Hi! Thanks for letting me review your work! I’d like to start off by talking about the opening line!
Your opening line is incredibly important. It’s the bait on the hook which the reader bites in order to get pulled into the rest of your story.
The second paragraph is beautifully described and to be honest, you could kill and bury the entire first paragraph and we wouldn’t be missing anything.
Think about it. I want you to ask yourself why, at the very beginning of the story, do we need to know about ‘Peter’s potted petals’ and ‘burn’s cuts and crops’? What relevance do they have to the immediate narrative?
Your first and second paragraph could be squished together in order to elevate it and help the flow.
“ ‘Piper’s pied potions’ still glistened in emerald green under the beating sun. The sign swung, its shadow stretched over the door of the shop crammed like a pebble between boulders in the town square.”
One thing that always helps the flow of your work is action. Keep things moving! Your description is vibrant, but having it all be stagnant can contribute to the loss of attention from your reader. I also cut anything that I didn't feel was immediately needed for the reader to understand the bones of the plot, leaving things to discover and not clogging one of the most important parts of the story, the introduction, with unnecessary info.
“It is annoying the ever loving Daylights out of mr. Brittleson”
Exposition is never good. Snipe it, burn it, torch it and bury the ashes. I suggest only using it where you absolutely need to, since too much of it can make your reader start skimming. Instead, why not have him walk through the shop and if he’s tall, have his head be grazed by the lavender? So he spins around to see what that was, smells it, his heart pounds in hot frustration and he shakes his fist at the roof?
Maybe his least favorite color is green and he sneers at the wallpaper choice. Triggering your reader’s senses (touch, smell, sight) can help put us in his shoes since telling us how he’s feeling through exposition can disconnect us from him. Put us in his shoes! It’ll make it easier for us to empathize with him, thus root for him!
(Touch and smell and often neglected 
)
Your use of words like saunter are great, as well as him flinching instead of you telling us: “He was afraid” and something like “He reacted uncomfortably”. These short bursts of description—sauntered, flinched—are all we need to get the point! It also gives us a great mental image of what’s going on! Like we’re looking through a camera.
(I also love when you have a character clear their throat and puff their chest, that’s great!)
Your character descriptions shine! You don’t drag it on for 10,000 paragraphs, which is awesome! You should be proud of yourself for that because it’s a very easy habit to fall into, especially when you’re eager to make your reader see things EXACTLY how you are. (I know from experience lol)
Another thing that’s golden about your descriptions is that you write them with action (his braid swaying at his hip, his skin blushing in the sun). Also his shirt ‘billowing’ at the sleeves—your choice in words helps set it apart already. How often do you hear billowing anyway? That makes it all the more memorable!
(Just don’t use too many or unnecessarily big words just cause they sound cool or whatever, they’re fun but if they’re too far out there you could mess with the readability for a lot of your readers. ‘Billowing’ is great though! It’s one awesome word packed with a world of unique description that could be challenging otherwise!
I just mean something like: a ‘crepuscular’ light could be replaced with ‘a glow like dusk’ because the first could seriously throw off the flow of your work if your reader has to stop to look it up… So if a word like crepuscular can be replaced by dusk, I totally suggest it, since they both mean the same thing basically and the second is more widely known and doesn’t warrant a google search 90% of the time.)
I do have a suggestion to help the flow of your description though! ‘Immediately’ and ‘starts’. Two simple words, right?
“He has pale, freckled skin that starts blushing immediately upon greeting the sun”
That, for instance, is VERY wordy.
“The shade of his skin was paper, dotted by freckles when touched by even a pinch of sunlight.”
Pale is already a great mental image, but saying it’s like paper exaggerates it, giving it a way bolder mental image and a more off-brand description, which in turn makes it more memorable due to it standing out while keeping the point in your face and very much there. I also chose the word ‘dotted’ since it gives more OOMPH than ‘has’.
(Paper also gives him an undead campiric vibe lol)
Words like ‘has’, ‘starts’ and ‘immediately’ should be avoided. Unless you, for instance, have a scene where he’s walking and either he’s worried and can just feel the freckles popping up on his face or another character notices more and more freckles popping up as they walk through glances and then really sees it when they reach shade or take a rest or whatever, we’re going to assume it’s immediate 
(Also dark brown boots hiding his feet is a little awkward since shoes do that anyway, so I suggest changing it to something like ‘high-waisted black trousers hugged his slender legs, sinking under his deep brown boots.’)
Otherwise I love your description! Also the description of the woman with the bob, it’s very nice, short but very, very descriptive. ‘brown wavy bob of a hair upon her shoulders’ is a little awkward though, so I’d change it to something like: ‘Her brown wavy bob swept brushed her shoulder as she peeked’.)
Back to the paragraph though and unnecessary words, I’d avoid words like ‘small’ in favor of more spicy descriptions since basic words like that are more vague and get dull fast. I’m not saying you need to spent 10 paragraphs to describe it but I definitely think something like:
‘He flinched—while another man slumped through the front door, he held his breath and sprang past, brushing shoulders with him. The man turned sharply, his eyes wide and jaw dropped.
Wildflowers—sugary, flooded his nose. His clicking heels on cobblestone echoed like a drumbeat over the sparsely singing birds. Flowers poured over the fences which they themselves seemed to sprout from the flower beds.
He stopped, tensing before his gaze flickered to his shoe. He lifted his heel. Like a fallen soldier, a lily peeled from the bottom of his boot, hitting the ground—more dead spider than flower while the rest of the flowers pouring into the walkway gawked.’
I spiced it up by having him interact with the scene (the dead flower, brushing shoulders with the man) which helps to make it all more alive and convincing—like he’s actively there instead of just wandering through a prop set. I also trigger the reader’s senses with the smell of flowers and hearing his clicking heels.
The fences seeming to sprout from the flower beds instead of being a good distance away also gives the illusion of little breathing space so it’s kind of claustrophobic.
The small story here can also show us more of your character, even if it’s small. Here he seems in a rush and even dramatically clumsy with him accidentally squashing the flower portrayed as a bigger sin than it actually is.
The last critique I have is how you say: “So and so ‘does’ this” when you also say ‘Dear readers’ like it’s a story being told. It’d a bit confusing, since it’s hard to imagine this being told to me in real life like ‘okay so Mary walks over to the store’ it’s a bit small but I’d definitely change it to past-tense to have it flow better.
Otherwise, I love the soft, slice-of-life vibe your work gives. I think it’s pretty cool! You did great! I don’t say any of this to put you down as an author or say you’re a bad writer! It takes a lot of bravery just to put yourself out there and I applaud you for that! But, we all have room for improvement, no matter who we are, including me
Good luck and thanks again for introducing me to your work! I get that it’s hard but you’ve got a lot of great material to work with!
