May 2018
7 / 149
May 2018
Aug 2020
Daknight
May '18
TheFalseVyper

You seem to understimate that I had already read yours when I found it in a promotion thread xP I was hooked and read it in one setting without noticing I read everything! Thanks for your amazing review and all your points are indeed valid. I am working on different angles and more dynamic look in my future chapters as to not always have the same angle as you mention. I didn't think of using word, but I think I will now for grammar and better flow of text :smiley:

Working on the paneling, time was short on the bus one cause I wanted to have three more panels on the photo drop (Rac slip, he trying to catch the photo, everyone looking to the floor and then the photo reveal...time beat me though xP). But I do get the panel is important and the flow of them, so slowly trying to have better transition and give a clearly picture. But enough about mine, time for the review!

-Art-

You art is really amazing and is what caught my eye to check it out. Really clean line art and colors fit the overall feel of the story, the rather dark overtone is perfect on the prologue and first chapter where hope is all but gone. I know the prologue and the first chapter is mostly setting and is pretty much all bleak (the witch kidnap, viper going to help, fight breaks out). So not sure if color overtone change when normal town with a bit brighter feel to difference for when in despair, but I would do that to give it different contrast is all.

Writing

I like that you don't over impose with a lot of text, you use enough to give us the correct information without hitting us in the head with exposition over the top. Great font use as is easy to read and fit the overall feel of the story. Really like the sound effect having their own font and place in a way that help the panel instead of being there for the sake of having it. I would use the three dots (...) method a bit more. For example in page 24 there are two line that do connect, adding the three dots at the end to give a bit of feel of a 'stop' or 'hesitation' when speaking before he/she continues the sentence. Otherwise, great writing and is really easy to follow.

-Paneling-

This is where it gets a bit tricky, you have a one page format which is great, but is done in the traditional style of manga/comic. As in panels to the side and with a page restriction of that style. I am not sure if you publish in traditional way and that is the reason but I think you could really take advantage of the webcomic format more. One big example is page three, if you use the webcomic format of panel going downward, the reveal of her true evil face of pleasure for being able to go in a killing rampage would had been more impact and a bigger surprise as people would scroll down, first seeing her confidence arrival, then her 'goofy' side of 'we didn't burn' and the keep scrolling still not seeing that 'face' till a bit more scrolling and then when they reach it they might go 'Well damn, didn't see that coming!'.

This is of course just my two cent on panels for webcomic format, if publishing is main goal then manga/comic style is indeed the prefer method as webcomic format is not ideal for traditional publishing xP

-Story-

Really like how you did the set up, you clearly estabilish the villian without any doubt, the internal turmoil of the main character and the overall lore/setting in one well done first chapter. Antagonist where place as well as help and Viper's personality. This without over exposure and all in a natural way. I am looking foward to how the continue continues to develop as time goes on, but fear not that you have a loyal reader here! :smiley:

Hope this review helps and really thank you for taking your time on mine!

Daknight
May '18

Doing a review for @lynestjules and her comic: https://tapas.io/series/Megami-Shiizun4

-Art-

I like the evolution of your art from chapter 1 to chapter 3. Expression became more varied and the eyes became better (there use to be to much white space and the eye where to small). I believe you should use the eyebrows more for expression, when screaming the eyebrows either become 'flat' or more vertical line (think / ) cause of the face changing with the scream. You tend to keep them arc most of the time and eyebrows are a great tool for expression (along side eyes) so try using them more in various ways.

I like your subtle change of color to warmer ones, it fits nicely with your story. As for line art I would try making them a bit more thick to give them a bit more weight, specially in close up shots of the face.

Like I mention your art gives me a disney princess like vibe and I think it fits the story well!

-Writing-

I think you try to space out more the speech bubbles and organize them more, it can be tricky following which one I need to read next in some of them and maybe try to have less speech in some of them as to move the dialogue a bit easier and faster.

I'll use Chapter 2 Page 18 as an example. You got a zigzag like speech bubble movement, but one of the bubbles break as is not sure which goes first and then the other. It makes reader have to do a big of mental gymnastic and breaks the flow of text.

-Paneling-

I see you like to use panels within panels quite a few times. But I think that should be use to highlight something in the panel and not that often. Spacing out the panels help the reader follow the story and art easier, giving is a webcomic format vertical should be priority on paneling. It space them out more, allow you to work better on your speech bubble and text and gives breathing room to the art and reader (to many close panels can give a feeling of everything being cramp). I do like the amount of panels use and the one page update, but I do belive they can be space better.

Webtoon actually release a really good guide on this that gives many helpful tips, suggest to check it out!

-Story-

I like the setting you planted about the mysterious winter and the specter. I am still a bit lost on the whole 4 daughters thing and I believe a narrated part of maybe the king explaining this as a backstory or information in a bit more detail would had help as there is to much sudden exposition about them and the guys to be able to keep up with. I did like the introduction of winter's daughter and the red head that I am assuming is a villain xP I still think you can slow down the pace a bit on important elements (such as winter's daughter introduction, the explanation on their birth, etc).

I am liking the lore overall and waiting to see what other powers show up and how the manifest!

Overall keep the work as I am loving your consistency on working on the series since 2016 and the improvement that can be notice :smiley:

lynestjules
May '18

Thanks a lot. It's a very good review with some great cc tips. Always appreciated. It helps me grow.

Art
Thanks for the feedback on my art. Especially about the colouring. I'm going to try to focus more on eyebrows now and working on the poses and whatnot. I try to challenge myself on every chapter to get better.

Writing
I'm going to try to slow down things a little in this upcoming chapter as there's going to be a lot of things happening that will hopefully tie things together that seem a little scattered at the moment, but it was planned to be that way. Also going to work on those bubbles, I've noticed the problem with the speech bubbles as well, when I read my hard copies over last weekend. I completely understand why it needs to be fixed.

Paneling
I get it. I'll try to minimize the inside paneling. As for spacing, I know on Tapas and Webtoons it's on the web, but it's actually a hard copy comic book and the pages are print ready. But, I'll still check out that tip on Webtoons.

Story

I know there's a lot of backstory missing, but it's not for now. The births of the girls is a very important factor and a very complicated one. There's planned moments where those missing pieces will be explained. But, it's out of place to tell them at this particular moment. Chapter 4 will definitely be slowed down quite a bit, because there's going far too much information to pay attention to.
Hopefully the delivery won't disappoint. And I got myself a proofer to go over my spelling. I'm francophone and even if I'm bilingual, sometimes I make mistakes.

TheFalseVyper
May '18
Daknight

Thank you so much for the advice!

I see where you're coming from with adding more ellipsis, especially with page 24 you mentioned.

As for paneling, I do want to have a hard copy of my comic one day, so I stuck with the single page format, but believe me, I do feel the draw backs. There are a ton of things I could have done with the webcomic format such as the one you mentioned with page 3. That would have been so cool! And I will, unfortunately, never have the chance to appear in a Daily Snack as those are usually reserved for comics with the typical down scrolling format.

It made me so happy to see that you're already a reader, that really brought a smile to my face :slight_smile:

ChitaIn the making of Bunneh The Rabbit
May '18

I’m a newbie at giving critiques, but I’ll try my best!

ART
Your art has improved so much since the first chapters! The shaky lineart has transformed into smooth confident lines, also the way looks better since there is a wide variety of color using also some desaturated tones, you have taken a good grasp of light and shadows, you shading fits with the source of light rather than just darkening the same places. The way you draw poses is very good and they don’t seem off even with different perspectives. Maybe it can improve even more with some quick anatomy studies, I have tried them and they are pretty fun to do.
I agree with thefalsevyper with the background thing, it looks much better when you draw it instead of using a 3d program.

WRITING
I love the font that you’re using, it looks super smooth and it is very comfortable to read. Sometimes I get the feeling that the speach bubbles’ tails are too short and wide and the lines that connect different bubbles (for example in en. 13 when Rac is being criticized) are too thick. I think that if you made them thinner it would look better. I can’t help on grammar cause English isn’t my first language (I you haven’t guessed it by now XD), but I find the dialogue easy to follow.

PANNELING
The vertical scroll format you’re using is very cool and gives you many great resources to play with pacing and flow. I think you could take more advantage of it by exaggerating more the gap between scenes to slow the action or for dramatic moments, or reduce it a lot to give a feeling of speed.

STORY
As far as I had read I’m really enjoying your comic, it has some really funny moments. All of your characters have an unique personality and quirks (I’m specially fond of Morph’s awful luck) that creates a light atmosphere.

I like your comic and i think that it’s a great beginning and looks very promising, and I hope that I could be of some help. Can’t wait to see more!

Here’s mine if you want to check it:

Daknight
May '18

@lynestjules Ah sorry should had put the disclaimer that if it was from publish or meant to be publish then the whole webtoon paneling format is a bit of a null point. Still hope the rest of the review helps and look foward to more :smiley:

@TheFalseVyper Yeah, is a bit hard to use the other method for comic (the page turn) cause since is a page update each certain time making a reader wait for the 'reveal' might make them more mad than happy lol I seen some traditional style comic in the daily snack so don't lose hope. Your comic is great and deserves a spot there!

@Chita Thanks for the review and yeah moving away from sketchup was a welcome change to myself and it actually has help me improve :smiley: I'll try the anatomy quick study since is something I indeed need improvement. I'll try getting the review out soon, I actually had read your comic before and I am sub, but I like to re-read some aspect and give a good second look for a proper review. Is sadly about 11 pm here right now and my brain is fried from the day xP I hope you don't mind waiting for tommorrow for proper review :smiley:

A-weird-girler
May '18

Heya! Here's my review: It has a good story but it often has grammar and spelling errors. The paneling is kind of disruptive at times and sometimes the art appears shaky. I suggest checking out the png vs jpeg on the Tapas creator's guide. The lines could use some work too. The positives are the character designs. They're pretty awesome.
Here's mine.

Daknight
May '18

@Chita Here is my review :smiley:

-Art-

I love your backgrounds, you can tell the care you take on each one. A market place is one of that hard places to get right (lots of people, movement and variety of things all around) and you did it well. I notice the line art can sometimes be a bit shaky or lines overlap while in others they are smooth, a bit of consistancy there and I belive your line art will become better :smiley: Love the variety of expression you use and they all look great!

-Writting-

I belive you should try to use fonts instead of handwritting (I am assuming it is hand written). It can be really hard to read sometimes and fixing a typo someone might points out is more of a hassle. I like your prologue, it explain enough without and over abundance of text. I do like the ammount of text you have, not to much, but good enough to follow the story and good use of 'sound effects' all around.

-Paneling-

Again this is me thinking on the webcomic format. But from now on I'll review it for webcomic and manga as this is in the preference of the creator.

For webcomic a vertical way is better, it helps in the spacing of moments and foir easy reading. You have a manga style one and the reading has been good, I haven't seen any big reveal that would benefit from the format of webcomic so I don't think changing your paneling is need. I will say that maybe leaving 'breathing' space between panels will help. Really close panels cause claustrophobic feeling which is actually a great effect to use in tense and action moments, reason is best to space them out in normal moments and use the tight close together ones for more tense moments.

-Story-

I really like the back story setting to everything, it explains the lore in good detail without over exposing everything. It set up the main character perfectly as she is the only thing that matter (in her mind that is) and that is great set up. Not much else has happen so can't tell much about the development of the story but my interest is picked by the prologue and potential.

-Character-

I added this category as besides story, the main characters themself are just as important. I like how you set up the personality of the main character thru actions and interactions instead of telling it. Showing the personality is a great way to establish a character! :smiley:

I hope to see more of it as I love the design of the city and characters! Hope this helps you and motivates you to keep going!

Daknight
May '18

@A-weird-girler Thank you for your time and points, trying to fix the grammar in parts, the first chapters are bad in this regard indeed. I know the lines where shaky in the first, but I think I fix them (still need work but no shaky) after say episode 8, but I'll keep improving them (need to work on thickness and other parts). Here is my review of yours:

-Art-

I did read about the different art style representing a different view (At least that is what is said in the description?) but it was still hard to find why and who the switch represented. The comic starts in one style (no outline and just colors), then is a different saturation of colors and with outline, then the third is a different style and then back to the outline which is the one constant for now. I do like the idea, but I think is best to use some transition panels if the change in art style represent a change of view.

I think the head to body proportions feels a bit off in some aspect, or at least the feel a bit off.

I do love your various expression and that panels all offer a subtle but noticeable movement if everything is happen at the same moment, which is really good to know the characters way of thinking or why they are saying something.

-Writting-

I notice someone already mention this, but I think circle bubbles will be better. Most reader already have the mental picture that a square box is more like a narrator speaking or an establishing moment than actual converstation. I also think there is a lot of text at times Example is Chapter 1 Ep 10. She repeats 'in the beginning' three times. I know there is a way of writing that is 'énfasis' where things are repeated, but not sure it works here. I think sometimes less tells more than having a lot of text.

-Story-

I like the mystery planted from the start about she being a patient, about there past interactions and course wanting to learn more about the circumstances of everyone as there is a large variety of cast. Is an interesting case to tackle (mental health among other things) that is not as easy so I look foward to development of the interactions!

Hope this helps you out! :smiley:

beta1042
May '18

Hey Dak, I'm not used to doing reviews but here are my suggestions/thoughts:

Art- I think it's great to see so much improvement from the first ep to the last. I think what you comic could benefit from is more variety in the angles and/or poses you choose. I feel there are a lot of front facing poses and it would be nice to see more poses were the characters are engaged with eachother, looking and talking and interacting with eachother, That said I do feel you have been doing this more in recent chapters.

Another thing I think could help, things that are really far in the background in addition to blurring them you may want to soften them by making them less saturated or less dark in comparison to the people in the front. This helps the people pop. Otherwise the details of the background can draw attention away from the people. (obviously if you want the background to be the main focus you wouldn't do this tho.)

Writing/Story(sorta comments on both)- The flow is sometimes off. Some scenes I feel need more build up, and some scenes need more context. I also would have liked more explanation at the beginning. Why did the character decide to enroll in the school? More explanation for the powers the characters have. And overall more world building before just jumping into the comedy. I felt like a lot of these topics were rushed into and it makes for a rocky start that is harder to follow. I am enjoying the juvenile developments of the characters tho and the overall lighthearted nature of the comic. It gives me a good chuckle that the name is BRA.

Paneling - this seems to be improving quite a bit. But touching up on the writing feedback, there needs to be more panels to portray certain concepts. Also I feel like there could be more variation on where you place your panels. Like have some panels that are shifted to the right, some on the left, some in the middle. This causes the eyes to shift around the comic more and add some aesthetics. It also allows you to play with the placement of the speech balloons more, again the goal being that the eyes jump around the page.

Daknight
May '18

Man, I never thought on the blur aspect on the backgrounds! That is just a brilliant tip O_O I was always fighting how to blend them in a bit more to make the characters stand out! I am actually engaging in more angles indeed, I notice I was doing the similar stale 'look foward or side ways' and it makes scene lack a certain movement.

Yeah, I think I should had done a prologue instead of waiting for the moment this is explain since is a bit further ahead.I notice my first chapters 'arcs' don't deal with the super natural aspect to much which makes people start to wonder about their powers among other reasons xP I think I'll work on that prologue or an in between chapter!

I am actually glad for the webtoon contest cause it brought in a LOT of tips on paneling that I am so going to use! I fall in the pit that I draw and work on the manga standard format and then split it up for webcomic standard.

I'll be reviewing yours shortly (finishing some panels). I actually began reading a manga that reminds me so much of your comic (the main characters has roses flying around that bothers everyone, etc). I only went 'They copied chase!' xP

Daknight
May '18

@beta1042 Here is my full review, I'll be touching on thing I said in my first overview :smiley:

-Art-

I still say your gradual improvement is amazing. You started with shaky lines, pre-made backgrounds that clash a bit and lack of shadows. Now your line are so clean and good proportion in thickness depending on the distance and better use of colors (better saturation and variety). You are tackling backgrounds yourself and they are coming out nicely, yet I still find the character somethings feel like they float in the background. I think use of 'darker' shade close to there feet might help in that aspect to connect them a bit more to the backgrounds (Expecially floor spaces).

Also speaking of shadows, I re-read a few chapters (start, middle and end) and notice there isn't much change in how the shadows are cast across. I think changing them up a bit, expecially if is a face to face conversation where the light is cast to face of someone while to the other the light is cast from behind. It hasn't affect the story or anything, but for future it might help (Especially in the chapter were Ben is kind of trying to get with Gwen in a way she is not liking it, it might had work a bit more to show it was an uncomftable situation).

Otherwise your improvement is quite noticible and welcome! I really like your style :smiley:

-Writting-

Another big improvement, on the first a lot of text was used (which is of course understandable since is setting up episode), but now the text are all concrete and easy to follow and gives all the information we need as the rest we can tell by the characters expression or setting.

Really like the different bubble colors per character, it makes it easy to know who said what, specially in parts where that are multiple characters around. I also like that you kept it simply on the font and use two at most, the normal talk one and a cursive like one for 'special' text or effects. Works really well.

-Story-

I am really, really glad this isn't the usual 'After 100 episode...they finally hold hands...100 episode more and they finally confess...50 episode more and an answer is receive!'. I like the fact they become a couple early but still have struggles and of course the people around that this affect. Is good to have a story which is about the relationship and not on 'how they became a couple'.

I like you make sure to devotee an episode to a character when they are introduce or re-appear after awhile to get us interested on them. I remember you once ask me that you were afraid if it was to predictable on who ends with who and I still stand by that in a romance story that isn't the important part, but the how and when and what. We want to know how they end up together and the struggles they face to get there and of course the struggles they face as a couple.

You are doing a fine job there, introducing the one that might want to break them up and someone that will try to get to know Gwen more and of course the internal turmoil of Manson.

-Characters-

Chase is hand down a great character, the sparkle idea gives it a nice touch of comedy that works amazing. His curiosity for most thing we take as normal or natural is quite interesting too.

Mason as the best friend with a bit of complex that girls use him to get to chase is nice. We know this hurts him a lot and make him a bit weary of girls approaching him, but he still a good friend to Mason.

Gwen and Fi are great two, they fit like a glove in Fi being the more rebel risky one and Gwen the more calm passive but with her own touch of passion and courage. The other cast have appear less, but Ben role is establish perfectly and he does such a good job at it xP Valerie is also good and an interesting rival with a bit of mystery on why she hates Gwen so much.

-Overall-

I love that you kept improving as you continue your story as it shows the care and interest you have in telling it. Great cast of characters and a nice romance story :smiley: I'll keep reading it for a long time! :smiley:

ChitaIn the making of Bunneh The Rabbit
May '18
Daknight

Aaaw, thank you so much for the amazing review! I’m trying to improve my lineart and backgrounds, and I have started using a lettering font in the next chapter, the thing s that I don’t have time to edit all the other pages XD.
I’m super flattered about the character thing, one of my goals is to show more instead of just telling and if you think that about Flare it seems that I’m on the good path.
Thanks again!!!:heart:

Daknight
May '18

@A-weird-girler Ah ok, got it xP We all have those kind of mistakes (I wish I could change the background in my first ones, but it would mean to just redraw everything xP)

@Chita Nice, look foward to those changes then :smiley: Glad you went with font lettering :smiley:

Daknight
May '18

I open this awhile ago and was more in a 'review for review' but in all honesty I just wanted to review other peoples work and not necessary get mine review as well. I wouldn't mind a review, but is not needed for me to review yours :smiley: I just want to help people out, specially now with the contest going on around webtoons and tapas!

leecomics
May '18

@Daknight Seeing your last response, feel free to review mine.
I'm very new to writing/drawing comics and your critique is welcome!

(reads right to left)

frixelkind
May '18

I would really appreciate a review of my work! I don’t have much to offer but if there is anything I can do in return please let me know!

It probably gets a little draining to read so if you find yourself getting bored you’re more than free to skip to the end!

Thank you!

Daknight
May '18
leecomics

Here is my review:

-Art-

The story seem like it be a bit more battle/adult like yet the art feel chibi format in a way. Nothing bad with that by the way, but I think most that will read action/battle like story might expect a different style of art. Still not suggesting for you to change art style, this one was more of an opinion.

I would consider using variety of line thickness, usually the outline of character and important thing is thicker, the inside lines a bit less to distinguish and create some depth. This will also help with distinguishing the background and characters, more so giving your comic is in a grayscale format.

Giving that I am loving the variety of backgrounds and the variety of perspectives views, it feel likes we are indeed moving around the city towards a location.

Another tip is regarding battle and movement, try to use more speedlines to created the illusion of movement and to bring attention to a special place (say when throwing a punch, highlight the punch being thrown, etc).

-Writting-

I like the flow of text you have, is easy to follow what is suppose to be next that you read (natural order). This are the first chapters so a lot of text is normal to created the setting, lore and of course to get to know the characters. You didn't overwhelm with text as you space it out well, so continue doing that. Your font selection is also good, is easy to read!

-Paneling-

I like the amount of panels you have, I would space them out a bit more (at least the one below as the one that are more continuation like from the last are perfect side to side). This gives them a bit of breathing room and is easier to focus on each one when reading and will allow you to control the speech bubbles a bit better.

-Story-

I am liking the setting and world building the first two chapter introduce as well as the undermine parts of creo people being seeing as 'bad' but not said outright. Great first battle to give a glimpse about the powers and why some people can become valkyries. Is just starting out so not much that can be said, but it has a promising start and interesting lore around it :smiley:

Hope to keep seeing more and keep the good work!