Jul 2022
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goatbat
Jul '22

hey! this is my first time trying to ask something like this.

i've hit a rut with my comic & have been struggling quite a bit with the comic medium (more than i expected to tbh.) i'm currently on hiatus & i'm looking for things to improve before i get back to weekly updates

could i please have some crit on what i have of my current long form comic? i'm aware characters might be harder to crit for now- mostly looking for feedback on my use of greyscale, pacing & general readability.

i can offer crit in return if you would like! thank you for reading

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    Jul '22

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    Sep '22
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darthmongoose
Jul '22

All right... let's have a look... I don't really want any crit in return, you can have this for free.

So an immediate thing that jumps out is that the presentation of the banner and cover could be better. The banner with the text kind of crammed into one corner too close to the edges and without an image looks a bit "thrown together", and when the title of the comic is "Real Lies", which while it's not a bad title, doesn't really say anything about what sort of comic it is, some more context given from imagery would really help attract people to read it, because the actual concept, about an uneasy team up of a fraud psychic and a demon in the 80s, is really cool. Put some thought into how you could get across "fraud psychic and demon buddy team up" and "1980s" better with your cover and logo. Maybe a more eighties font and colours would help, and a less static feeling cover with the characters interacting more, and maybe some dynamic diagonals in the composition.
Putting a character sitting looking bored at the front of your cover is one of those things that really only works if the rest of the cover going on around them looks completely wild. It's a weirdly common issue I've seen with underperforming works on Tapas. If the character on the cover looks tired and bored of being in your comic, what's that telling the potential reader? "This comic is a boring slog". You need your cover to look inviting!

Some other stuff:

  • Text is way too small to comfortably read on a mobile device (which is what probably close to 90% of all Tapas users read on). There's plenty of space, so you could definitely make the speech bubbles and text bigger.

  • The early panel layouts are often using fancy panels without it seeming like there's a good reason. Thankfully this looks a lot better lately, but there does seem to be a tendency towards panels that are almost... but not quite horisontal... like they're just slightly diagonal and it really bothers me. :sweat_02: If you're using a diagonal panel border for effect, that's fine, but make sure they're all either diagonal enough for it to look intentional or just leave them straight, or else it just looks sloppy.

  • Greyscale can be a tough sell for a webcomic, because colour is more eyecatching. In this case, I'm a little baffled as to why this comic is in greyscale, because the grey is being used as if it's colour, it's just shades of grey. If you're using greyscale for speed, it's best used very minimally just to help define some depth between characters and backgrounds rather than filling everything in in mid greys, or if you're using greyscale stylistically for a screentone aesthetic... using actual screentones, which are available in Clip Studio as well as widely online as Photoshop patterns would look more deliberate and striking than these flat grey fills with a dot pattern on. It does look like this improves later, but I still think there's room for improvement in how you use tone to define atmosphere and depth and to evoke a specific aesthetic.

  • Reading on a bit, I feel like the comic really doesn't quite hit the vibe of when and where it's meant to be set. It's meant to be in New York in the 80s, but the fashion and speech really feels way more like Britain in the 70s, and there's a lack of shots really showing much of the environments to establish tone and context. Look up some reference for your environments and really try to evoke the vibes of 80s New York by watching movies and series from the time set there.

  • The characters aren't bad, and the concept for this series, but you could have started at a much more exciting part that more clearly establishes these characters. Like imagine if we'd opened the comic with the phony psychic doing a reading on somebody, all weird and dramatic and leaving the customer walking away awestruck after handing over a wad of cash... before you show them revealing (to just the audience) all the tricks they used to just make it seem like it was a display of psychic power, like fishing line to make things float, newspaper clippings about them or something... and then we see our psychic accidentally summon a demon and get introduced to that character. It's just a lot more fun than opening with "somebody reads a newspaper and then they go from their apartment to another apartment while talking". If you're going to make a comic, you really need to use the format to show the reader visually interesting things happening, not just have a lot of people standing in rooms narrating the story with text.

  • The artwork is... not bad overall. The main weakness is in your understanding of depth and volume. It both makes the characters and objects feel a bit "floppy", often relying on stylistic shortcuts to avoid drawing difficult things, and seems to make you shy away from compositions that really use depth to enhance the mood or storytelling. Some time spent on anatomical studies, and perhaps even looking into using reference and 3D models would really help build your skills here.

Two books I'd prescribe for you to read and study would be:

Making Comics by Scott McCloud
Perspective! For Comic Book Artists by David Chelsea

Sorry, that was a big dump, but I think you have a lot of potential and I think you're in a rut because you've reached a growth stage in your work and feel frustrated, knowing you're capable of better, but not knowing where to start. I'm confident that conquering these things would be a huge level up.

goatbat
Jul '22

Nope- I really appreciated the big dump, you hit a lot of points and it was very helpful to hear, thank you! I really appreciated how in depth that was, that gives me a lot to sit down and work with. I think a lot of this caught things that my brain was thinking, "hey, something isn't quite right here, but what exactly?"

I'll take a look at those books too, thank you again!

darthmongoose
Jul '22

No problem at all! Sometimes finding in-depth guidance on comics gets really hard once you're past beginner level. :coffee_love:

sunshineyon
Jul '22

I read about a chapter and a half, it's quite confusing, though you're jumping back in time, so that makes sense. Keep at it! I think you're style is unique and the art is good.

goatbat
Jul '22

I do realize now that starting in media res may have been confusing for a lot of people starting out, so that's definitely something I'm going to work out the kinks on. And thank you! I'll work more at it ^_^

powerplantanimations
Aug '22

Read your comic. I will say I find the concept interesting. Reminds me a bit of Neuro: Supernatural Detective. I actually always found the concept of people accidentally summoning demons (specifically hackney psychics or kids playing with oujia boards) to be really interesting. Especially the whole name concept, I think you have something there.

That said, I will agree with mongoose and say that I wish it started with something more exciting? Maybe show the psychic pulling off a scam? As an American... yeah I didn't really get 80's New York Vibes here. Everyone here speaks a little too... pleasantly if that makes sense lmao (I'm going to assume you're from the UK?). I'd add a little more PUNCH to it. Like showcase the city is famously known for its outspoken nature. Especially when you consider the fact the 80's was a... HORRIBLE... time for New York (specifically on the poor side).

That's probably all I have to say. I'm not an art guy.

I will say, I am curious what you would think about my comic since we both explore the afterlife. I've been meaning to see more opinions from writers/artists that explore that side:

goatbat
Aug '22

I'm actually kinda surprised two people mentioned my comic seeming British in some way since I’m also an American- I'm not offended at all, to be clear, but since I don't actually know that many people from the UK, I really don't know how I exude so much British energy xD Maybe it’s a bit of my Southerner side showing, lol.

But! You made an excellent point about the dialogue. I should honestly lean into some New Yorker-isms & give characters a more rough speaking style. For Ottilie I based her dialogue off of much older British novels to kind of differentiate her from the other- so I think I may just punch up everyone's dialogue besides hers.

Also- that's awesome you mentioned Neuro! Huge inspiration from me, love that comic to pieces.

For your comic, I’m aware you’re the writer so I’m just going to note on those aspects below! I've put some thoughts down below-

  • Humor overall is good- I think it improves quite a bit as you get further in. So far the date arc is the best at balancing the plot and humor, imo- there’s some good tension from the stand user, mixed with some good dark humor to break the tension.
  • I like how scummy Naota is, and how a lot of the pitfalls he has are directly because of that lmao. Nancy basically being one of his main haters (and justifiably so, LOL) after initially being charmed by him is an especially solid choice I think.
  • I’d say the only main thing I can crit is- the dodgeball arc is very fun- but it is quite a few characters introduced in a relatively short amount of time (did make me a lil confused my first read through it.) I think you may want to give readers some of a refresh on some of the minor characters from this arc if they do come back.
  • For the isekai aspect- The fact that he is not the only isekai’ed character also changes the dynamic from him being the sole fish out of water character, and I think some of the moments (like the satellite being the method of isekai-fication) are good, fun jokes about the genre. If I had to take a guess you’re using the isekai-ification as a way for Naota to change the way he treats women, since he gets the consequences for the actions he doesn’t have in his world of origin. Which is a good way to use that genre!

Thanks for giving my comic a read btw! I very much appreciate it ^_^

powerplantanimations
Aug '22

Np! I appreciate you reading my comic too. Yeh I think the main problem with the Dodgeball Arc has to be D's design and introduction? Probably the biggest confusion I got from the arc. Specifically since Naota's wig looked like D's hair and D's hair looked like Naota's wig.

I actually had a blast referencing that in the Date Arc. I will say hopefully I at this rate I'm going, I do space things out when I reintroduce characters. Specifically Quincy. Without giving away spoilers, I write off a HUGE CHUNK of characters and just focus on 5 for the entire series, so hopefully it won't be too much for readers in the future. :+1:

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closed Sep 1, '22

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