Emotional Support/Advice Thread

[dawgofdawgness]

I just retyped paragraph after paragraph of word barf and deleting it, because there's so much going on in my head, and decided to just go with this: can depression have a "relapse"?

[DiegoPalacios]

unfortunately it is possible to have a depression relapse.

This can happen for different reasons, like hormonal changes, stopping a treatment beforehand, traumatic and/or emotionally draining events.

It could also be a temporal situation getting you worried.

If the feeling persists or comes back again, make sure you check out with a profesional and to tell the people you trust.

I hope is not a relapse

If you need to talk about it, count on me Dawg

[qwerty]

If whatever underlying cause(s) that caused the depression previously are still present, then of course it can happen. Or it can happen again due to new causes.

For whatever it's worth I'm here and wishing you the best

[unknown_user]

I feel really depressed since the beginning of the year... I enjoy nothing, feel very unhappy and do nothing really useful.
Last year I've managed to work for a several months as a programmer, to qualify for the very prestige internship for summer 2019, to pass complicated exams, to come up with math paper idea for PhD school and to start the comics, of course... this year I do almost nothing besides drinking and accumulate debt on the credit card. I'm trying to do something about the health and studying, but not succeeding very much.
When I draw comics (still slowly and poorly) and talk with people here, it helps me feel better a bit, but unfortunately don't solve my life problems.
I feel life as a... constant struggles now.

[dawgofdawgness]

Ok, I gathered myself so I don't type random depressive stuff that doesn't make any sense

Summary

A bit of background: last year around March, my closest friend at the time stopped being there for me. This was when I got depression, and he was the only person I could trust. So when he started ghosting me/ignoring me I didn't have anywhere to go so I sort of slipped into this cycle where I would become extremely depressed for a couple of hours, and become tired for the rest of the day. I was basically 100% lost and overwhelmed with sadness and suicidal thoughts.

Anyway, I blocked him, found a new friend, got a therapist, and for the next couple of months, I started recovering and poured all my trust into my new friend. And I was fine for the most part - I would occasionally get really depressed for a week or two, but it wasn't like crying-myself-to-sleep-all-the-time severe. So whatever. Usually I'm in a pretty good mood. But lately, this new friend of mine started doing exactly the same thing as what my previous friend did (the one I blocked). You know, ignoring in real life, disappearing when I try to text her (way too many times) - I realized I was always the one to start the conversation, and I was always either met with dry-ass responses or her completely disappearing for the rest of the day. So I stopped starting conversations and it's been 2 days since she's talked to me. This seems clingy, but for reference, we used to talk a LOT. At least once a day. And suddenly it just kind of stopped and she's become pretty cold. I never realized how much I relied on her, and now I can feel myself slipping back into that depressive cycle again.

Anything I'm missing? How do I become a strong independent woman :^)

[Luminosophy]

Is there anyway you can open a conversation where she can explain if there's anything you're doing that might be annoying her? Sounds like there's an issue but she's probably too scared to say anything for fear of repercussion. Those sorta talks are hard to have, but you never lose friends if they know they can tell you stuff without you getting upset. I don't mean it in a way to pin blame on you, just that it's a possibility. Could also just be wanting space, make sure to dial down the communication for now. (Though don't just assume this is the case, you really need to ask her what's going on if you can.)

[dawgofdawgness]

Could also just be wanting space, make sure to dial down the communication for now.

I also thought this was the case, everyone needs their space now and then. But I mean she seems to get along well enough with her other friends. I talked to her irl the other day and it was the most awkward, uncomfortable experience because MAN she wanted to get out of the conversation. It was like I was some sort of burden to her. It doesn't help that I'm practically the height of a hobbit and I started feeling like I was her annoying little sister. I went away and she immediately started giggling with her other friends. SIGH! It really doesn't feel great. Because right then I knew that it was a problem with me.

Yeah, I messaged her an hour ago to see if she wants to talk. There's a pretty big chance she'll just ignore me for the rest of the day, though. Then I'd be really lost.
I don't get it.. I don't get why this keeps happening to me, I just want friends I can talk to... That's all I want!!!!

[DiegoPalacios]

the best thing to do right now is to distract yourself with something else to do in the meantime.

If she doesn`t answer, is not the end of the world. You are a fun, intelligent and kind person, so you can make friends if you meet some people.

Another possibility is that she is trying to hang out with her other group of friends, but they dont know you yet. And she has trouble telling you for some awkward teenager reason.

I have a friend in school, but i couldn`t get him to join my other group of friends from school until they befriended him. Sometimes we got a chance to talk during lunchtime.

Maybe if you befriend some of her friends (if that is an option and if you get along) you could hang out with them.

Anyway, communication is key, so is important to see if you can talk to her in private/phone/whatever so she can explain what is going on.

Hope everything works for the best. Also, you are not alone, you have some friends here

[minerrale]

We are here for you Dawg! If there's any time you need to talk, about anything, or need advice or support, we're right here behind our screen ready to give you all the virtual ice cream in the world
As for that friend, I don't know how old you guys are but this sounds like teenager behavior...

[simplykit]

hi friend, whatever it is your dealing with...

"this too shall pass"

[zuggarts]

[complaining about shit I don't want on my account long-term]

[unknown_user]

I have something in common with you. I've studied in one of the best universities in my country at the most complicated specialisation of theoretical mathematics. There I met a lot of so-called prodigies and have felt as a piece of shit near them.
I have always felt like I should do my best to become at least comparable with them. They did complicated math and programming stuff, which was very hard to me, so easily, like this is just a game for them. Many of them have much higher performance in math and programming in general.
And coding interviews... auch, don't even remind me about them. >_< Such an ungrateful and exhausting thing!
My main advice is to find a time to rest and creative work, as well as to refer to the therapist to treat depression properly. It helps me, at least, temporarily.

[unknown_user]

Now I've also recalled one thing, which therapist have told to me. She have said that I'm not objective when I compare myself to others. That it is actually nearly impossible to find a person who would be better than me in everything, so when I think that I'm totally worse than some of my acquaintances from the University, it is not quite correct. I should learn to notice the things, in which I'm better than persons I envy to. I've tried and - yes, at least, this helps me be less envious and think better about myself. Maybe you could try to use this advice as well.

The decision to take a year off from studying seems suitable. Saying from my own experience, work and serious studying are extremely hard to combine, so if you have not enough strenght right now, such a stress will drown you even more deeply into exhaustion. So it seems like you should refuse either work or studying, at least, for a while, to not break down yourself entirely.
When I had such a dilemma, I've sacrificed work, but have continued studying. But of course, if you have no saved money right now, no study grants and no financial support of others, this option becomes unavailable.

P.S. If you'll need help with algorithmic coding interview preparation, feel free to ask. I know good resources for studying all of the topics from them. When I will rest enough to recover my ability to cognitive efforts in enough degree, I will also be able to help with doing fake (training) interview.

[LCT_m_a_d]

My best advice to dealing with burnout is to really look at your relationship with how you address your responsibilities. I find burnout happens when I try to control the outcome of everything in my life with the same approach and intensity just because its in my life. Some things are important, but not really urgent and requires more preparation. Some things are urgent, but require you to defer to your resources. When we pick the wrong method to address an issue, the problem usually comes back with greater intimidation. Try asking yourself what is your mindset and approach for addressing reoccurring and stressful challenges and how can I commit to a solution that will take the stress out of the task. (Schedule, deferment, more planning before acting etc)

[unknown_user]

This post contained some whining about my issues (EDITED)

[vothnthorvaldson]

I'm neither good with words and neither do I know how I could help you, but I can give you a piece of advice about the paper and the supervisor.
Tell them a bit about the issue. Not too much, but some. From my experience, there is nothing they hate more than waiting for their students to update them and it never comes. They prefer to know there is an issue and that the work will be delayed (so they can focus on an other student or project). My (difficult) relationship with my PhD advisor improved a lot after I told her the delays on my work were due to me going through a severe depression.

[minerrale]

I don't have a solution to offer any of y'all, but I'd like to remind each of you that you CAN do this. You are stronger than you think. You have defeated many monsters already, jumped many obstacles, you can do it
You are not alone.
You are loved
You are cared for
You are stronger than the monsters

[unknown_user]

@minerrale I appreciate your intention to help. But I can't agree with the particular way you doing this now.

For example, what if the person is alone and isn't loved by anyone? It is a valid option. I personally had periods of life in this state. So what? Should I die? (sometimes I think like yes, but I doubt you really mean it).
What the point to make statements about people you don't know personally? They can easily be a lie.

[vothnthorvaldson]

Same. I would appreciate the attention, but not the message. When I was depressed or overwhelmed I would like someone to tell me:
It's ok if you can't
It's ok if you're not loved or cared for.
It's ok to be lonely.
That would be efficient support.

Just to help people know how to react. I don't want to discourage people of being supportive by being too picky.

[LittleMissDevil]

Good Lord, trying to get an appointment at a psychologist is making me more depressed than I already am. In Germany I can get therapy through my health insurance no problem, but actually getting an appointment is a nightmare. "Only call at these very specific times, where you'll definitely gonna be at work, the time frame is about half an hour and don't you dare leave a message on the mailbox unless you're already a patient". Uuuuuuurggghhhhhh. I've not even spoken to a real human being yet and I'm already stressed out.

I've been struggling with symptoms of depression since October at least and now I remember why I procrastinated calling a doctor again. I mean, I know that I can't deal with these problems alone forever. I know I should get into therapy soon, especially since it is starting to effect my willingness to go to work (I still am going, but it's getting harder). But this process is just so exhausting.