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redsblueyoungster
Mar '17
1

So over the years my mind has exploded with story ideas that seem really interesting to explore, but just not enough time or too busy to work on. I sort of want a secondary project to work on, but I don't know what. So what I want is some feedback on whether or not these summaries of some ideas actually are interesting or it's just me.

N.I.R.R.A. [Genre: Action, Adventure, Fantasy, Drama]:
Five girls adventure together around the world of Illandore. Their names: NoNa, Izuki, Roques Keminas, Renaise Fran, and Aria.
Four have faced overwhelming tragedy within their past.
Three are burdened with the pain of their sins.
Two are mere shadows of another.
Will the one manage to save the others? Or will they all fall to their collective past?

Expe No. [Genre: Mystery, Drama, Science Fiction]:
Expe No. wakes up in a small sterile white room. She always wakes up in a sterile white room. She doesn't know why or how. She doesn't even remember anything outside of this room. All she really knows is the room is where she starts her day and where she is safe...That is, until she found herself standing over her own body bleeding on the ground.

The Ghost, the Witch, and the Kid [Genre: Fantasy, Action, Drama]:
James Ulmbren just goes on his daily routine of waking up, go to work, come back from work, and sleep. He likes this simple life. It seems though that life doesn't like him as he wakes up to find that no one knows who he is. Not only that, but he seems to fade in and out of existence, unable to touch living beings. He now helps Kelly Ashlan, a witch who is on the run and can't control her powers, with Simon Cadwell, a seemingly ordinary boy who can see him even when phased out of existance, in hopes that her connections with the magical world will help him return to normal and restore his life.

These ideas are the ones that I have fleshed out the most in terms of an outline in my head. Feel free to ask for more details if you want them. Answering your questions will help me to think of ways to flesh them out more.

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    Mar '17

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    Mar '17
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revisionstudios
Mar '17

The last two piqued my curiosity, but the first one really needs something concrete in the summary. What is it actually about? It's fine to have character themes but what are they doing? What are they adventuring for? I'd also much rather find out about things like "tragic pasts" or whatever in the story rather than reading it as a summary--it kinda spoils the discovery of that character and makes me think, "oh boy another angsty person with baggage trying to pass as character depth." Reading vague ideas meant to incite drama are kind of a turn off for me I guess?

I also think many of their names are needlessly complicated or trying too hard to be unique. It might not be as odd as long as you have their ethnicity match their name.

The 2nd one did intrigue me, but I'd like to know more about it before I can give advice on if you should start it or not. Where does the story go from there?

Mocha
Mar '17

As revisionstudios said, the first one is too vague with no concrete information to work off of. The lack of details in the description makes it seem generic and not too interesting. I think the names of the characters are okay, but you might want to consider changing the spelling of their names to make them more pronounceable/readable. You might also consider adding some kind of sentence in there that actually explains who these people are, all we know from this synopsis is their names.

The second two are definitely stronger in terms of a basic story line. They're simple, but interesting and short enough that someone could easily read it and get interested in reading the whole story.

redsblueyoungster
Mar '17

Retry on N.I.R.R.A. summary:
No Na, the cheerful fighter, Izuki, the scarred ninja, Roques, the shocking rogue, Renaise, the gunslinger archer, and Aria, the shining healer. These five girls band together to escort the young princess Eliza back to her homeland. Their journey is not only barred by assassins and monsters, but also the darkness in their past.

I found this a bit difficult to write since I almost constantly want to mention something about their pasts.

neonmeres
Mar '17
redsblueyoungster

The third one is the most interesting one because you give a bit more details about the event taking place in the story.
Just don't forget to keep some things mysterious. For exemple i think you could have have not mentioned the fact that the witch is being on the run or that there exist a magical word. The summary would have remained interesting and readers will have had the suprise of discovering these other things themselves. I think the idea that the your main character is unable to come in physical contact whith things around him at some point in his life and this leads him to consult a witch to help him are enough to generest a strong interest in your project.

redsblueyoungster
Mar '17
revisionstudios

She is frightened by the sight at first. When she calms down she checks on her look and finds that the person is still alive. Expe searches the room until she finds ointment cream, or something that looks like it. She knows it's more than that, but she doesn't know why. She applies it to her look alike's wound and it heals almost instantaneously. Expe waits for the look alike to wake-up until a robot comes out of a wall and tries to take the look alike away. She rescues the look alike from being tossed into an incinerator, carries her out of the room, and ends up in what looks to be an obstacle room.

That's probably going to be the first 10 pages or so. Tell me if you want to know more.