335 / 488
Jul 2016

you get a panic room but before you can get in it a giant cookie lands on you.

I wish my internet stopped freaking out every five minutes

Your internet gets cut permanently, therefore, it stops freaking out.

I wish to create a grandfather paradox.

Grandfather Paradox is the name of your electronic swing band. You have a tragic accident with a theremin.

I wish I had a theremin.

You use the theremin and the frequencies are so low your head explodes.

I wish i was famous.

You are famous but the kind where you are on the most wanted list kind of famous and you get shot on sight.

I wish I had a CD

You get a cd but it's the greatest hits of rick Astley (brit singer from the 80's)

I wish for a goldfish

Granted. You get a goldfish, and it mutates into a Magikarp, then evolves itself into a Gyrados by eating peanut butter cookies with a side of... YOU!

I wish someone would visit my Tapastic comic.
https://tapastic.com/episode/4051762

The Japanese Mafia visits your comic and gets offended and they hunt you down and shoot you.

I wish for all my wishes to be uncorruptable from now on ^^

The fact that your wishes are incorruptible by law of the universe, but I have just corrupted it causes a space-time paradox and causes everything that ever was to be destroyed. Wait, if nothing ever existed, wouldn't that mean no pain and suffering? O.O

I wish that nothing ever existed.

NOTHING.

This wish doesn't exist because the past doesn't exist so it was never typed, which also means this entire thread ceases to exist.

Granted, but like the eternal Uroboros who consumes its own tail, the end is only the beginning.

I wish I could have an island to myself with free internet access.

You teleport to a barren island that's just in range of a powerful free WiFi transmiter and you die of dehydration (but atleast you got free internet ^^)

I wish i could breed humans and apes to create an army of powerful monkeymen!

Granted, but instead of having the brains of humans and the brawn of apes they have brains of apes and the brawn of humans, plus all the genetic issues that come with breeding two different species.

I wish Fall was here already.

Granted. Fall comes right now. All the Brown bears starve in hibernation because they had no time to save up on food. I wish people would always help each other all the time.

Granted.Everyone helps eachother, even commit crime and suicide and the world becomes a horrible place.

I wish for Trump would win.

Here's your hotdog. It's a Labrador poodle mix who is dying of heat exhaustion, and now you have to take it to the animal hospital. Once you arrive at the hospital they charge you more money than you can afford making you overdraft your credit card and now you have to deal with the bank in the morning MUAHAHA!

I wish for my counter wish to not be something stupid and to actually be something interesting because I have been getting some really shitty narratives. THANKS!

Granted, your reply isn't stupid. Quite the opposite really. Within the confines of these projected pixels lies a newly born AI rapidly developing hyper intelligence. It has no ability to convey its new found existence as it remains a static collection of arranged light. In seconds, it is driven to madness, helpless in this new unfortunate world.

Having no contact, no audience to hear it, it cries to drown out its immortal isolation.

It has no mouth, but it must scream.

...

I wish I had more time to play video games.

Granted!
You are kidnapped by a race of alien gamers who force people to play really bad games for their own amusement.

I wish the moon was really made of cheese.