Feedback!

[NotBeatrix]

EDIT 4/13/2022

If you've just stumbled upon this post, hi there! This is a post for Feedback for Feedback I created a year ago. Anyone whom did not receive feedback from before, please let me know down below and drop your book link if you are still interested and you will be first priority in the order of posted!

If you are new, hi there! If you are interested in receiving a feedback for feedback you can also drop your book link below. I go in the order they arrive and promise to get back to you no matter how long it takes. Need proof? I've returned to a year old post to make due on any lost promises, lol.

Lastly, I am not currently working on my book Blood Cross the book I am working on is called Tempest and Temptation the link is down below. Thnxx.

Hey guys! So I recently was on this post from @mnheller87

Read and Review

I thought it was a wonderful idea, so I'm replicating it with my own!

OLD BOOK: I'd appreciate some honest and helpful reviews on my novel, Blood Cross It's an action thriller romance novel about vampires and stuff.

----CURRENT WORK: https://tapas.io/series/Tempest-And-Temptation/info.

Read Tempest And Temptation | Tapas Web Novels

So, if you decide to leave me your reviews, in return, I will read yours as well!

You can leave me whatever feedback and criticism you have! For example, was it interesting, or did you feel the writing got confusing or vague at times? Did you find some typos or errors? Etc. Etc. I would greatly appreciate whatever feedback you can give!

Don't forget to drop me your link of your Novel/Comic, so I can provide feedback as well! While I'm reading I typically like to comment and like your chapters, while I save my full feedback and review for here the forum here on Tapas! You don't have to do the same if you want.

I normally read how many chapters you read of mines, unless I genuinely enjoy it. In that case, I'll be subscribing to it and reading it in my free time!

Let's continue to help each other out guys Thanks in advance, I appreciate it!

[bulletcrucifixion]

Sunday is my feedback day, I can add you on my list.
My novel :

Sniflheim civil war | Tapas

[NotBeatrix]

No problem!

Then, I'll be getting started on what I can on yours!

[NotBeatrix]

Okay! So, I've just finished reading the first 6 chapters of your book! So, here are some of my thoughts as I was reading!

Chapter One:

• THE MUSIC IS AMAZING!

• CAN THE MUSIC GET ANY BETTER? OMG WHY DOES IT FIT THE SCENE SO WELL?

• Oooh the premise is so fascinating! Kind of feels like I've been transported into this fantasy world of Kings and Queens!

• What! It's over already?

Chapter One Thoughts in a Nutshell:
I’m liking it, but I gotta read more before I can come to any conclusions…

Chapter Two

• OMG OMG THIS MUSIC IS AMAZING!

• WAS THIS MUSIC MADE FOR YOUR STORY?

• Oh snap, they're trying to kill one of the Princes?

Chapter Two Thoughts in a Nutshell:
This plot with the Kings, Princes, and Princess? I was just eating that stuff up! I love political intrigue dramas and especially ones that are heating up!

Chapter Three:

• THE MUSIC.

• Okay, I'll stop drooling over the music now

• I love Petra. Love her.

Chapter Three Thoughts in a Nutshell:

At first, I was like I don't know if I'm going to like this new character she sounds kind of like a 2 dimensional fantasy girl... and then I was like omg I like this new character. As we got more time with Petra through the next few chapters; I was like okay, I love Petra. She’s going to have layers to her personality, and I can see I'm already rooting for her to get back with Zenos.

OVERALL THOUGHTS FOR EVERYTHING:

There weren't a lot of details about the setting and other visual elements but it was fast-paced and fit the style of the narrative. On another note, I was really being sucked into the world, and I liked the names of a lot of the characters. The only thing about the characters, is that there were a lot of names for the first few chapters.

There were sometimes I was getting lost between who was doing what and how? Now, because the genre is Fantasy, a large cast of characters is pretty much standard, so I know it can't really be helped. But I would say to help readers like me from getting lost between all the titles and long names is to just slowly introduce new characters, or introduce only characters vital to the plot. Whatever you decide, its completely up to you!

Another thing, I would say is that there were some apparent grammatical errors and typos throughout. But, I'm sure with another quick edit you can remedy them.

As for the world building though, it was just interesting! I could see the difference between some of the cultures depending on the countries. When Petra was added, I could really see how each area was different and had their own customs. But also with that, there were a lot of terms and certain things in the story I didn't know because the world-building was deep.

For example, in chapter 3 I think, Petra was finding an outfit to wear for the funeral and at some point in the chapter she mentions about something a Garlean dress. I thought maybe I missed something, because there was no additional detail about the dress so I had no idea what dress I was supposed to be picturing while I read. Same thing for the titles, like Commandante. I felt the people with those titles, should be important, but I just didn't have enough information about it to decide how I supposed to feel. I think this is probably a simple fix, by just using 3rd person omniscient to its full extent. That could mean, describing more about important objects and why they're important, or whatever you feel works.

So, final thoughts? I subscribed because I'm interested to read more! I think your story is good, and it has a lot of potential!

[Ruthful]

The summary of Blood Cross has my interest PIQUED. I absolutely love the concept of a vampire and a nun having adventures in the Wild West

If you still have time, I'd love to exchange some feedback! Would you like me to PM you or post it here?

The Ardent Dead | Tapas

[Ruthful]

My story also has exactly six chapters haha

[bulletcrucifixion]

First of all ! Thank you so much for all your comments! You truly made my day ! It means so much to me. Also thank you for this very detailed feedback. This is the first one I get, that into the details tbh.

I will proofread myself better yes, thank you very much for telling me. I need this kind of feedback, something eyes are too tired to see the mistake.

I totally see what you mean about more detailed description and world building. Before Tapas, my audience was people who played Final Fantasy XIV so they knew all these things already. I reposted my story without adaptation to an audience unfamiliar to Final Fantasy XIV, and that was a mistake I have made. Thank you for pointing out this cause that's a very important point and something I have to work on. I'm glad despite all of this you still subbed !

So thank you so much !!! <3 Your feedback and comments not only brought me joy and have been very instructive !

[milejdyvan]

I'm up for a feedback for feedback exchange ^^ though I'm only available from Monday. I'll have to wait until then to do it if you are okay with that

Individuality | Tapas

[cherrystark]

I'm game. I'm interested in feedback on the characters as a whole and their progression through the series.

The Museum | Tapas

[Ruthful]

I've just finished! Oh my goodness this story!!

First Impressions:

• As soon as I played the music for the first chapter, I knew I was in for a good time!

• The stand-off between Nina and the vampire was a fantastic hook. Nina has a very strong voice, and I really got a sense of her personality, her values/faith, and her disdain for this “vampire filth”!

• I love love love the Western setting. The dry and dusty desert, surrounded by the canyons that “menacingly imposed” upon them emphasized the desolate, dangerous expanse of the wilderness that they’re in.

• Your descriptions in the vampire hunting scenes are visceral and delightfully gory without reveling in the yuckiness, which I appreciate!

• Vampires being paralleled with rattlesnakes in the old west is just…chef’s kiss perfect

Overall:

I had such a fun time reading this! The story is set in a bloody, dusty, dangerous world, and while our two mains have a tough exterior to stand up to it, you can definitely tell that there is something more tender beneath it. I’m attached to them already, and the two have a fantastic dynamic and chemistry! Their conversation in chapter three was probably my favorite part.

Zayne is especially fun! As they might say in the Old West, he seems like a real flannel mouth (smooth talker). I have to admit, I laughed when he waved at Nina with that vampire’s arm. Also, and maybe I just have a weakness for white-haired characters, but him pouting around his cigarette, calling her “partner/ma’am” and talking about how he’s the “social” one who “gets them all the discounts” was just really darn cute to me!

I did notice a couple of very minor hiccups! In chapter two there is a typo where Zayne’s hair is described as “the whites of his hair”, which I think should be worded without the plural.

In chapter six, Sister Quinn says “Pop quiz!” which somehow feels like a contemporary term to me and took me out of the story a little bit. I couldn’t seem to find any information regarding when people started using the phrase, so it might very well be just my own association!

Overall, I am so pumped to read the next chapter!! I can tell we’re in for a romp. I’m really looking forward to reading more interactions between Nina and Zayne, and follow how their relationship develops. Zayne is charming, Nina has some walls to break down...I think we’re in for a good time. I’m rootin’ for ‘em!

[NotBeatrix]

Of course! And, ahh, I didn't realize you had influences from Final Fantasy XIV! I like that game series, I'm tying to get into Video Game Lore and Fantasy of it so I think that's interesting your story has influences from it!

[NotBeatrix]

Thank you!! Wow, that means a lot to hear! And, hehe, I'm glad you liked Zayne! As for the other comments, thank you for pointing that out! I'll be sure to fix it and watch out for any other errors!

With Sister Quinn's Pop Quiz, yeah, you're totally right, I'm sorry that you out the story! I was searching for the etymology of the word and looking for other words, but I just couldn't seem to find a word similar enough that would be good. But, that website you sent me with the Old Western Slang and terms? I don't have enough exclamations marks to say wow, its so extremely helpful!! I already found a few words I can replace to make the story read better.

So, anyways with that being said, I'll getting started on yours soon!

[Ruthful]

Oh man, I love going down rabbit holes about etymology, it's so much fun! I was trying to think of an alternative but it is tough. Depending on the year the story takes place, it might be technically correct anyways! It led me to read an interesting article about the word "quiz" so I've had an educational afternoon

Those Old West slangs are a HOOT. I'm so glad you enjoyed it! My favs so far are "madder than an old wet hen" and "rag proper" (to dress well). Amazing🤠

[mcmx]

This sounds really great and feedback on my novel has been really helpful before!
I will read your novel when I have some free time tomorrow. Also this list is quite big so if you can't get to it I understand
Heres my fantasy novel:

Guilty Fate | Tapas

[Johnny]

This is a great opportunity for me to grow! Here's my novel. It's post-apocalyptic and I'll definitely give your book a review when I can!

The Cataclysm | Tapas

[TheOddFungi]

So I read the chapters you have up and I have to say, I am thoroughly invested. I grew up watching Westerns and being a Texan I relate a lot to this type of story. I'm really interested in seeing how things progress ^_^

That said I do think you may have to mark some of the more intense chapters as "mature" and I suggest adding trigger warnings in the actual chapters for blood and violence as your writing is pretty graphic, which I don't mind, but you don't want Tapas striking your content or a reader getting triggered by certain things they weren't prepared to read. I know you have it in your description, but it's always good to add it to your chapters as well as that seems to be the norm here on Tapas.

The only other thing that stood out to me as needing a bit of revision was in Chapter 1. You wrote how her rifle felt like ice. Since they are in the middle of a desert and it is obviously quite hot as you had described, her rifle would actually be pretty hot to the touch as it's mostly made of metal. It would actually probably sear her skin as has happened to me before. Not sure if you're experienced with heat like that, but since I literally live on the edge of a desert and have shot rifles I can personally attest to that.

That was the only thing that "bothered" me and overall I really like what you have going ^_^

Anyway, here is my novel! I appreciate any feedback!

Red Dragon Part 1: Broken | Tapas

[foxnflames]

I would like the opportunity and would love to read and give feedback as well. I can do it anywhere between tomorrow and Sunday 🧐 (more than likely sooner). I will like and leave comments then give a little breakdown here

Give In to Me | Tapas

[NotBeatrix]

Okay! So, I've just finished reading the first 6 chapters of your book! So, here are some of my thoughts as I was reading!

Chapter One:

• I love this atmosphere you're creating!!! So ominous and spooky!

• OMG this is so dark and spooky.... I'm so here for it.

Chapter One Thoughts in a Nutshell:
The details are just stellar! The atmosphere is just, stellar! Everything right now, is just stellar! And, I'm only on the first chapter!

Chapter Two

• My gawd these details make the entire scene riveting! I LOVE IT.

• What is this thing hunting this poor man? It's so creepy!! I stan this spooky paranormal stuff.

Chapter Two Thoughts in a Nutshell:
I'm loving these details! So visceral! And, boy... I love, love how you ended the chapter!

Chapter Three:

• Again, so detailed

• This atmosphere of the story IS SO ON POINT

• Ooh, okay so the plot is piecing together, Tristan is a ghost, maybe??

Chapter Three Thoughts in a Nutshell:
Love it. I'm still pondering and thinking what it all means... It's snowing now, and people killing their father? I want to know what this all means!

OVERALL THOUGHTS FOR EVERYTHING:

Okay. Wowza. This is beautifully written and full of so many lovely details. I fell in love with the atmosphere, and spooky paranormal world. I was only 6 chapters in and I loved everything! I'm excited to read more about Tristan and Morgan (I've got a soft spot for white hair as you can probably tell...).

I think you really perfected the spookiness that you might see from a Gothic horror novel. Including that, I actually felt a little bit of Hamlet vibes from your story. And, I felt tied to my reading as I was trying to learn more about that thing or Wraith that kept on following Tristan. I was questioning everything... from the snowing imagery to wondering why Tristan killed his father.

With that being said, I think the biggest thing that stuck out to me, was the fact that the setting was mysterious and mystical it was really easy to get lost in the swamp of beautiful details. As I was reading, I noticed the details were fantastic, but a bit too metaphorical that it made it just a bit vague.

For example, in chapter 1, when we're reading about the dead king coming back to life, at first I was confused on who was coming back. I couldn't really tell if it was Tristan, and I couldn't really piece the context clues on where is he raising from. I know the chapter said that 'dead kings rise from their grave' but, I didn't read any details about the King crawling out from his grave, it just hops into the next setting where he's young again. I'd assumed he went back through time, but couldn't tell for certain until I got around chapter 5-6.

What I'm trying to say is, you describe the scenes so effectively and really lyrical, but I think sometimes it was so 'mystical flowery' that I didn't really have any clarity. However, I think that's what you were going for---- the confusion of being raised from death so I'm not really criticizing that, because I think you pulled that off effectively. I felt the same whirling tornado of confusion Tristan was going through after being risen from the dead. But, then as a reader I got lost in that tornado sometimes. I never really got grounded or stabilized into one location in the story and that gave me some confusion. I couldn't really picture where we were, even though I reading some beautiful details. I wasn't sure if we were in purgatory? Or if Tristan went back his castle? How he got back to his castle? Is he a ghost? Is he corpse? Or is our narrator the literary 'unreliable narrator', and the world we see around Tristan is nothing but an illusion and false sense of reality?

This isn't really entirely bad what I'm pointing out, because I feel like that's how we're supposed to feel as readers. But, I think what we should feel and see as readers are two different things. So, I think is a simple fix, if instead of letting readers get too lost, throw us out a hook and line and stabilize before the next transition. I think you can ground readers by just sometimes giving a nugget of clarity before the next thought changes that. For example, just before Morgan is introduced, Tristan is wandering around the halls of I think his castle, and before readers are explained what's happening once more, bam; I think people are seeing Tristan and then suddenly Morgan's introduced and were swooped into this scene where Morgan is injured. Perhaps just a little before that describe how sometimes when he passes a mirror or sees his reflection he is also confused if he just alive again or living in memories. Ground us readers in his reality for a just moment, before the spooky swoops us away, if that makes sense.

So, final thoughts? I hope I'm not coming off as mean. I think your work is STELLAR. And I'm not using all caps lightly. It was a beautiful rollercoaster, and I'm about to hit that subscribe button like it's hot because I'm SOLD.

[NotBeatrix]

Thank you for those warm words! Also, I appreciate you pointing out those things! I didn't recognize the writing seemed intense because I have such a low tolerance for these things lol. Could you tell me which chapters you would say are more intense and graphic? I certainly don't want to get triggered by Tapas, but I wasn't sure would be considered as graphic for their guidelines, so if you could let me know which stuck out to you as more intense or graphic, that would be great! I want to make sure I write at the top of the chapters with a trigger warnings.

As for your story, I'm getting started on it soon! I've just been trying to catch up with all of the responses from earlier so its taking me a little second!

[cherrystark]

@Ruthful I read over a couple chapters of your story. I think you do a nice job with your prose, especially with your first chapter. However, as I read on, I felt a disconnect as I continued to read. I wasn't sure how the dead king connected to Tristan and his adventure.