Could I get some feedback on this short bit of dialogue from my novel?
I’m not sure if I should keep this dialogue or delete it. It doesn’t have any real relevance to the plot, but I think it can showcase the character’s personalities a little bit. Let me know if you think it is boring or whether I should keep it in the story or not. This dialogue happens early in the 1st chapter of my novel. Also, any suggestions you may have on my dialogue writing style would be greatly appreciated.
Brief description of Novel: Two classmates with animosity go through their own stories of emotional, physical and psychological struggle and growth during middle school and high school, which parallel each other through the years.
Brief description of scene: Main Character sits outside his middle school counselor’s office waiting to go inside. While he waits, two middle school girls walk inside the lobby and the Main character listens to a conversation between the two girls talking about an encounter one of the girls had. The scene is written from the Main Character’s perspective and so the two girl characters are not named yet because the main character doesn’t know them yet.
SCENE:
Adair looked to his left hearing the admin office doors open. Then he saw two girls walk inside from the school quad talking.
“Yeah, no I know.” said one of the girls. Adair gave the girls a passing glance. One was an asian Girl with long black hair that went down to her back and the other was a brunette haired white Girl. He looked at his paper note that had his Counselor's name and email information. The two girls walked over to the Attendance Secretary at the counter.
“Hi, Ms. Hopkins.” said the asian Girl.
“Mr. Fuentes sent us to pick up some boxes of books that you have.” said the brunette haired Girl.
“Oh right, wait here, I’ll be right back.” said Ms. Hopkins going in the back to get the boxes. Adair just sat there waiting and looking at the note not really paying attention to what the two girls were talking about.
“So what happened?” asked the brunette Girl.
“So I was in line, and the cashier-” said the asian Girl.
-“Was it a guy?” asked the brunette Girl.
“No girl. So she looks at me and says ‘Hey you look asian where are you from?’ All polite, nice, how you doin, whatever right.” said the asian Girl.
“Yeah.” said the brunette Girl.
“Before I can say something, this random white lady in line behind me just says in a total valley girl voice ‘Oh my gawd that’s gross.’” said the asian Girl.
“What?” asked the brunette Girl confused.
“She said that to some kid who dropped like a sandwich or something on the floor. Then he picked it up and ate it.” said the asian Girl.
“Oh! Hahaha.” said the brunette Girl laughing. Adair looked up smirking for a second then he looked over at the school Counselor's door to see if she was done talking to the other student.
“Yeah, like she was all disgusted by it.” said the asian Girl.
“Oh my god, what’s wrong with people?” said the brunette Girl.
“I know right. That’s not gross. What’s gross about that?” asked the asian Girl.
“Literally nothing. Then what’d she say?” asked the brunette Girl.
“She said ‘That’s disgusting.’” said the asian Girl in a valley girl voice.
“People get mad over nothing. And it had nothing to do with her.” said the brunette Girl.
“Yeah- Exactly.” said the asian Girl.
“Then what happened?” asked the brunette Girl.
“Then she got into an argument with another lady in line.” said the asian Girl. The girls both bursted out laughing and leaned on the counter.
“What did you do?” asked the brunette Girl still laughing.
“Nothing. I just laughed, told the cashier I was Chinese and walked out.” said the asian Girl.
“Wow.” said the brunette Girl.
“Hey did you hear what happened with Ashley? She went to second base with some guy.” said the asian Girl.
“Oh my god!” said the brunette Girl surprised.
END SCENE. Thanks for reading.