"How introverts make friends"

[DokiDokiTsuna]

"An extrovert found them, liked them, and adopted them."

^I just saw this meme again for the first time in almost a year and I suddenly remembered how much I HATE it. Like, it sounds cute, but the line between "cute" and "patronizing" is rather thin. =_=

INTROVERTS ARE NOT CHILDREN. We're not pets, we're not ornaments; we're fully-functioning human beings who just happen to function a little differently than you do! I WISH people would respect that.

What angers me even more than the meme itself is the fact that there are so many introverts who agree with it! I understand that an extroverted friend can do things for you that you might be uncomfortable with, but that doesn't mean that they've adopted you. Don't promote that kind of thinking!

Adoption implies a hierarchy, as in, a lesser being needing the care of a superior other (especially in this case). And I can't imagine staying friends with anyone who thought of our relationship in that way. I wouldn't want to "make friends" with someone who doesn't see me as an equal.

...Oh, uh, I suppose this topic could also be used to discuss how introverts actually make friends, which is a subject I know nothing about. ^^;

[Kittosaurus]

Honestly... it's a meme so I would take it with a grain of salt. While yes I do agree that the media perpetuates a misunderstanding of what an introvert is ( we're not all shy here ), I don't think you should let it effect your day soo much.

Introverts make friends the same way that everyone else does! It's not some hidden secret. As an introvert I will say it is harder to keep friends- as they may not understand that a roaring Friday night for you is often just staying in an watching Netflix or reading a good book.

[DiegoPalacios]

Here is one way:

(introverted who likes doing Y sees person doing Y) oh, you like Y?

Person 2:.....yeah

(if Y can be done together)
Wanna do Y?

Person 2: sure...

Start doing Y and bond over doing Y.

(If Y can`t be done together)

Starts talking about Y and bond over liking Y.

[HollowEve]

Personally, I'd put the second line as 'They grow them', since I see making friends as something that takes time and attention.
It may still sound bad, like an introvert had to frankenstein a friend to have one, but I think it applies to my view on friendship. (though, I don't have many friends and am not to great at keeping them)

[DokiDokiTsuna]

At least that view puts the introvert in an active role, not as someone who's waiting to be rescued. Like, in this version of the meme there was a small portion of the graph that said "pets count as friends".

I have no problem with that. You BET pets count as friends!

[c0ldw1nter]

First time seeing this "meme", but i get the feeling whoever thought of this just threw in "adopted" so it would sound kind of funny. It doesn't, but I see some truth in it. To be honest, as an introvert I don't know any ways of making friends apart from having that extroverted friend who acts like a link between me and those other social circles. And if there's no such friend, you're stuck until you get out of your comfort zone, do something idiotic like talking to random people, get hurt and ignored countless times, so that maybe one day someone will stay friends with you.

[Jenny-Toons]

I feel it's more about "how to keep friends". I'm kinda introverted myself, and honestly, it can be hard to keep friends. Making them is not trouble for me because I like to surround myself with people I feel I would hang out with in the first place.

But I'm not really the type to go out all the time. I don't mind going out, but often enough, someone else has to plan it or I just prefer to go out alone. It's something I've gotta improve in myself, but I'm getting there.

As for the meme -- eh, I don't really let it get to me. I never really saw it as a patronizing thing. Maybe I'm just not that fazed, but it felt more along the lines of the mom friend who just wants to take care of everyone.

You know how people say "have parents who suck? That's ok, I'LL be your parent -- come to me with anything you need help with"

I read it more like that. Course, it does kinda imply that introverts are incapable of seeking out friendships. But I felt it more implied having that friend who's actively being supportive or something.

Not that your concern isn't valid, because you can get people who think that way and feel like they're saving people. But I feel it's generally good intentions phased kinda weirdly

[Freemints30]

The meme is just a joke. Very few take it seriously, just laugh , chuckle or snark that's what it is like the Funny and recent AI-bot meme. However I my self have encountered people who as soon as I realize I not much of a talker they proceed to try act like they are walking on egg shells, around me. I appreciate the thought, but I rather they don't immediately start with "Are you shy?" "why are you so quiet?" questions which simply make me feel like I'm cornered. I'm glad they are concerned but their better ways.

As cheesy as it is to make friends you just talk about what interests you

[joannekwan]

-Raises hand-

I'm actually one of those introverts that will agree with the meme. I will say though that there is more gray area and there are levels of extrovertedness even within introverts and vice versa.

Case study: my college friend group.
At our last meeting we were thinking back on how we all became friends. Long story short, we traced it back to the one overtly extroverted girl in our group. She made friends with 2 people during orientation and hung out with them when school started. She then bonded with another group of 3 people–high school friends (via one person whom they shared a new class with), and then another person, my then roommate whom I knew as we went to the same high school together (so that's how I was roped in). Finally after this group was established, we started hanging around one of our guy's room and with our varying levels of extrovertedness, pulled in his roommate completing our merry band.

The initial meme is a joke after all, I don't take much offense to it.

[DokiDokiTsuna]

I had "that one extroverted friend" when I was in high school, and to be honest it can be even more embarrassing than having no one.
They kept on trying to "link" me to other social circles as you described, but I was rarely even interested in any of the people they introduced me to. And after each awkward conversation I'd feel an extra dose of shame for "failing" the friendship opportunities that they handed to me with good intentions.

I'm not saying it couldn't work for someone else. That's just how my experience went.

[LordVincent]

Speaking as an adult who will soon apply to be adopted by the man I see as my dad (who is not my biological father, but has been my father figure since before I was able to form memories), adoption doesn't imply hierarchy at all. It's a sign of care, and implies a social bond.

I also adopted my cat a bit less than a year ago. A rescue cat who had to be taken away from his previous home where he was horribly neglected. Once again, has nothing to do with power or hierarchy. It is a matter of wanting to form a bond with this cat that we both benefit from, but where he happens to depend a bit more on me with some things.

The same goes for that meme. An introvert does often (not always) depend on the extrovert friend making moves or suggestions early on in the relationship. And for many introverts, that is a relief! To not have to go out of their way to figure out the social quirks of when and how to do what things to move the friendship forward in the early stages. It can help them relax and truly enjoy the friendship that is starting to form.
That is why many introverts actually like the meme, and probably why the meme was created. Because many introvert-extrovert besties will see it, relate and think that it's cute.

[lartianmartian1]

Hahaha, I had an extroverted friend just like that (emphasis on had)! To her I was a "project", how fucking patronizing... pardon my language.

To be fair though, this was back in college, when I struggled to connect with most anyone. And there were plenty of other extroverts I met who were so not the pitying type, and treated me like any other human being. Those guys were awesome! But nowadays, the friends I really stuck with are all introverts too, and it's pretty great. We talk or hang out whenever our schedules coincide (which can take months, don't get me wrong), or when one of us is feeling particularly high or low about something. Or when wishing each other a happy birthday or what have you. Otherwise, we're just fine on our own.

I like being an introvert with fellow introvert buddies

And I guess I'd say making friends for folks like us just takes time. For me, it really helped being away from home and amongst strangers for the first time, forcing me to interact or die, as it were. Luckily, some of those strangers shared my interests and we just clicked.

[Kittosaurus]

I like this point of view and it actually makes a lot of sense to me. My boyfriend and I are both quite introverted and we are both only children, but we have developed very close friendships with childhood friends that feel much more like family than most of our extended family ever has.

[Freemints30]

Ya I can agree with the depending on a more social friend. My 2 friends from high school and currently collage were pretty much ones getting me to do anything social. They weren't extroverts(in fact they were pretty introverted, not shy), they just were more social than me.

[joannekwan]

I had "that one extroverted friend" when I was in high school, and to be honest it can be even more embarrassing than having no one.

Hahaha, I had an extroverted friend just like that (emphasis on had)! To her I was a "project", how fucking patronizing... pardon my language.

Honestly those aren't friends at all. A real friend respects your boundaries and know (or can be taught and retains) what you'd be okay with or not.

My extroverted friend whom I mentioned earlier IS outgoing and engages with lots of people, she might go to a party or two with her other friends who are into that sort of thing, but never would she drag me into it. Around me and her other introverted peeps, she's down to just chill and hang out.

[DiegoPalacios]

They kept on trying to "link" me to other social circles as you described, but I was rarely even interested in any of the people they introduced me to. And after each awkward conversation I'd feel an extra dose of shame for "failing" the friendship opportunities that they handed to me with good intentions.

Friendship is not something that can be forced, you shouldn`t feel ashamed. Sometimes we click with certail people and other times we dont.

I once had an extroverted friend who did a smarter approach to help her friends befriend each other. She usually comment to both of them about one of their common interests and then she goes somewhere else to get them to talk now that they know they both share an interest, instead of just getting them in the same room and expecting the magic of friendship to flourish.

[HGohwell]

The meme is all wrong, in actual fact its the introvert who picks the extrovert and allows them to believe they adopted us so we may infiltrate their society without suspicion (just don't tell them that).

Ok jokes and memes aside that you shouldn't really take seriously, there's is a big problem that introverts in media are seen as something to be fixed and with an introvert/extrovert friendship pair, they're almost always stories about the extrovert "saving" the introvert and fixing their shyness.

And it happens in real life too. Introverts (and not being social twenty-four seven in general) I recently had a (ex) bestfriend who got offended because I didn't want to go out every single day of the group holiday and that I struggled to spend a lot of time with the entire group because once it was more than three or four of us things got loud and excitable overwhelming and exhausting for long periods of time and I had to go back to my hotel room. (What made it worse was that the first time it happened she told the newer friends that it was their fault and they'd upset me.) She claimed she understood I was an introvert and that she was too, and yet got mad at me when I needed time to recharge and acted like my wanting to recharge and chill was causing her to not be able to hang out with our friends, as if she had to baby sit me. This sort of attitude is a problem.

Making friends isn't the hard bit really but I agree it's harder to keep friends with this idea that friends should always be together, should always share the interests and can't do anything without each other. Even people who say they understand often don't.

[Kittosaurus]

The meme is all wrong, in actual fact its the introvert who picks the extrovert and allows them to believe they adopted us so we may infiltrate their society without suspicion (just don't tell them that).

LOL that made my day!

[dawgofdawgness]

I think that little meme was the most accurate thing when I saw it actually I’ve always been an introvert (except for in elementary school. I was a total player) And being one does make it difficult to make friends (especially in a place where you know nobody). And honestly, sometimes extroverts save your life. My best friend is an extrovert, and we became friends since she was the one who went up to me in middle school. She was the one who really boosted up my self esteem.
Also I think little quotes like these are really nice to have around! It means that there’s a community of introverts you belong to that understand what your struggles are like. I’m pretty sure the quote was made by an introvert but who knows ¯_(ツ)_/¯

[keii4ii]

The problem is when people conflate 'introverted' with 'shy.' They're not the same thing at all, although some individuals may be both. I know introverted people who are not shy; I also know extraverted people who are shy, or otherwise socially anxious/averse (from what I've seen, some of those people self-identify as introverted, and I'm like, no... you genuinely love hanging out with people; you just dislike most people in your life).

I don't have too much difficulty making new friends on my own when I want to make new friends. I just rarely want that.