I would love to get a review if you don't mind! Hope I'm in time!
Genre: BL, LGBTQ+, Comedy
Hopeless romantic Yu Junming is over the moon when he lands a job at the RomCon startup helping clients to orchestrate their love stories in real life.
When he falls in love with both his boss, Grayson Black - a die-hard cynic, and a spunky undercover reporter, Fernanda who's on a mission to dig up dirt on RomCon, Junming has to pick a side. Preferably, the side which guarantees a job.
Alright, so here we go!
What I like: your dialogue is pretty natural, and you have a good give and take dynamic with Josh and Jacq without either of them getting too wordy! Your first scene does a nice job of weaving in backstory (their time in the barracks) without it being shoehorned in. I like the addition of having one of the characters be a father-figure, it really humanizes someone who could be less charismatic than your spy character (since he's the more bureaucratic one). I also like the trinkets from earlier in their lives that we need to wait to learn more about (Terr and the pin).
Where I think you could improve: I was missing description! You have all this great dialogue but without any description of the setting (what does the room in the beginning look like? Is it small? Dim? Cramped?) I couldn't get a sense of where we were. It also makes the pacing feel a little too quick if you don't give background and description so the reader gets a chance to breathe. Be a little more generous with those adjectives. One other nitpicky thing: try not to 'write in' things like laughter "haha" -- that's more comic-book-y. Stick to saying something like: "She swallowed down a laugh. 'Yeah, right." It's more powerful than a 'haha' if you show the reader what the laugh looks or sounds like.
Great outline, good work getting a lot of this lore nailed down, and don't be afraid to take advantage of your third person perspective to explain the setting/lore a little more in the scene. I like your premise!
I'm down, it's really hard to find other BL creators. I'm new to the genre myself and I was pretty surprised with the amount of heat a lot of it gets. I've dealt with a solid amount of bigotry on other social media platforms and it really made me feel isolated writing this kind of content.
I'm a fan of mature and sort of gritty themes usually, and I enjoy clever humor. My intention is to write something with a very 'action/supernatural' sort of feel, with fighting and thrills, that has complicated relationships who so happen to be gay (though not all are).
I also am down for reading and connecting with other creators here. Just having that mutual support would be nice.
Anyhow I'm rambling, here's my piece, called Silence. I can always appreciate critique, it makes the world turn:
Oh, thank you :3 I'm happy to know I did good choices. I was worried my pacing was not the best, but I'm relieved hahaha
Oh, yeah, I had people tell me about the bubbles and the font before, but I feel like I'm too long into the comic to change at least the bubbles, without losing consistancy you know? and it's not a easy job to go back and change all of the pages xD The font I can always go back and change easily, and I'm thinking about it, it can be done, I may look for new fonts in the near future. And about typos, yeaaah............. I work on ipad, so auto corrector always fuck things up changing things and I sometimes miss it, thanks for letting me know, I'll go back and take a look at it. And yeah, english is not my 1st language hahaha so sometimes it's hard to translate some things. A beta reader would help me a lot indeed, I'll think about looking for one in the collab tabs.
Thanks again It was helpful and great to know what I did good and not-so-good.
And about chating, you can always send me a dm, I talk a lot xD but I'm shy enough to not send dm to people cuz I feel like i'm bothering
But if you want to talk about creating stuff or anything at all, you're more than welcome!
Okay, I have read all (but @Spectorium_1 because he edited out his part), and I have to say this for all of you
-Please, describe the place where your characters are! The time! The era! The clothes, hair, looks, etc!.
-@ivanskilling and @AKG you both started with conversations and a situation happening. @ivanskilling has more points though, because the happening at the beginning was not real, it was a video that the character was watching and that gave the vibe of what everything else was going to be without having to describe it, -but for some people it may take too long. By I.2 I had some problems, as I had no idea of the characteristic of the character, where he is (in the world, city), what clothes does he uses. He seemed a bit flustered to have landed in this job, even when it was his dream, what I found awkward. Definetely it has a lot of points to add drawings to accompany the story, but a final warning. Don't decide things for the readers as 'the CEO and CTO are both very handsome' -that statement depends on the viewer. I for example, found that the CEO had sleepy face, and thought that he has the ideas, not the motivation to do anything. The CTO looked like a con man. He put the ideas in motion, and may steal all the money at the end of the book. And none of them prepared for the picture to be taken. I never thought of them as 'handsomes', and that kind of statement that reveals the inner thoughts of the principal character should be addresed as such, not as a certainty.
-For @AKG, besides the lack of placement of characters, you try to put too much in too litle. In just one chapter, I read something about heros, a gym, a university, a whole family who seems to be in a two floor edifice, and one of them is invencible? Besides that, dad tries an insight on the action of the brothers. Thats too much happenings on the first chapter, where we expect to learn things, but not in such a load. There is a need of breathing. In chapter 2 you take more time to describe your character and his situation, and it feels way better the pacing. If people read after chapter 1, they stay. And about chapter 2! The chemistry about Gabe and August was palpable. THAT's why people stay reading. There was right in there a wall that they both should work on and the motivation for the next chapters. You took your time, you choose the right words, and delivered. It was a bit late, because people should be this compromised on chapter 1, but still delivered =D
-@ccmatta Loved your work, really. I subscribed~
What I can say to you, is that you need to do proper backgrounds, ha! But you must know that. Besides that, change from time to time the close up panels, study a bit of gesture drawing so you can add more action in your drawings. About the pace, its a bit quick for me, as first this character made himself some cuts, and later the other had a panic crisis. It was a thing after another and none of them are solved, but I understand why is that, because all of their problems will be treated during the comic, but I felt that if you start with that emotion so soon, you will always have your audience and your characters in danger mode. It may also had been because I read all in one go (not all, a lot though). In overall is very good at any rate. That's why I subscribed =D
If all or any of you think that I made an underserving critique, plz, don't take it seriously. I am just guy. Follow your instincts, read, learn your craft, and grow. We are all here to have fun at the end of day, so have fun!
Hi hi! Okay, let's get going!
First of all: I know you said the drawings get better, but a lot of the compliments I wanted to give you were about your art! You do a good job implying a lot of movement in the posing/positions of your characters. They're all quite distinct, and I haven't noticed any whacky proportions. I also really love your pastel cover art. Your plot is solid and I like the set up for the conflict with the bullies. Out of curiosity I did look at some of the more recent art and it's stunning!
Things to look out for: Some of the text in the early chapters has some verb tense/conjugation trouble. Not the end of the world, but a good read through by a beta could give it some extra polish. I had a bit of trouble following it sometimes. I also think some of the dialogue is a little long between characters per panel (nothing bonkers, but if I want to be nit picky).
Solid start and with a little beta-ing you have a really strong piece here.
Thank you very much!
As you may have guessed, english is not my first tongue, so here and there will be problems. I can't avoid it u_u
I am still learning about a lot of things, so your insights helps me to understand where I should put my eye! I don't think that I would do a beta testing, though, because I am doing this for fun and to learn about drawing and comic in general, but believe me that I will address as much as I can in every new chapter I make =D
Thanks!
Yayay let's go:
The positives: Very easy to read! Flows well, from scene to scene, and the characters act like actual people instead of walking stereotypes (woo!). You premise is super unique and well-described. I quite like the sweet/grumpy dynamic of our two male leads, and can tell that Kyler is going to be a nice supporting character. I also love the little art-pieces/slides tucked in to each chapter. Brings it to life for the reader!
Where edits may be helpful: there are a few places where you tell rather than show. This isn't necessarily the end of the world, and I'm definitely guilty, but as an easy rule I like to avoid saying how a character is feeling. For instance, "Warmth bloomed in his heart at the sweet gesture of appreciation." I'd maybe go for something like, "Junming's cheeks colored scarlet. Had two of the company's highest ranking executives really done something that sweet for his first day?" That may just be a personal preference, but it can take me out of the narrative a bit.
Congrats on breaking 50 chapters! Excited to watch you keep growing!
Hihihihi! Sorry it took me a couple hours!
Positives: Wow! What an opener! Your art creates a really authentic tension in that first chapter. It's very polished and despite you saying you don't do backgrounds, your first panel has a beautiful one! Both characters already have a bit of chemistry from the outset, so that's a real accomplishment. And the set up is very interesting and draws the reader in with just enough mystery to keep you reqading.
Things to work on: There were a few little moments that I had trouble suspending disbelief for (though they may be explained later or accurate for the culture of the story since it seems like law enforcement/etc is very different there). For example, I was asking myself why Katai didn't run when he saw Benji -- after all he was just being chased, and dude's intimidating! Also, is it normal in this universe for police to shoot so readily? If so, definitely interested in reading more/exploring, but if not, may require further explanation.
Love it so far, awesome job!