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Feb 2021

So I wrote this story "Happy Pines18" a little while ago and since then my artist and I have been working on getting the pages fully drawn. At this point, we are nearly halfway done so some general feedback on what we could fix or just what you think in general would be much appreciated. Also if you want I can check out your work as well if you're also looking for some input from an outside source.

Here's the basic description "Ash and Karen return to work at the Happy Pines Campsite a few weeks after a gruesome attack by what officials believe to be some kind of animal killed a group of campers. What will Ash find as she tries to uncover the truth and who exactly is the mysterious Artie who showed up on-site?"

Thank you so much and if you leave a link to your story I'll try to get to it when I have a chance through the day!

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    Feb '21
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    Mar '21
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Well, I like the fact that updates are quite juicy. There's a good amount of dialogue to read and none of it seems unnecessary. You're taking your time unravelling the story but the pace is good. The art style is very Occidental but I see some japanese influence, if I'm right. It's nice, I like it, though it's a bit dirty in the coloring (the blonde girl - Karen, I think - is my favourite so far). Some background perspectives are kinda iffy but I suck at background and I know well how hard it is to draw them so I won't complaint that much. Right now everything is centered around the plot so there isn't much characters development. We don't know much of the main cast at the moment. Overall it seems an interesting story and you're putting a lot of work in it. At the same time, at the moment, it also seems very typical. It doesn't dare to break established routines.
It's worth reading anyway

I've read through what you have up so far, and it's looking like a good set-up. Some thoughts:

  1. Artie didn't originally seem to be behaving that oddly to me? He just struck me as an excited camper until he insisted on diverging during the nature walk.
  2. There are a few panels - commonly the first in an episode starting at #7 - where the text is extremely small. I'm on desktop and still had to zoom in, even though there was plenty of blank space so it could've been a normal size. Just keep that in mind and be sure you keep the text at a fairly consistent size.
  3. A lot of comics I read will have funny little comments in the descriptions, which I quite enjoy. Obviously that's not actually a part of the comic, but it lets the author's personality show through, I think, and helps endear you as an author to your readers, which could be helpful regarding ink and such. Currently, you have pretty cut-and-dry summaries of the episodes. I would suggest making them more like you commenting on the episode, judging the characters' actions, etc.
  4. Spell check. I found Minnesota spelled "Minisota," then immediately followed by the correct spelling.

That said, the actual story line is definitely interesting and I think the pacing is good. Some more character development would be good, like MTDG said. I agree that Karen is my favorite so far, though Artie seems like he could be fun as well. I'm a writer, not an artist, but the art is solid and pretty clear about what's happening. Curious to see where you take it!

(Sidenote: I just realized I read the whole thing without liking any of the episodes; I'm gonna go back and do that now. I did actually read them at a normal pace and am not just spam-liking :joy: It bugs me when that happens so just wanted to clarify)

I'd love some feedback on my novel if you're game! It's the story of two strangers who run away from their lives together, with plenty of drama and secrets along the way.

Hey, I appreciate the feedback, it's interesting to me that people like Karen so much because initially, I didn't think too much of her but as the pages have been coming out I find myself liking her more and more than when I had originally written her. I'll probably have to take a look at the text size, one of the issues is we make it in a traditional comic layout and then splice it up into separate panels so sometimes the bigger panels have some smaller text. I'll also have to up my description game it seems lol. Lastly, Minnesota will be the death of me lol, I for some reason can never catch that word when it's misspelled.

Okay now onto your story! I overall really enjoyed it, each page left me wanting more information and I found the dynamic between the two girls to be really interesting. Initially, I had assumed that Margarita was just getting over a bad breakup or something but as the story went on I found myself more and more interested in her past with this Issac guy as well as her relationship with her mother. Mitta is an interesting character two, she seems to have a lot of cash which I really wanted to learn where that all came from as well as the origin behind her name. All in all really interesting stuff and I'm interested in seeing how the plot progresses. One thing I did notice on the first page that I think either a typo or my brain is too tired to register it properly but it looked like the quotes ended at the wrong area ""...but I do have a car. Good Lord," how stupid could I have been" here.

That makes sense for the text size. I had a feeling that might have been the reasoning behind it, and best of luck with Minnesota. I've recently learned that I apparently can't spell 'marveling' to save myself (I'm determined to use two Ls), so we all have those words.

Thank you! I appreciate the feedback. That quotation end was actually intentional; the idea was to show her thoughts continuing into the next phrase even though she stopped talking out loud. Did it work? Maybe not :joy: Pretty much all of the things you mentioned are explained by the end, though it'll take a little bit to get there. I'm glad those questions are coming through and intriguing readers - that was the goal.

I'll be following along for the second half of your comic - looking forward to seeing where it goes, and thanks again for taking the time to look at mine!