3 / 6
Dec 2018

AKA Doki Whines that No one Agrees with Her, Part III

...Seriously, though, I think it's more like, with each one of these topics, I'm getting closer to the ACTUAL root of my confusion.
This is kind of therapeutic for me...in every group, even on the internet, I'm always the odd one out, somehow. But now I actually get to ask why! =D

So I think I've figured it out. It's like...in a community of mostly subsistence farmers, I'm just growing a rose garden.

We're all into agriculture...and we all want big, healthy, beautiful plants. But the reasoning is different. The people growing plants to survive on might see some of my ideas as frivolous or ignorant, and I might see theirs as overdramatic and myopic. That is, until we understand that we're all growing different kinds of gardens.

...Frick, I love metaphors~. But in plain English, I'm just not doing art to live.
Sure, I have motivations; strong ones. I want to grow my audience and create the most amazing things I can. But I'm mainly in this for "the thrill of the hunt"; for the simple satisfaction of achieving something great. I love the challenge, but I don't want my life to depend on it. If it did, I think I'd be dead. ^^

On the other hand, those who do want to make a living out of what they do have to think about things much more seriously. They not only have to do the best they can for themselves, but also help shape the culture around their work so that it's actually conducive to survival, and stays that way.

Personally, I think I have more fun growing my roses. ^^ But when I want to buy a carrot or an apple, I'm grateful that the people who cultivate them are still around.

  • created

    Dec '18
  • last reply

    Dec '18
  • 5

    replies

  • 748

    views

  • 5

    users

  • 18

    likes

I do what I do for the benefit of others I want to make someone else day better. Its the beginning and end of my ambition anything else is just extra. I'm on disability and unlikely to ever recover. Making other people happy is the only thing that really matters anymore. its the only thing of substance I can do. It won't change all the things I went through it won't make all the suffering and pain worth it. But that peace of knowing I made someone else laugh or made their day brighter? that would make it all worthwhile. I know what it is to be miserable to be totally crushingly alone and anything I can do to help someone else escape that pain just for a bit? worth it every time.

I know what its like feeling totally worthless I cant stop other people from feeling that way. But I can do this. I hope.

“So I be written in the Book of Love. I do not care about that Book Above. Erase my name, or write it as you will. So I be written in the Book of Love.”

― Omar Khayyam

I always wanted to write and create for a living, though now I do other things. To some extent I'm always trying to grow that garden, but not as actively as I could be.
However, what I really am trying to achieve is to write stories that I enjoy, in hopes that other people will share that joy with me. That has been my philosophy in writing for a long time, and it's never steered me wrong.
Though, I do really hope that one day i can get a publishing deal. Younger me would be so proud if I could.

Not long ago I read an inspirational book called Big Magic, by Elizabeth Gilbert. In it, she says that one of the fastest ways to chase creativity away is to put the pressure of paying bills upon it. Stress robs us of creativity, and when we put so much pressure upon it to make a livelihood out of what we love, then it starts to become less fun and more of a chore.

Although it would be great to make a living out of my writing, I know I don't enjoy writing under pressure. So I go at it at a leisurely pace. I write when I feel like it, take breaks when I'm stuck, and generally do what I can to advance myself forward in the writing field with gentle momentum. The result has been I'm much happier because I'm not stressing about readers, reviews, and sales. If I have some, excellent! If not, that's okay. I've got my day job. I think it's a perfectly reasonable approach to artistic endeavors.

I have a job that pays all my bills quite nicely, so I don't do art for any reason other than I want to. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that as far as I'm concerned! I don't think I quite understand why people who do art for a living would have a problem with someone just being a hobbyist, to be honest.

This makes a lot of sense. THere have been times where I've tried to make money creatively. It always ends badly.