Unfortunately I also already did pony's, but I haven't done Suren's or Apples.
@surenlicious - I took a look at your first chapter, and it has me intrigued. Your story has an air of mystery to it, and it feels like the narration is giving just enough information to the reader to keep it that way. You have a way of weaving the magic and mystery into the story, and your word flow is on point, most of the time. Beyond a few small grammatical errors, I had no trouble engaging with Jade Kingdoms, and I appreciated the almost dreamlike tension you managed to build on. It's not an urgent tension, but it is all at once. I feel like the characters are going to need to rely heavily on their wits.
One thing that stood out to me was the short, but very telling descriptions of your characters. I like to use the term: Saying a lot without saying a lot, and your descriptions manage to do just that. Overall, very well done. I'll have to give this story a closer look in its later chapters.
@ApplesOverIndia - I really love the initial premise of your story. I love the humor, I love the sass of Mitta, and I love Margarita's internal dialogue. Like everyone else I'm basing this off the first chapter, but yours is definitely hooking me enough to give a full read when I get a chance. That said, a few pointers:
One thing that's often suggested but necessarily so is that you should start a new paragraph everytime someone speaks. This helps a lot with the sentence flow and makes things a little easier for your reader to immerse themselves. I realize only one person is speaking, but the way you have the internal dialogue going, you can have that internal dialogue in a paragraph by itself, and have it flow a bit better. Otherwise, you did a great job hooking me as a reader, and I'm very interested I what kind of trouble these two will be getting into