May 2024
18 / 29
May 2024
May 2024
Todoyama
May '24
warden

Power-Hungry.

I have been reading your series before you re-made it, so I hope you appreciate it ^^

The events for the first chapter are very foggy, heading us right into the action, where two friends (maybe?) run from what I think is a group of maybe more people, trying to survive.

One thing that I didn't quite like was the way you explained one thing in the Pilot

Explanation like this are not allowed if you want to be professional, you have to make the readers understand what the object/item is and where is it coming from (context: Pilot)

Second Pilot:

*For this, I really like the art, the shadowing looks like a character made with clay in real life, which I find smooth.

One thing that bothered me was that in both episodes, the readers can't understand what is going on, which leads to less readers and less engagement.

More action (DOES NOT) lead to a more interesting story. Sometimes you just have to sit back and just think it out entirely. I would suggest to take more time to write one single episode and use more of your time to draw the chapters (I'm saying this from experience, I used to hurry my drawings because I had no patience... don't do the same thing as me)

More inner monologue would be a lot helpful if you don't really want to introduce dialogue everywhere for the readers to understand. Me, as a reader, would be grateful for that, and I think the other readers too.

Been a little rough on this you, but only because I see that you really try, even re-made your series

warden
May '24
Todoyama

I appreciate it, ty for the feedback :)! The part with the building was something I was criticized on previously as well and meant to fix, so I may remove it in the future [I kept it there as a reminder so I wouldn’t make the same mistake in future episodes]. I noticed that the pacing was off for both episodes which might’ve been due to the fact that I draw on a smaller canvas [800x3840, or two panels, or basically :sweat_smile:] & when WT + Tapas resized it it shrunk panels that were previously bigger than it originally was, so I’ll try to keep that in mind when I’m test reading. Readability seems to be my most reoccurring issue so I’ll keep that in mind when it comes down to episodes as well :slight_smile:‍:arrow_up_down:️!

Todoyama
May '24
mg_xiii

"Godly Masks of False Immortality"

Interesting Fantasy setting, but a bit too slow-paced for me. In my own idea, there should be a thing where you play with the information and the story progress as equals. I preferably go more towards the "story-progression" point, but I saw one of your tags to be "Slow-pacing" so I understand it. Be careful, too much information drop right from the start will cause a bit of boredom for the readers. (There is not a problem if you like explaining things this way, you can do however you want, but this is only my point).

For the rest, just as the Novel before, I can see that you are a person with high vocabulary, from the way you play with the words in complex ways.

There isn't much that I can say; The way your words just flow out and the way you put them already tells me that you know what you're doing with it.

The story is intriguing, reminded me of "Percy Jackson" and his adventures, for some reason >:slight_smile:

Todoyama
May '24
SirCoockie

Second time reviewing your story and I hope this may help you a lot more than the last time ^^.

The font is a bit too big for the panel, which causes the panels to go out of the paper.

I am not a manga creator, but I don't think that this should happen.

There are a few sentences where there are grammatical issues, but it happens, because everyone is human, so this is just a slight mistake.

One last thing I would suggest is to invent names and not choose real ones for cities; It's a fictional story so it doesn't really fit to use real names for it.

Todoyama
May '24
wolfgeminie

The font for the text is really eye-catching, but the first chapter seems to really be different from the other chapters.

First mistake is to cut out a drawn character:

Second mistake is to base your main characters as 3D characters, entirely

Todoyama
May '24
Chocolate

"Larvae"

Second time reviewing this, so here we go --

I like the used colors, but one of the things that don't really match them was the used font for the background SFX (I am talking about the brush and it's color, just simple typing with good font should be enough):

And for the rest, I wouldn't change anything.

mg_xiii
May '24
Todoyama

Thank you for you feedback. Yes, I’m a person who likes making a lot of world building to not leave plot holes, but in general I did this because the latter chapters will be only about battles and fighting. I’m trying to find a good balance of both, but maybe that’s the thing I lack as a beginner author. I’ll try to work on it.
I like that the story reminded you of Percy Jackson, basically this was a fanfiction in the PJO world that I rewrote after a long session of studying anatomy and 3 Red Bull.
Again, thank you so much.

Todoyama
May '24
morganicfoods

One thing that I noticed was the way you are not explaining to the readers what is happening exactly, just like the other reviewed stories, your story introduces directly into a pace of an already started story. A bit of a background would help me a lot and other readers to understand what was happening.

A recommendation would be to introduce the characters, the pacing and what can we expect from the second episode.

One thing that bothered me was the contrast for a few pages.

This one is an example of which I think that the contrast was too lowered (or maybe I'm dumb and that's just the brush xD)

For the rest, I like the way of using the "fused-panels" in different aspects, really clever, and the art looks good <:slight_smile:

Todoyama
May '24

The story starts off directly into the action, into which I think is a war setting? (maybe?)

There wasn't very much explanation for the world around or the development of the characters that play a part for the first chapter.

One last thing that I noticed is that the story started out too abruptly and the first chapter ended in a cliffhanger, which is really good as a build-up for the next chapter.

miyaskya
May '24

Here's my new novel if you're interested. It is the sequel to my other novel Grand Epic Elemental.
Since Chapter 1 is mainly a recap of events from the first novel, you may want to review Chapter 2 instead.