I will give you tips for your Novel/Comic. + a little bonus ;0 (Closed, for now)

[sams_cartoon_shack]

I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts about my comic strip:

Read The Shapes | Tapas Web Comics

[Todoyama]

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[Todoyama]

I accidentally read the last chapter, which by the way had me flabbergasted, only the writing amazed the soul out of me, I do prefer a story with good writing, rather than an amazing story with bad writing, this is an example of "don't judge a book by the cover" (Before you say anything, I've read the first three and the last one).

Cons: I would've liked more introduction from chapter two, and not only a scene of two characters talking.
Chapter with a bit more of action I think should pick up a few more readers.

Pros: You could change the pacing up a bit, do more in less time, in other words, try multi-tasking your comic.
You have used a small introduction for every chapter and that was kind' of it.

Observations: I like the overall idea of the story, it really reminded me of Apple and Onion, a cartoon that I was watching a few years back, which I found really entertaining just as your comic.

[Todoyama]

Another person with a Light Novel, I see, I will have to be a lil' rough on you too (It's just love from another Novel writer, please don't curse me ;(

Cons:

Pros: The story starts right when the main character wakes up, I find that a really safe and simple start, nothing like "Noo, Ji-won had been knocked out with a single punch, can he wake up, will he wake up?!" (Sometimes I like these kind of openings, but you have to be a little bold to do something like that, since you offer your readers a spoiler for free).

Cons: After the start of the story had been said, you've stretched out her morning a bit too much, a small summarize of her taking a bite of a toast, kissing her sister on the forehead and leaving would have been enough.
The explanations are somewhat too much for me, I feel like this type of detail could only work for comics (I do that sometimes too, writing too much detail by accident). Instead of it, you could detail her main feeling overall and act more on the story, rather than on the explications.
One last thing that bothered me a little bit was the lack of characters, I already knew by the synopsis of the story who will be the main character, now what...? I already know that her classmates will be filler characters, but a character introduction just like full metal alchemist would be perfect, or Lookism (I hope you know these anime's).

The first mistake from the screenshot is that you made your own written character be like the "cool and main character one" vibe around her, "unwillingness to tolerate disrespect", this type of words for her should be used indirectly, you have to create moments that should tell you "Daaaayum, she really is a though one, huh?", and not just write her actions direcly, you have to make the readers think that about her.

Observations: Really unique story, great writing, after seeing that you entered a contest with this story I tried finding every mistake I could find and just stick with it, I don't usually do this, but I know this story is very important to you, that's why I tried helping you in every way. Overall a good binge series, well done. :3

[Todoyama]

Hey, nice to see you again (I have reviewed your story a few months ago, in a thread that I made with reviews, and because of that, I will be a little bit more fixated on the mistakes (just to be fair for the others

Pros: Adding Easter eggs from your own life is a really nice detail for the readers who take your comic seriously (the readers find an original way to find more about your personal life). I saw that you love horror movies, It, Friday the 13Th, Scream, (nice taste) and maybe you showed a little bit of yourself in the comic (that you work a lot overnight, and you work a part job... while working on your comic? (I hope I got that right, at least that is what I got from it ;(

Cons: I didn't really like that we don't know nothing about nothing from the first chapter, only that somehow our character transformed into a blood thirty half human or he was a part-time vampire?
I won't talk nothing about the text, since I think you wanted it to be a Manwha.
The thing is that we don't know who is he, why is he doing what he's doing, what is his goal, we just have a start and we have to get used to it until the next chapter is out (I am saying this as an example, just like someone waits for the next episode of a series).

(This was for the prologue)

For chapter 1

Cons: Maybe that is how some people do it, but I, as a reader, I don't really like the (x) amount of space left between the panels, It just feels empty (again, maybe other people like it like that, but I, personally, am not a huge fan of it.

Pros: We found out how he wants to live: Felix wants to be left alone, he feels more comfortable like that.
We have found out that he doesn't like working in that working place, just zoning out, waiting for the time to pass.
The cliffhanger of the sudden character introduction (maybe main character) in the end of the chapter left the reader wanting to know Felix's origins.

Observations: I just now, after writing all that, went trough my small brain that the Prologue was the story happening after something bad happened to Felix (I am guessing chapter 2-3), so... imagine that I wrote all this without knowing that, cheers.

[Todoyama]

Very catchy start, interesting beginning...

Cons: Aubert is a spell-user but from the Novel cover we may think that he is a magician...
The origins straight off the bat in the chapter two wasn't really needed, if you would've gone directly to the placement of where Aubert lives, who he knows, what more is he doing, or just his ships around the world, it would be much better

Pros: The writing is good, no unnecessary details, just as needed, but a tiny bit more detail on his powers would be much appreciated.

Observations: If you can or want, you should make Aubert a some kind of magician (as a hobby maybe, for example) or change the cover to avoid confusion, just like I was confused myself.
Overall good story, unique and neat writing, ;3

[Todoyama]

I will review your comic only (I wrote in the title, only one story per entry, sorry ;( (and because it's the first posted in your comment)

Pros: Somehow you made your own show to be a binge show, no information about the characters at all, about the place, no nothing, just some small actions, I think you are the first story I've ever seen to do this kind of thing, but still be really enjoyable, which is really hard (nice job).
I really like the vast character design, if really feels like your characters are out of place, which I really love, but knowing a few traits about them in the early chapters would've been great too.

Cons: You have made the story so that your characters tell the story for you (The story follows a kid, who has a not that cool dad, not caring about his child, we know that the father of August doesn't really care about his work and about his son (being careless) and we have some out of place character introduction (the black monster, I forgot his name, sorry [it's not a character, but still, it really feels out of place if you don't have an explanation later]). We know that the kid loves his father and can have his distraction taken away easily (my guess).
I don't really like the lack of action in the chapters too, in the first few chapters only small slice of life, tiny actions have happened, nothing that we could need (but it's still okay)

Observations: The story is a really "binge" chapter, I read a few chapters of yours since they were really short, but I must say that the art is well done

[Todoyama]

Mysterious start, where did Leiyu come from, what is her goal, who is she searching for...

Pros: I love the way you colored you story, it fades with the background, but the thing is that if you don't stay consistent with this style, in the future chapters, readers could think that you're just trying out things.
I liked how wanted to point out who the main characters will be, but I feel like it was too pushy (and obvious)
One last thing here is that, you integrated the "origins" of Leiyu really well, it really filled the dialogue there, at the campfire.

Cons: I don't really like that you made (almost four) chapters just for meeting (and getting to know better) the princes-.... (I won't give away the spoiler for those who didn't read until that part), I think you could have done much more for those three chapters.
I didn't like how you used a bit too much effects in chapter two, simple is better, trust me.
I saw that you changed your way of drawing a little bit, you wanted to use more things, just to test some stuff out, it's okay in my opinion, I test things out too in my drawing sometimes, but the sudden changes can make some upset faces between the readers.
The absence of the pacing is a huge problem in your story (but I still liked reading it), you should add a little bit of more action (not James Bond type of action, more like "The hangovers" type of action, the pacing that happens way to quick is a small problem, but the small pacing is a huge problem.
One last thing here that bothered me a little bit was the amount of chapters that were used for the "origins" part, one or maximum two should have been enough, four entire chapters is a high risk for you, that the readers will just skip by it, and we do not want that.

Observations: I just want to point out I have no deal with the drawing whatsoever, this is my opinion as a critique, I only write ;(. If anything, please contradict me, if I mentioned something wrong. :3

[Todoyama]

I don't know if you are really serious about your series or if you have made it for fun (I just want to point that out, since I don't want to be that harsh if it is a serious just for fun), but I think it's made for fun, if that's it, my opinion is:

Cons: The main character, Dan isn't really likeable, he just wants revenge, he has to remember that revenge isn't the only option, the real revenge is the revenge of yourself to become the best version of yourself.
The pacing is pretty fast for me, at least, I was hoping for more explanation for Dan's revenge (he gets bullied and that's all, just verbal abuse, something else could be interesting, something unique maybe would be cool if you have added).
You overpowered your own characters, a character that can walk around with a thousand kilograms just like a granny holding a basket it's not that neat, plus Dan will have to fight him, so...
I would've liked to know a bit of introduction to the villains before Dan would fight them

Pros: The art is good, but the lines and the sketches could seem messy for some people, cleaner is better, I say.
Dan's reactions and emotions are well made but It would've been really neat if he had other feelings too, compassion for example, happiness, not just anger and rage.

Observation: Neat story, I hope Dan can find forgiveness in his heart somewhere, deep down, and to forgive sometimes too.

[Todoyama]

Oooh, another contestant, if you accidentally read something down below, I'm pretty harsh, especially on the people that participate in contests (especially the writers) so keep that in mind :3

Cons:

This part of the synopsis is not really needed, we don't know what the story is, but we know that two people love each other... not my breadcrumb to be honest. I know that the story is mainly is based around these two manly people loving each other, but it doesn't seem professional in my opinion, saying that before the whole synopsis.
- The pacing in the first chapter was a bit slow, we meet a person in a small, almost phantom village, and we are introduced to an old man who knows (a little bit, I think) our main character, about an exorcizing gig and after that they go into a cavern to get over with the job that was the main characters duty as a shaman (tell me if I'm wrong with this).

Pros: The character introduction was unexpected, we meet the second main character in the cavern from the earlier chapter, that he seemed to know our Noah, but why was he there...

Observations: I'm sorry about falling down in ranks ;( , I am not really into these type of love stories, but I still did find it quite enjoyable, no joke the writing and the story are well made, great choosing of words.
P.S: Maybe next time you will get top five if you take out something else like this, who knows ;3

[Todoyama]

Centris, a medieval setting based story.

Pros: The story flows really good, you used more details, letting the "narrator" of the story, tell us, everything that us, the readers should know, I really like that, but I didn't quite catch the shift in the character's dialogues.

Cons: The name drops are a big trouble in your chapter, you cannot expect the readers to learn them one by one, right at the start of the story (or close to it).
- One more thing would be the constant action, you are not letting the reader learn with you, if feels like you are putting the story on a plate and you are telling the readers to eat while you are preparing the next meal, you should let the readers get a small taste-taste from the food that you are making.

Observations: If I'm somewhat wrong, please tell me, this is my own opinion late at night, maybe I'm just tired or something, but I've read your chapter two times and I still have the same conclusions.

[midnightsun]

Thank you so much for the tips! This is really helpful. I’m curious about one thing: did you read on desktop or mobile? I’ve noticed that the space between panels looks wayyy too long on desktop but not as bad on mobile. I remember you mentioning that in your last review and I plan on changing the spacing when I go back to edit. Thanks again for your help!

[Todoyama]

A story with spirits, the first one that I've seen from this thread.

Cons: The pacing is going too fast, from the scolding from home, to meeting the spirits outside, wandering around the city, to something happening... (I won't spoil) to coming back home. I was expecting a little bit more detailing, rather than a whole day of a character.

Pros: The story feels like it is writing itself, but be aware of the so-called "cliche" writing, you don't want to over-use types of dialogues like the dialogue with the parents and so on... (I did not say that you did, but you were really really close to doing it).

Observations: So slowed down pace, more awareness for the dialogue parts and a bit more monologue won't hurt anyone, but keep in mind that it's a very readable story, I appreciate someone that does this kind of thing, instead of trying to detail every single thing (I like both ways, but the way you did it is more bold), nicely done. ;3

[Todoyama]

Not a problem at all, anytime ;3 . I have read it on my computer, the space between some panels was between "a whole screen" and almost half of a screen worth of blank space.

I remember you mentioning that in your last review and I plan on changing the spacing when I go back to edit.

Really? I thought it was the first time I was telling you this, oh well, maybe my brain really wanted you to put that in plan as fast as possible : D

[Todoyama]

Really cute story, but since you have just started this story I won't bother you with dialogue, monologue, pacing, I will just enjoy the story and take out tiny tiny mistakes:

Cons: In the last panel from episode 6 (or close to the last panel) Tart and Treat Cherry unfused then fused back just like that, "poof" just to take the amulet, I wonder...

Pros: The art style is really good, I love the unique vibe to it, you really just went with it and you continued with this kind of art style, really appreciable in my opinion.

Observations: If this is your first story, it's really crazy, it just has a different vibe, cute, combined with Steven Universe (if you know the cartoon), nicely done, I hope you will keep us updated tho! ;3

[caffeinatsun]

Thank you so much!! I have no idea what to do with synopses ‍ so that’s great, very usable feedback for me

I was trying to cram the “hook” into the fewest words possible so that it would show up as part of the blurb on the first line on the contest page 🤡🤡🤡

Seems like my first few chapters could definitely use some clarifying and revision!

Thanks for your time and the encouragement, I really appreciate it 🏼

(update: I fell off the rankings because my story was taken down in a what tapas support called a glitch 🤡🤡🤡 they re-enabled it so I exist on the ranking again, freaked out a little prematurely durrrrr whoops)

[ArtGremlin]

Thanks! Yes, more stuff will be explained later ^^ also his dad will be redeemed.

[Todoyama]

Vampire brothers...

Pros: I like the kept up pace between the words and the reactions, you make it look like the characters think before they say something, very cool detail. Still a mention about the words, I saw a one or two cursing's being dropped there, which I did not find suitable for Landon (but not a mistake, only a small observation).

Cons: I like that you've put monologue here and there, but this time it was a little bit too much, you left a little bit too much for the monologue to tell the story, instead of letting the story evolve with us, the readers, reading it.

Observations: The story is easily readable, if I am not mistaken' I may think that you put some things from real life in your story (political votes (maybe), other races being thrown' to the corner by society).

[kingtubz7]

Please! Would love the feedback

Read Dimensional Detective :: The Unknown Phenomenon | Tapas Novels

[Kuma]

Thank you so much for the feedback, I'll have it in mind. You read Chapter 0 I'm guessing.