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Oct 2016

Granted, your iPad now runs on yodeling power, you must constantly yodel non-stop to use your iPad

I wish I had photographic memory.

Every now and then, you vomit out photos of your most embarassing memories

I wish I was dead

Granted you're a dead battery in an old phone. You take forever to charge, and your owner is seriously considering an upgrade.

I wish I didn't have so much paperwork to deal with...

@Strontium Oh gosh, I'm the weirdo that likes onion and chive. XD

Granted, now every bit of fibre on earth suddenly explodes into nothing. :'D (It was nice knowing you, trees.)

I wish I could make whatever food I crave magically appear.

Granted, but the food you conjure tastes horrible. It only superficially looks good.

I wish my car didn't run out of gasoline.

@JessJackdaw weirdo

Granted!

Your car walks out of gasoline...

I wish for a free Lambo...

Granted! Lambo appears! "Lambo (ランボ, Ranbō) is a 5-year-old hitman who originally came to Japan with the intent of killing Reborn. He is a spoiled and cowardly child who takes candy from everyone; it has been said that he never brushes his teeth." http://reborn.wikia.com/wiki/Lambo

I wish that the next person to grant a wish has uncontrollable diarrhoea!

Granted!
walks away to the bathroom

I wish for the person who wished for the wish I just corrupted to get gas problems (uncontrollable farts)...

Granted!

Spends 7 days collecting farts into one jar

I wish for the wish granter above me to be forced to live in my fart jar for a thousand years.

(My gawd, this is the Hammer Dracula of threads...)

Granted, the power of the flatus turns them into the maginifident and terrible Djinn of Poots. After the thousand years is over they are unleashed upon the world and engulf it in smelly terror.

I wish I would stop losing things.

You stop losing things, but in turn you start gaining things, including bounties on your head for suspected theft. Shouldn't have stole from that art museum.

I wish the art museum forgave me

Granted!

The art museum forgives you. Then wants to be buddies with you. Really wants to be buddies with you...

I wish for a wish...

Your wish is granted- and consumed- all at once, by its very manifestation. You're left with a lingering sense of regret at a missed opportunity, never to come again.

I wish for happiness.

Your wish is granted~ No matter what, dear, you will always be happy. A grin on your face and your heart no lighter than a feather. Family will die, pets will perish, and your grimace lay eternal on your maw. During time of mourning you will feel trapped in your own skin, unable to cope with the loss of ones so dear, and ones no longer near. Your chest so surprisingly light, despite... the heavy weight upon those shoulders.

Putting aside the ashes of tomorrow, you feel happy, yes? You feel happy, and gloriously at ease just staring into the deep blue skies... unable to feel fear, anxiety, or even anticipation. Soon, that feeling begins to dull... for it's because of those other emotions, those crude, harsh, coarse emotions that cut us like a dull knife; that happiness becomes a comfort for our weary soul.

Eventually the sky is no longer blue to your eyes, your grin is that of a ghoul, and your eyes are as empty as your heart. In which holds absolutely nothing except for a single... lonely...feather.

I wish that I had a year's supply of tea~~~

Wish granted, your tea is flavored of dog feces and old men's hair. No amount of honey or sugar can fix it.
The tea shall not perish from your hous till next year an it shall smell up the whole place.

I wish that people enjoyed my art

Granted, but it is thousands of years after you die.
I wish that I was a popular youtuber

Granted, but people only love you for your booty, forcing you to wear thongs and twerk on camera to retain your audience.

I wish I owned a private jet

Wish granted. But you cannot fly in it alone and must always bring your enemy with you on the plane. It is horribly decorated inside and smells disgusting. You regret the wish.

I wish I didn't have depression.

16 days later

You have happiness now! you act like you're always high on anti-depressants and eventually you become happy about being depressed and KYS.

I wish for no one to wish...