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MoonSquid
Dec '16

Hello friends, I'm looking for some tips or advice. When someone suffers a significant loss of loved ones, how do you keep your work from spiralling out? Do you have any tricks to channel your grief into your work rather than fighting against it? I understand that not every person will mourn in the same way (outside of the steps of accepting loss), but after losing two dear people in the last two weeks, my work and work ethic is beginning to suffer quite spectacularly. Needless to say, it's making the process all the more stressful!

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    Dec '16

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    Dec '16
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AnnaLandin
Dec '16

  1. Take a break if you need one. Seriously, do.

  2. I haven't lost loved ones often, thankfully, but for me, art and the creation thereof has always represented a kind of comforting routine, and in times of great upset or loss, it's a space for me to take shelter in, and keep working on it until things calm down. So the actual work itself helps me get through the process of grief.

  3. If all else fails, I only focus on drawing things that are comforting. After the US election results came in, and I woke up to a suicide warning from a trans friend in my Twitter inbox, I took a few days off to just draw hugs and people holding hands and things that made me calm down and feel comforted.

lizm
Dec '16

Losses have fueled my storywriting and dedication to creative works for a long time now. I think the trickiest part really is figuring out what works for you -- some people need a break, some people head straight back to work, along with a million other options and none of them are any more right or wrong than others.

To me, losses are a reminder that life is short and that I want to make the most of the time I have. I believe I owe that to the people I've lost, people who were robbed of countless chances that I still have just by being alive. For many years, I never had the ability to get things done because I would always get distracted -- then my sister's unexpected death really hit me hard and exactly one year later, I began working on my comic to finally tell the story that I'd always claimed was the reason I'm alive in the first place. I felt like it was about time I began proving that to myself, proving that I was worthy of the chances I was given and despite all the hardships, I've never felt more alive. Some of the scenes I've written since then were more or less taken from all those experiences and the supportive and genuine responses I've gotten from people have been nothing short of absolutely incredible. I still would have preferred if none of those things had ever happened but knowing that every ending really can lead to a new beginning has given me a lot of strength.

Don't be afraid to take a break; if you feel like you need one, it'll help you in the long run. Don't be afraid to continue working if that's what feels right to you; take that sadness and twist it until it turns into new hope. You've taken an insanely important step by asking for advice -- that's already more than a lot of people do. You'll find a way, I'm sure of it.

Shanny8
Dec '16

I lost a close fam member earlier this year, and I found that diving into my work helped me deal with a lot of that pain. Just like @lizm said, I reflected on my own mortality and felt that energy would best be served channeling it into something to create. Not everyone is the same; if you feel you need time away from your work to heal, then by all means- do so. Process your grief if and how you need to...

MichelleAntisocial
Dec '16

First or all, I'm sorry for your loss. I've had to deal with death several times over the last year and my progress on my comic as well as other things suffered because of it...and that's ok. If you don't feel motivated right now, you don't have to power through this. It's ok to take some time off, it doesn't make you a bad artist or not a hard worker, death is just a really big deal. ..and whenever you feel ready to create again, thats fine. I ended up channeling a lot of what I'm going through into my work.. which of course doesn't work for everyone, but my story is already pretty sad.

indagold
Dec '16

well I haven't lost a loved one yet, just two of my pet bunnies in a row. They were very old and sickly. I took a break for a while and drew just to take my mind off of it. I guess that works for all mourning.

shazzbaa
Dec '16

Shoot, I'm so sorry. That's really hard.

When I lost my mom, I tried to take a month off of my comic and then jump right back in. I didn't want the comic to fall behind, and the way my schedule had slipped while she was in the hospital had really stressed me out, so I wanted to get back into it! And the thing is, I could've done it -- I was able to just throw myself into my work, even though it was hard and I was having to push through nights that were emotionally rough. But I explained to my readers later --

It wasn't the loss that convinced me, but an unrelated move to live with my grandmother a few months later that had me suddenly realising that maybe it would be best to pause the comic for a while. That's when I took my long hiatus, and it really changed how I saw everything. It had been easy to feel that I couldn't stop, but as soon as I had let go of that pressure, it seemed ABSURD that I had been kicking myself for letting the death of my mom throw me off. Being in that high pressure space had warped my ability to evaluate what I needed.

I didn't stop drawing through my hiatus, and I definitely drew a lot of stuff that reflected how I felt about that loss, but I think stepping away from the constant update cycle for several months was the best thing I could've possibly done. I'm not gonna say it's necessarily right for you, too, but if you're able to take a longer break, even if it feels scary, I really recommend it.... to at least be in a better headspace to evaluate what you need.

Some people use their work to process grief, but for me.... that process takes a lot of time. I can't channel it into my work until I've worked through it myself a little bit.

hushicho
Dec '16

Like others have said, I recommend assessing what you need before doing anything or not doing anything. I know it sounds like a no-brainer, but a lot of people dealing with grief don't take a moment, step back, and think "what do I need?" It also changes from moment to moment as we advance through the stages of grief.

I'm not going to lie, because some things you never get over. They just get easier to push back and not think about and not have to deal with right that moment. They still hurt, maybe not as much as they did, and they can still get the feeling refreshed.

Speaking personally, I'm the kind of person who needs time to deal with things gradually. If I try to deal with it all at once, I become quickly overwhelmed and just shut myself up inside, a ball of anxiety and depression and more or less shut off from the world around me. I literally need distractions so that I can deal with grief and upset, little by little.

When my partner of several years died suddenly in 2007, I felt completely lost, out to sea, adrift and unable to deal with it. I decided that I needed to focus on my creative career and process, and deal with the loss when I felt like I could. When those times came, I put everything aside and dealt with it. In this way, I was able to get myself to a functional state. But it was a very unsteady progression; sometimes I'd be working, not thinking much, for days, and then I'd hit a wall, and I'd have to deal with some feelings or thoughts or memories or some nebulous sadness that hit like a freight train. It was also the time that I learned -- perhaps exacerbated by the grief and the loss -- that I have severe anxiety. Before that point, I had never thought about it as something that was a part of my life or that I ever had to deal with. Fortunately, it's much better now, but for years it was a daily struggle.

It is something where we all have to take one step at a time, one day at a time, and sometimes it is a fight every day just to get through. I find that creating is helpful. Honestly, my most successful and longest-running work, Incubus Tales, was begun just over half a year after my loss. It was still in that year though, so a couple of years ago when it was coming to an end, I had to deal with those feelings -- I felt like I was closing the book on my last real link to that year, that time, and him. It was hard to do, but I did bring it to an end that I could be happy with (and might pick up again later!)

The most important thing is to figure out what you need, most of all, and then what you want, and what will help you get to where you'll be okay, even if only for the moment. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking as much time, space, and everything else as you need. If creating doesn't help you, then take some time off from that. You don't want to make it worse, and it is the hardest thing any of us ever has to deal with.

MoonSquid
Dec '16

You guys, all of you, thank you so much for your responses. I think part of me was still desperate for distraction from my feelings, and getting impatient with myself for even -having- feelings. I suppose the next step is trying to figure out where I am emotionally to determine what It is that I need. I felt pretty whingy making this thread, but after getting all of this amazing advice, I'm so glad I did. Again, thank you all so so much.

Aspie_Gamer
Dec '16

On the one hand, there is a school of thought that you sometimes produce your best work when you are depressed about something, but on the other hand, being depressed doesn't necessarily mean you'll actually have the clarity to give your work the amount attention it deserves. I'm sorry to hear you have lost two people near and dear to you recently. If you need to take time off of your comic to grieve, then go for it. Your readers will more than understand.

saerel
Dec '16

I have nothing useful to add, but I am sorry for your loss.