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DokiDokiTsuna
Apr '22

There's a potential novel I've been mulling about for a while, and I think one of the biggest roadblocks keeping it in the 'pre-planning' stage is that it's difficult for me to imagine what the MC's life is like, and how I would write about it...because she doesn't have many interpersonal relationships.

I considered just giving her some school-friends, maybe even some nameless background friends, but it never felt right so I don't think I'm gonna do it. I also considered giving her a sibling, but that doesn't feel quite right either...
Then there's the old standby: animal friends. ^^; But I feel like that'd be too easy/overdone...she IS interested in bird-watching, but I want that to be just a normal hobby, not like the birds are some kind of replacement for human interaction.

And on that note, she has plenty of 'hobbies' to spend her time on...for instance, the plot of the story, which is basically a part-time job for her. :T But I feel like just having her hyper-focus on these things gives off 'ah, so she is too absorbed in her work and needs to learn to care about others' vibes, when that's not the direction her character is going to go in at all. I don't want her solitude to look like a fault, like something that has to be corrected.

So now I just feel stuck. ;_; It's not that I'm unfamiliar with writing friendless characters-- I actually do it a lot, now that I think about it. But they're usually super edgy/cool/dynamic, or...well, depressed, and have issues to work through that I can use as a crutch.
But this MC is none of these things. She's just supposed to be a normal cute anime girl...normal people are already my kryptonite; a normal person with this kind of limitation is just too much for me...

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    Apr '22

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    May '22
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Stargazer31
Apr '22

Instead of animal friends, maybe give her a virtual friend, like a tamagotchi?

Kaydreamer
Apr '22

My MC's solitude is something he doesn't really enjoy, and he does get somewhat moribund about it. But I don't think he's too different, functionally, from the person you're describing.

People tend to have friends because spending time with others whose company they enjoy is one of their favourite things to do. But if it's not something she really enjoys, then a way to write that - while still making the audience aware that she's perfectly well adjusted - is by having lots of other things she enjoys doing instead. As you said, she has a lot of hobbies. Bird-watching great. Maybe she loves gardening, that can take up a whole lot of time. Same with baking, art, reading novels. All those things will fill up a life.

Something to consider as well - if someone a fairly normal, friendly person who is nevertheless a homebody, they may not have any close friends, but will still accumulate a handful of looser acquaintances, whether they intend to or not. I share the sweet things I cook with a neighbour who has quite a sweet tooth. I babysit another neighbour's dog. I recognise people on my morning walks, my barista knows my name, and the lady at the petrol station once let me get away with accidentally driving off with a tank full of fuel I forgot to pay for, because she knew I'd be back the next week. Having people like this on the periphery of her life will help a lot with making her seem grounded, and less like a 'damaged' person due to having no close friends.

This also comes with the added bonus that, if at any point in the story she needs another person to lean on, one of these characters can step up into the role of a closer friend.

TheLemmaLlama
Apr '22

Ahh yes, normal people are hard to write :'D The issue is making them boring. Even though most 'normal' people in real life have something interesting about them once you get to know them. How do you give your character an actual defining character trait without making them look weird? Maybe by making everyone else equally weird, but I guess that's hard to do if your MC is the only character you focus on in any detail.

But weird doesn't necessary have to mean dysfunctional! You can absolutely have her hyperfocus on their hobbies without inadvertantly painting it as pathological, as long as you show she's happy doing her thing and it doesn't get in the way of everyday activities (e.g. shopping). Just show her not-having-trouble with human interaction when it does come up; just because people talk to her doesn't mean they stick around and become friends - most people are too busy with their own lives to do that :'D

I might have the opposite problem in fact; my characters tend to end up having no social life outside of the main cast (and by extent no social life at all before they joined the main cast), even if they were supposed to be social people XD So if you just have MC naturally not interact with anyone, people probably won't even notice she's supposed to be a solitary person because they're attention is focused on what she is doing rather than what she's not doing :stuck_out_tongue:

NickRowler
Apr '22

So how old is your MC because that might give you different answers.

There are different levels of friendship and how old someone is can effect how people see this. But also how people look at relationships can also effect who they see as their friends.

For example, a very young child (PreK) might think all their classmates are their friends. As kids get older, they may realize that you don't really need to be besties with everyone. There are people who may still stay acquaintances and may have zero ill will but don't really want to create a close bond. However there are people who think acquaintances are their friends which can sometimes be uncomfortable if the other side doesn't feel that way.

I think it might make sense if she was a bit social awkward and was a bit to hyper-focused on her interest. You could have someone who is nice to her, like a shopkeeper who sells her birdseed or a co-worker. Someone like this would not be her close friend but would be someone who is at least nice to her. I think a pitfall some stories do is having everyone just hates the awkward person and that why the MC has no friends. When more realistically there might be people who tolerate her but are not really close enough to see movie together or hang out at a bar.

Nada
Apr '22

An mc without friends, creating a story about a lonely person could work as long as you can develop it in such a way that the readers can understand this individual, it doesn't always have to be about her daily routine, I've seen many anime with themes like that, they are simple , but well elaborated, without anything special.

If you want her to interact with someone who is not from her environment, I think it is better for her to meet someone else, the two become friends and from there you create your story, about your mc who little by little learns to relate to another . Or maybe a bird, she sees it badly injured in the street, heals it and the rest is history.

fleurravenbooks
Apr '22

Okay so first you need to decide is she happy to be alone or is she sad about that?
Some people "know how to be alone" and it doesn't bother them that they don't have friends, but she could have online friends ? Maybe from some game (it doesn't matter what kind of game) or maybe from some internet forum, if you don't want to give her "normal" friends maybe she could have co-workers or if her job makes her talk to people a lot ( coffee shop, store, anything like that) she could have customer-friend?

AlydaB
Apr '22

Honest question you should ask yourself: Why do you want to write your MC to be friendless? Is there a particular reason or direction you're shooting for with this element of her character?

There are a lot of interesting reasons a person could voluntarily choose to be alone (or involuntarily end up alone), but "normal" girls aren't friendless for no reason. Coming from a hermit who has only had a handful of friends in her life: We're social creatures, and relationships are a huge, defining part of our lives and identities, shaping our fears, desires, and motivations. All the stuff characters are built of.

DokiDokiTsuna
Apr '22
Breezy

Hm, I see we've started getting the fun responses... ^^;;;;

So...because this MC doesn't have any close friends, she has essentially lost what makes her human? Is that what you're trying to tell me? Do...you think this is an okay thing to say...???

I feel like you're coming from a sympathetic place, but your judgement of this potential story and character seems to be weighed down heavily by societal limitations on who a person without friends can be and how their story can be told.

For instance:

By 'loner archetype', do you mean that thing where the MC of a story is like a mean anime boy who 'doesn't need friends' and pushes away all the characters who try to get close to him...? Because that's what I understand of it...but that's not the only way someone who doesn't happen to have friends can behave. ^^; Like, you claim that you don't have any friends; would you consider yourself to be part of the 'loner archetype'? Why do you assume that that's what's going on here...?

Also-- just because she doesn't have friends, doesn't mean she doesn't interact with anyone. Like many people have suggested, there can definitely be 'friendly' people in her life, people she likes and is familiar with, even if they aren't close.
Her two partners in the story have such roles...I suppose the 'normal' thing to do, as a writer, would be to make them of a similar age so that they'd be likely to become friends over the course of the story. But, because I decided to make them an older teen boy and a middle-aged mother of 3...they once again kind of fall more into 'friendly' territory. ^^; Their relationship during the story will have depth and importance, but I can't see it being the kind that would extend very far beyond the work they do together, at least not at this point in MC's young life.

I see what you mean by that, but one of my philosophies as a writer is: why not?? :T If there is a real, lived human experience out there that no one has tried to include in a story, why not give it a try? Why not treat it as something that matters enough to convey to others??
This is kind of the driving force behind the idea of representation: for as long as writing has existed as a profession, writers have been told that audiences just don't want to see certain characters, that certain lifestyles just can't be entertaining or interesting. But if we listen to these voices, we'll never expand the selection of stories that future readers will get to see and relate to.

If you have ever enjoyed a story starring a character who is female, neurodivergent, LGBTQ+, disabled, older than usual, younger than usual-- thank someone who didn't listen to people who told them that their particular slice of the 'real world' didn't have any place in the 'fictional world'.

...To be honest, no. It's just the way she is. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

I have this urge to be incredibly contrarian and go "I wonder, would you be asking 'why' if I'd said 'how do you write an MC with a lot of friends'"?? But (a) I already know the answer, and (b) it's a little beside the point.

When I build characters, I often decide on traits I want based on gut instinct/dice rolls, and then the process of fleshing them out consists of finding ways to make those traits fit together. Sometimes it's frustrating and I get lost and confused...like in the OP. ^^; But it always ends up being worth the effort, and it feels more natural than tailoring a character's lifestyle to fit a certain pre-planned message or direction. I think I get more 3-dimensional characters this way.

...there is so much to unpack in this little half-sentence, I don't even know where to begin

Um, well...I guess it's technically true that there usually isn't 'no reason'; there's always a reason for why a life ends up a certain way. In my case, for instance, I think the main reasons I've never had many friends are:
(a) Aggressive neurodivergence
(b) Having never really met anyone I particularly wanted to be friends with
(c) Finding relationship maintenance incredibly draining...probably due to (b). Maybe it wouldn't be draining to keep tabs on someone I really 'clicked' with, but so far I haven't had an opportunity to find out whether that's true, so...

So yeah. There are "reasons"...but they're not really under anyone's control, and they don't mean anything in a way that could make them plot points to reckon with. That's just how the cookie crumbled. =/
Which is what makes me suspicious of the question. ^^; It feels like you expect me to rationalize her 'friendlessness' in some way, despite the fact that in many cases (like my own) there's really nothing to rationalize.

*And by the way, when I said she was normal, I meant...basically, a non-artist. ^^ I've been around long enough to know that life as a creative person is just * different *, and I was hoping to get some ideas of other things that could shape her thoughts and interests, since I can't just use my own art-obsessed life as a blueprint. Just FYI~

Okay, I feel like this just needs to be said: people can still have fears, desires, and motivations-- basically, they can still have rich inner lives that exist outside of their relationships. The fact that I've never really had any close friends doesn't make me an aimless, pointless, passionless blob with no character potential, which is why these remarks (as a response to my question) feel a little...ignorant and low-key offensive. =/

And maybe it's just me, but when I write characters, I use more than just the other people in their adventures to develop them. I incorporate their own lived experiences, their outlooks on life, their morals, their personal likes and dislikes.
Sure, the direct influence of other people can affect these things, but they don't absolutely have to. And at the end of the day, no matter how much influence in your life comes from other people, you still make your own decisions. You decide what's most important to you, and why it matters.

Basically, agency and self-determination are also things that characters happen to be built of. I...really never thought I would have to argue this. ._.

lizardlullabye
Apr '22

It is a bit difficult to advise how to write a character without knowing their conflicts/goal or what they are doing. . . .

Character A may meet character B for the first time and may treat them exactly the same, regardless if they had friends or no friends, because character B is a terrifying ghost. I guess my main point is how does the character face problems or other characters.

  • Would they ask for help or figure it out alone? * How well do they read or observe people -- not at all obvious or so much like sherlock they can dance away from drama or something else?
  • How much do they care what other people think of them?
  • Do they pet the dog?

PS. not a writer

Breezy
Apr '22
2
frgmnt

This is exactly my point. Stories that present not have any human connection as healthy are dehumanizing. Most of us need people, whether that is online friends (which are totally valid) or coworkers or family connections or something else. I've seen a lot of media that present MCs who don't need anyone: total, complete true loners. And half the time, they stay that way the entire movie/book and never make any meaningful connections and never struggle with feeling alone. That, to me, is dehumanizing. I just don't see how it can't be. It's very rare that someone can live like that and not be depressed. I mean, there are people who have schizoid personality disorder and they genuinely don't need people, but do we really need more media that says it's ok to be completely alone? This message is too common in my opinion, and I think sends the message that we don't need each other, when, if the past two years have taught us anything, it's that we do, in general, need each other. Feeling alone is an almost universal feeling and it's horrible and to present it as anything but just feels inauthentic. That might just be me bucking against my own discomfort with being alone though, cause like, yeah, maybe some people just never feel alone. It's really hard for me to understand that, because, to me, even just having one friend is significantly different than having no friends, but logically I can accept that I am wrong and that it happens.

BoomerZ
Apr '22

Going to say this is all going to based on the story you want to tell. A lonely character that doesn't have friends in not a story, that is a setting. A lonely character without friends that learns how to have friends because of a incident in her life that pushes them to interact with others is a story. The main thing is I think you are putting the cart before the horse. Your story should already be written. You should already know what you want to tell. Then you make a character to make your story interesting/different/new. Too many people try to find a story for a character, that is not how you should be doing it.

bulgariansumoRegular
Apr '22

It'd be interesting to see a character who doesn't have close relationships, but how to write that depends on what story you're trying to go for. If you're willing to elaborate more on that, maybe someone will have ideas better suited for the story you're trying to tell.

TheLemmaLlama
Apr '22
1
DokiDokiTsuna

...

... do you though? You're not exactly being any less contrarian by assuming you already know the answer. At least if you just asked the question, the other person can at least pretend it wasn't rhetorical and give their honest answer.

(I bet the answer is 'yes', because it's an incredibly common question people ask when trying to offer advice on 'how to write X'.)

Sorry, it just really bothers me when people insist they know what's going in other people's heads. (Kind of like how people insist that they know you're miserable if you have no friends, you might even say!)

@Breezy I do need deep human interactions, but that doesn't necessarily translate to needing friends. I can strike up meaningful conversations with complete strangers, and I'm satisfied with that. I'd be okay with not talking to the same person twice every again in my life XD

Breezy
Apr '22

Yeah, I accept that the world is very diverse and may be filled with lots of different kinds of people. It might be hard for me to understand, because I value most my relationships with my family (which is just about the longest term relationships you can have), but yeah, there are some people who are happy without having any friends.

Please understand though, my background is in medicine. I work with children and teenagers, and in my experience, the majority of them, particularly in the last two years, are feeling incredibly isolated and alone. Depression is ramped in that population and many of them don't understand why they are feeling the way they are. They are asking, "What's wrong with me?" I personally enjoy stories that say, "yeah, it's normal to feel alone and, yeah, life gets better when we make an effort to create meaningful and lasting relationships." This is 100% personal taste.

bulgariansumoRegular
Apr '22

I know I already posted, but I keep thinking of ideas, and wanted to put them here in case they help.

Action/Adventure Series
This is easy. You don't really have to have other characters. The adventure can carry the story. And even if you do choose to have other characters, they don't necessarily have to be close to the main character. A movie like Spirited Away illustrates this. Or this other one where a boy was stuck in the woods and had to survive (I don't remember the name)

Non-Action/Adventure Series
A personal goal is a good place to start. It doesn't have to be a big one. She could want to maintain a farm, clocktower, or lighthouse, spending most of her time alone, but having mini adventures while doing her job/hobby. Maybe she drives a bus or does bartending, some sort of job where she comes into contact with other people without necessarily getting close to them.

The goal doesn't have to be job-related either. It could be something more personal, like wanting to get over a fear or wanting to attain some kind of power. But knowing what she does in her day-to-day life helps shape those more internal goals/conflicts. There's so many possibilities!

Ordinaryaverageguy
Apr '22

I'm not sure if I'm getting on the same wavelength as you are on but I can see how it may be difficult to write a story about a person who is really ordinary & not involved in interpersonal drama, etc. I wouldn't know what to write about them without it seeming to be just a diary & a rather uninteresting one at that. What is her story? What will draw readers in or surprise them? (I understand you may have answers to the questions that you'd prefer to not reveal at this time.)

AlydaB
Apr '22
1
DokiDokiTsuna

Oof. I don't think I conveyed what I meant well at all if this is how you interpreted what I said. Sorry for any misunderstanding.

I should clarify that I don't think there's anything wrong with writing a friendless character and they can be just as interesting as those with friends. My favorite fictional character of all time actually spends a decade of his life living alone in the woods, entirely disconnected from society, and these sections of his life story are just as compelling to me as when he's surrounded by people.

Furthermore, I really don't exaggerate when I call myself a hermit. I live a solitary life, but I'm considered (by myself, co-workers, family) a very happy, optimistic, functional, 'normal' person, and I've found ways to live a meaningful life without close friends. I don't intend to invalidate friendless people; I am one lol. I am intimately aware of what it is to be friendless and what that life looks like, so I know also that people don't choose it (or fall into it) for no reason at all, and it deserves to be handled with honest thought.

If this thread was titled "how do you write an MC with a lot of friends" I would still ask you 'why' (tangent: In this case, I'd argue that one shouldn't throw in a bunch of friend-characters for no reason, every choice should contribute to characterization, which should contribute to the overall story; I believe good stories cut out as much arbitrary filler as possible). I ask you these questions because I think as writers we should always question why we make the choices we do with regards to our stories and characters. Being thoughtful and conscious of what you're doing helps you create a more coherent, effective story, so I've always advocated asking 'why' constantly as a creator.

I stand by what I said, and hope that this comment clarifies my meaning a little; I really do believe there's always a reason for everything (and, especially, should be when you're writing a story), and that deciding on some believable reasons for why MC is friendless will help you understand her better as your protagonist, how her friendlessness will play into the story, and how it'll shape her character arc and direct her story.

Even if you don't intend it to be a huge defining part of her character with emphasis placed on it, most fictional characters do have friendships. There are entire genres built around interpersonal relationships, so your MC not having friends will immediately set her apart and change the tone/direction of the story whether that was your intention or not. For example, I've noticed that stories featuring solitary protagonists tend to be slower-paced, more contemplative, and center around a similar set of themes. This kind of main character type lends itself to certain stories and tones, so my question is simply: What are you wanting to write, and how does your MC tie into it?

True, true. I don't mean to say that relationships are the only part of our lives that shape us, only that they're an undeniably significant one. Didn't intend to offend. Again, I am one of these solitary people but I'm fairly confident I'm not an aimless, pointless, passionless blob with no character potential either. :')

Going back to the main question of this thread, "how do you write an MC with no friends", I still think you first need to ask yourself "why". Why are they friendless and what purpose does this serve in the story? There are a ton of ways you could write a friendless MC. Knowing what exactly you're aiming for, and what kind of story you want to write, will be helpful to you in determining how you're going to approach writing this character.

Also agree with BoomerZ that creating an MC before knowing your story is like putting the cart before the horse, and that a lonely character is a setting, not a story. Hard to advise before getting more information.

xkdeSskf
Apr '22

I feel that writing a mc with no friends may be a little hard, but maybe you can elaborate on how their life is(I did some experiment and asked my friends to leave me alone for some time). It also depends on the mc him or herself. Do they just like to be alone or do they try to make friends but people still don't be friends with them.
I feel that focusing on the mental state of the person might help you write out something unique. What is loneliness to you?