Blurb Review Thread

[Awesomeness_Studios]

Also I just realized I should've done Zhengo's review before diestreve's, since it came first. Sorry for missing that.

[Zhengo]

Thanks!! I do tend to write too much sometimes Also it's no problem about the review order

[TedGravesArt]

I am garbage at writing copy, so crits are very welcome! Tear it apart please!

Description
Angel hunters hide among us, fighting a brutal war spanning millennia, and Heaven's final wave is coming. Generals Savina and Nira confront Heaven's hordes and their own inner demons while leading a scrappy army who would rather eat pizza and give their superior crap for accidentally pantsing an angel.
Heaven Hunters is a sci-fi epic tearing through time and parallel universes, reexamining the nature of good and evil, and unraveling the gods' secret history that's deeper and darker than anyone knows.

Heaven Hunters | Tapas

[Awesomeness_Studios]

Alright your current blurb has quite a bit of unnecessary information. Let's go to the basics of your story:

• Angels vs Demons
• Savina and Nira lead an pretty lame army

Generals Savina and Nira are angel hunters. Together, they'll confront Heaven's strongest hordes and their own inner demons while struggling to lead an army who would rather eat pizza all day.

Okay this is a pretty rough draft from me, and it comes from the fact that I really wanna include the part about "unraveling the gods' secret history that's deeper and darker than anyone knows" (it kinda makes me think of my own comic's blurb). I like hinting secrets in blurbs.

So think of that draft as a bit of a comedic variant. If you're aiming for more serious you can do:

Generals Savina and Nira are angel hunters fighting in a brutal war spanning millennia. Together, they'll confront Heaven's strongest hordes and their own inner demons while unraveling the god's secret history that's deeper and darker than anyone knows.

You can even try a mix between the two and see what you like. Just remember to use no more than 3 sentences for your blurb. Don't worry about mentioning the genre of your comic since it's shown on the info page anyway.

[Awesomeness_Studios]

If you'd like I can send you a private message, reviewing your story a bit. I'd rather not clog up the thread here so I think PMs would be best.

[vamvsama]

Ok then, no problem.

[vvodbow]

Perfect timing. I'm in desperate need to upgrade my blurb!
You might have come across it already though, haha

Thank you so much for doing this!

Description
A Master's student picked up a cat blanket on the street.
Unknown to its Master, the blanket is alive and is always ready to offer its service! Secretly… as it cannot reveal its past! (˵Φ ω Φ˵)

Bomeo the Service Cat | Tapas

[TedGravesArt]

Ah you're totally right, that's super helpful! Thank you so much!

[Awesomeness_Studios]

Alright so in your comic there's two main characters: Bomeo and its master. What's kinda awkward about your blurb is that it mentions a "master's student" picking up the blanket. I read your comic and since we don't see that event happening just yet, it gets a bit confusing (heck, the master in question appears to be a student himself). Because of that, I'm assuming that this was a typo and that Bomeo's current master was the one who found it, not someone else.

Another thing, Bomeo refers to its owner as "master," but the reader can tell he's just a regular guy. So, how about adjusting the blurb to fit that case?

A guy picks up a cat blanket on the street one day. Unknown to him, the blanket is alive and always ready to offer its service! But only secretly, as it cannot reveal it's past...

(okay maybe I'm a bit of a fan girl for ending in ellipses but I just think they're neat )

Anyway, instead of "guy," you can use another term to identify him. Looking at episode 2, he kinda appears to be a college student to me, so you can say "A college student picks up a cat blanket" and maybe even add a adjective like "A lonely college student" (he doesn't appear to have anyone else in this comic, so this can be used to emphasize how significant is it that he now has Bomeo in his life).

[vvodbow]

Aaaaaah thank you so muchhhhh! Those are really legit points

Especially about the Master's student portion. It was meant as a pun that Bomeo's Master is a Master's (a.k.a. graduate) student, but we never realized it has a different meaning in this context

Bomeo calling him Master is just Bomeo enjoying role-play while being one-sidedly obsessed (...?) with the dude, haha. Maybe we should remove it altogether, since it's rather confusing now.
(And yes, Master looks so lonely at times It's so cute that he has Bomeo as company)

Also, just curious, but is it confusing to call Bomeo a "cat blanket"?
This has been bugging us for ages, but idk how to else to describe it and just left it as-is in hope that the term + thumbnail/cover together would make sense to new readers.

[GingerLoge]

I think I need this. I mean, I like how my blurb sounds in my head, but in my head it's in my native language. In English, I don't know how to explain things without those long-ass phrases.
In any case, here's the blurb, please help me out with it!

Description:
Grimnir is the only human being in the Plains capable of using magic, but instead of siding with his people against the invasion of the shapeshifters called "the Intruders", he prefers to get drunk and wander in the desert, living as a storyteller.
Is it true what is whispered in the alleys of Gullveig, that Grimnir gained his magic power by making a blood pact with an enemy Intruder? And that, because of this pact, if the Intruder is hurt, Grimnir also bleeds?
As the war between humans and Intruders escalates, Grim will be forced to choose his side once and for all.

Link, if needed

in this darkened land | Tapas

[Awesomeness_Studios]

I mean, I don't know about what other people think, but I always understood it like this: Bomeo is a blanket that can fold up into the shape of a cat, kinda like Comfy Critters

this is Bomeo

[Awesomeness_Studios]

Alright I quite like this blurb already. While it is longer than I would usually recommend, I feel like every sentence is still important to explaining the plot. It didn't feel that long when I read it.
That being said I think some things can be cut to prune it down a bit and make it easier to read in English:

Grimnir is the only human in the Plains capable of using magic, but instead of siding with his people against the shapeshifters known as "the Intruders," he prefers the get drunk and wander the desert as a storyteller. Could the rumors be true that he gained his magic by making a blood pack with an Intruder? As the war between the two groups escalates, Grim will be forced to choose his side once and for all.

[GingerLoge]

Whoa thanks a lot! Now it's more linear!

[Random_Guy]

Oh, sure! I know I can be a little long-winded, maybe you can see if my blurb needs a little help.

-Description-
Synthetic Human and Private Detective DN-144, Diana, investigates a high-profile case of murder that thrusts her into the upper echelon of society.
With an innocent man about to be punished, the down-to-earth detective must navigate the life of high society, and avoid getting offed herself as she tries to solve the death of the wealthy and influential Atticus Chambers.

-Link-

Jokers Wild | Tapas

[Lahin]

The value in our encounters, the ones around us and the foundation for our dreams.

"They say humans change as they meet new people. Isn't that almost like resonance?"

Matsumoto Isamu, a high school junior, is obsessed with his ambition to be remembered. To become someone great or doing something of significant impact. With strengths that he can't use properly and weaknesses that bind him, he lives his life constantly in doubt. He has also been troubled due to a mysterious silhouette appearing in the park near his home at times.

What will happen when he unravels the silhouette's identity?

Told mostly through dialogue and comedy, this is a story of a group of individuals, each on their own journey, and how much they influence each other without realizing it.

Do humans really resonate? Or is it just fiction?

Link:

Jinsei: Resonate | Tapas

[DualDragons]

Sure why not?

Blurb:

After many years of serving duty, the legendary mercenary Daemon LaCondore gave in to his inner fury. He rampaged, leaving only his sons Andrew and Jason behind to survive.

Now determined to save their father from his own darkness, Andrew LaCondore splits up from his brother in a epic quest to find Daemon. But will Andrew succeed before the darkness takes control of him as well?

Rise of the Heroes | Tapas

[Awesomeness_Studios]

Hmm yeah an issue here with your blurb is it's word choice. There's a bit too many complex descriptive words, making it a little tough to understand on the first read. Let's fix that up:

Synthetic human and private detective DN-144, also known as Diana, investigates a high-profile murder case that thrusts her into the upper classes of society.

With an innocent man about to be punished, the down-to-earth detective must navigate high life and even avoid getting herself killed as she tries to solve the death of the wealthy and influential Atticus Chambers

I changed "high society" in the second paragraph to "high life" just to avoid saying "society" twice, but you can use any other synonyms. Just try to keep your words easy to understand so that the typical reader isn't scared away.

[Random_Guy]

Thank you! I do tend to use a lot of complex words and I talk a little too much, I thought I had cut it down, apparently not enough.

[Awesomeness_Studios]

An issue I see among a handful of blurbs on Tapas is adding sentences that don't exactly tell the story but rather try to make a "vibe," if that makes sense. It may seem cool at first (and trust me your sentences do sound really lovely), but that means more work for readers to find out what your story is actually about. You don't wanna do that cuz you risk losing their interest in actually reading the story. Go straight to the point and remove all the extra sentences.

Additionally, it doesn't hurt to keep the actual description pretty short too:

Matsumoto Isamu is obsessed with being remembered; to become someone great or do something significant. He is also troubled by a mysterious silhouette appearing in the park near his home. What will happen when he unravels its identity?

You essentially get the same idea, just less sentences. Feel free ofc to add or remove stuff if you feel like anything super important is missing in the edit.