Hi everyone! I saw that a bunch of new creators made their way around here, and I want to check your stories out, and give you guys a feedback that may be helpful.
The only rule to get your story reviewed is to sub to my Novel (Easy, right? :>
Link:
Tags: Adventure, Fantasy, Comedy
Here is my latest review post for anyone interested in how I review the stories.
May '24
May '24
First things first, I like the way of starting the story of in a "cliffhanger". It sent me directly into the pace of action and mystery (good move).
Since it's a story of survival, it will be an interesting review.
"Reach Breach in memory"
The story sets off with a girl named "Bella" who found herself in a forest all alone, not knowing how did she get there. As the story progresses, "Vera" the voice inside her head appeared, which helped her to survive and motivate her to keep going.
What I have found interesting is that the "voice" inside her mind is mysterious... Is it really an unknown voice that she was born with? Was it an illness? Or is it a friend of the forest?
Towards the end of the first chapter, she stumbles upon a cabin of a "mid-fifty" year old fisherman. The fisherman seemed to know her name, but for an unknown reason, he didn't want to help her entirely.
One question that I asked myself while reading the first chapter, is, why did Bella run after the fox? What made her think it was a good idea (to run after her), or why was it a bad idea (to let her go)?
I saw the way that you've put a few words after the sentences, which I guess is to outline the dialogue for Bella? If that's the case, then it's original and well done.
*Some last things that I noticed, were the "repetition" of the words, I think that it could be the way that the voice of "Vera" is talking? (it would be interesting). The last thing would be the explaining of the events:
The way she panicked when a (simple?) storm was coming wasn't explained entirely.
When she walked for two days, how did she survive? What did she do two days, she kept walking? Did she eat anything or drink anything in that time, or her survival instincts made her continue?
Overall interesting start, and quite catchy, but be careful with when you introduce the dialogue, you could maybe outline it more to avoid confusion (I am not saying you should, but i would be safer, in a way).
appreciated the advice u gave last time that helped me improve so i don’t mind anymore feedback that i can keep in mind for future eps :)!
Ok you should get a notification soon. I’d appreciate a review on my novel whenever you have the time. Here it is:
Dragtagon.
Ven is a 16 year old High school kid with "pointy ears", for which he got bullied and goes through different existential issues with it (It would be awesome if I would have them).
One thing I noticed is that the "items" are taken from real life, for a "fictional" story, I (PERSONALLY) prefer if there not be brand names or food names put in a fantasy Novel.
Another thing I noticed is the way you "introduce" the information. Instead of narrating it, you could come up with clever ways of the characters saying the information you want to be told to the readers.
The way that you are telling your story is good, and I can see that you are a "read person", but one of the things that bothered me is the "drama-drop" right from the start (from the Pilot).
Your story is set. The characters are presented, but not developed (a neat way of doing it is to drop the information in the dialogue).
The "filler" Pilot is a bit too long and it may cause readers to lose interest a little bit (not actually losing, but there would be a high chance because there was no information given about the goals of the character, where the story could go, and what future actions will happen). From the Pilot we only meet a few characters and "Ven's" problem with his "Elf ears" as one of the bullies from the Pilot say it.
Overall an okay start, I usually prefer more action from a "Fantasy" Novel, but the whole Pilot sent me in what I think is a "Summer vibe" which I really like, but drop the drama sequences a bit, and don't use them too much. <3
Power-Hungry.
I have been reading your series before you re-made it, so I hope you appreciate it ^^
The events for the first chapter are very foggy, heading us right into the action, where two friends (maybe?) run from what I think is a group of maybe more people, trying to survive.
One thing that I didn't quite like was the way you explained one thing in the Pilot
Explanation like this are not allowed if you want to be professional, you have to make the readers understand what the object/item is and where is it coming from (context: Pilot)
Second Pilot:
*For this, I really like the art, the shadowing looks like a character made with clay in real life, which I find smooth.
One thing that bothered me was that in both episodes, the readers can't understand what is going on, which leads to less readers and less engagement.
More action (DOES NOT) lead to a more interesting story. Sometimes you just have to sit back and just think it out entirely. I would suggest to take more time to write one single episode and use more of your time to draw the chapters (I'm saying this from experience, I used to hurry my drawings because I had no patience... don't do the same thing as me)
More inner monologue would be a lot helpful if you don't really want to introduce dialogue everywhere for the readers to understand. Me, as a reader, would be grateful for that, and I think the other readers too.
Been a little rough on this you, but only because I see that you really try, even re-made your series
Sure thing! Here’s my comic give me your honest opinion on it please: https://m.tapas.io/episode/31620823
I appreciate it, ty for the feedback :)! The part with the building was something I was criticized on previously as well and meant to fix, so I may remove it in the future [I kept it there as a reminder so I wouldn’t make the same mistake in future episodes]. I noticed that the pacing was off for both episodes which might’ve been due to the fact that I draw on a smaller canvas [800x3840, or two panels, or basically 
] & when WT + Tapas resized it it shrunk panels that were previously bigger than it originally was, so I’ll try to keep that in mind when I’m test reading. Readability seems to be my most reoccurring issue so I’ll keep that in mind when it comes down to episodes as well 
️!
"Godly Masks of False Immortality"
Interesting Fantasy setting, but a bit too slow-paced for me. In my own idea, there should be a thing where you play with the information and the story progress as equals. I preferably go more towards the "story-progression" point, but I saw one of your tags to be "Slow-pacing" so I understand it. Be careful, too much information drop right from the start will cause a bit of boredom for the readers. (There is not a problem if you like explaining things this way, you can do however you want, but this is only my point).
For the rest, just as the Novel before, I can see that you are a person with high vocabulary, from the way you play with the words in complex ways.
There isn't much that I can say; The way your words just flow out and the way you put them already tells me that you know what you're doing with it.
The story is intriguing, reminded me of "Percy Jackson" and his adventures, for some reason >
I love hearing people's opinions on my comic, good or bad. If you want, you're welcome to check out Light Rising!
Second time reviewing your story and I hope this may help you a lot more than the last time ^^.
The font is a bit too big for the panel, which causes the panels to go out of the paper.
I am not a manga creator, but I don't think that this should happen.
There are a few sentences where there are grammatical issues, but it happens, because everyone is human, so this is just a slight mistake.
One last thing I would suggest is to invent names and not choose real ones for cities; It's a fictional story so it doesn't really fit to use real names for it.
