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Oct 2020

Q: Why was the math book depressed?

A: It was full of problems.

Ba-dum-tssssss!

I'll see myself out.

My elementary school was right next to a cemetery: when my dad would take me to school or pick me up, he always said the same thing.

Why is the cemetery so big?

:skull:People are just dying to get in. :skull: :coffin:
Ba-dum tsss

Q: Why do mermaids wear sea-shells?

A: Because B-shells are too small and D-shells are too big.

worst dad joke achievement unlocked :trophy:

Two peanuts were walking down a street. One was a salted.

Im a Dad so I can give you my best one.

I went to a zoo the other day and all they had there was a dog.

...It was a shih tzu.

Not from my dad, but I want to write this one:

What colour are windows?
Blue, because it always crash.

Explanation:

BSOD

My Dad would have been 70 today. :slight_smile:

His favorite joke of all time, I think, the one that made him laugh the loudest, was this one:

voice on phone "911, do you need fire, police or ambulance."
Merl: "I-I needa ambulance! I done shot my friend inna leg while we's out huntin' an' I think he's dead!"
voice on phone "Alright, look sir, don't panic, okay? What's your name?"
Merl: "I go by Merl!"
voice on phone "Okay, and your friend's name?"
Merl: "He goes by Pete..."
voice on phone "Good. Alright Merl, first thing we need to do is make sure Pete's really dead..."
Merl: "Hang on a tick..."

gunshot

Merl: "K, now whut?"

:smiley: :smiley: ::smiley:

Didn't matter where we were, we would bust up laughing...

Happy B-day, Dad... :heart:

Q: How come the little kid couldn't get into the movie theater to see the pirate movie?

A: It was rated Arrrr!

I probably heard these at least one time a week growing up.

Me: "Hey dad!"
Dad: "Hay is for horses. And ewe is a sheep."

Me: "Well..."
Dad: "Now that's a deep subject"

Always hold your head up high.
Never look towards da feet.

A pun walks into a room and kills a bunch of people.

Pun in, ten dead.

Why does a certain R&B singer smile when the moon comes up?
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Because she's Gladys Knight.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he went to go get milk?

Bison.

Heres a morbid one:

"Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?"
...
"He was dead."

There are things wrong with me.

What did Satan's girlfriend say after she broke up with him?
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"666, that's all he ever thinks about!"

Not sure if this counts as joke at all and I'm kind of embarrassed that I thought of it (or perhaps someone else did, I wouldn't be surprised xD) but...

I was looking at the threads here and saw one titled "Elevator Pitch" and thought, "Why would anyone play baseball in an elevator?"

I'll go bury myself in the backyard now xD

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean? Bob.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall? Art.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs overlooking the ocean? Cliff.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting in a hot dog bun? Frank.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting in a bathroom? John.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs standing up on stage? Mike.
What do you call two men with no arms and no legs holding up drapes? Kurt and Rod.
What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs in the month of December? Carol.

Hey @kitschensyngk, what do you call a blind deer with no eyes?

Summary

You've got no-eyed deer.

What do you call a blind deer with no eyes and no legs?

Summary

Still no-eyed deer

My best dad joke is also the most surreal.

We were having Christmas dinner together and were all disappointed by how corny the cracker jokes were, so he decided to start improv creating his own answers to the jokes! I can't remember them all but the one that stuck with me was:

Question: What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun?

(Dad) Answer: Happy!

Well, it made us laugh at the time! :joy:

Danny
Adrenaline Shots Comics
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