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Dec 2016

You get your brush calligraphy ink. However, whenever you try to write or draw, ink spills everywhere...oh god! It's on the walls too! And the floors! YOU ARE DROWNING IN INK!

I wish my crippling depression would disappear.

(Me: SHIGERUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!! //gurgle blub)

Your crippling depression disappears, but you are now left with a condition that makes you happy about anything and everything. You soon end up becoming a serial killer clown.

I wish I have a faster reaction time.

Your reaction time is fast. REALLY FAST. Too fast infact. You movements go at about 100 km/h. You move, then realize you have no way of stopping. You end up crashing into a tree like a fatal car crash.

I wish I could finish all my homework in an hour.

Granted. You start on math, but find you cannot stop. You must solve all of the homework that will ever be assigned to you. Every Essay, problem, project. Your hands burn with the work as you finish piece after piece. This then extands into your work life. All your goals you wish to have accomplished later are finished now. The burning reaches up your arms and into your soul. You are no more.
Atleast the homework is finished.

I wish i had a kitten i could cuddle with.

Granted. The "kitten" is an extremely irritated liger that eats your face off.

I wish for the gumption to actually study for my exams.

18 days later

You get a bunny, but it turns out to be the flesh eating rabbit from Monty Python's Holy Grail.

I wish I didn't have shitty self esteem.

You have great self esteem, but your ego is so large, people don't like being around you.

I wish for a genie with incorruptable wishes.

the genie only speaks in an ancient language, he can't understand you, he can only follow you.
Everywhere.

Granted!

Everyone has a great holiday, even those who don't do the holidays which makes them terribly unhappy. frowning

I wish for a green shroom.

You get the green shroom, but it releases poisonous spores and you die.

I wish I was a magical girl! ・゜゚・:.。..。.:・'(゚▽゚*)'・:.。. .。.:・゜゚・*
(Already setting myself up for kyuubey jokes and death)

The fish in the fish tacos is weeks old and hasn't been refrigerated properly. You end up in the hospital for an entire year.

I wish the radio station would stop repeating the same damn Christmas songs over and over all December.

granted. no more radio stations played Christmas songs every December...instead they play it everyday for the first 11 months of every year.

i wish for my 2D boyfriend to become real.

Granted!

He becomes real. And he's horny...

I wish for a ketchup-vodka.

Granted.
The vodka has gone bad and the ketchup... oh dear... There's not many red bits left it's only moisture now...
You get a stomach ache from the cocktail

I wish for a good book to read today.

You find a book so good, you can't put it down- and it's thousands of pages long. What a treat!
You're so engrossed in it, you forget to eat, drink, or sleep.
One day, they find your corpse sitting hunched over in a reading chair, the book still clutched firmly in your withered hands, your hollow eyes glazed over, frozen forever in a permanent enraptured stare at the page.
You never finish the book....it finished you.

I wish for 2017 to be better than 2016.