Post any comic/novel here and I will give it a shot for ~5 pages (REACT EDITION)

THIRTEENTH UPDATE! (Replies 131-144)

The Mule @Ninjaniskel
=Excellent descriptive writing; the language is just a little awkward here and there. Some light editing and some style study could easily take it from ‘good’ to ‘pro-level’.
Things like switching out ‘the highest bosses’ for ‘the higher-ups’, y’know? You seem to be good at building immersion, but you keep breaking it with these unnatural turns of phrase.

Woe to the Jester @Sol_N
-Very strong, engaging intro~
=It’s kind of interesting, I guess. I don’t really enjoy reading stories with that much pathos, but it looks like a solid, professional piece of writing that people will like a lot. ^^ Best of luck~

The Ghoul @FafasMcMelt
-The faces are just a liiiiiitle uncanny. I suggest you do some expression studies, ‘cause they look pretty good…right up until they start showing emotion. ^^;
-In general, the art is so good; it could just a little work. There are so many amazing skills on display in this comic, but each and every one of them are kinda just 80% there; not all the way. It’s possible that you’ll just grow into them as the comic progresses…I certainly hope so.
=I think this is a great comic in the making. The art holds up, and the story so far is kind of interesting (I wonder, how did they identify the body if its face is gone? Unless someone came along later and took it…?)
Even the violence/action is pretty well done, although I have two notes on that: one, clarity. You may want to outline the figures of the characters with some blank space, so they don’t get lost in the chaos of the background (it’s a difficult technique in b/w comics, but there’s plenty of manga out there that can teach it to you).
Two, speed…I guess, emotive speed. I think, if you’re getting stabbed in the throat, you don’t spend a lot of time crying about it…definitely not 4 panels’ worth. ^^; The flesh there is thin, so with a sword that big you’d rip through the trachea almost immediately…and usually when people stop breathing, they either go into full panic mode or straight into shock. Just my two cents…the way you did it carries a lot of pathos, though, so even if it’s not totally physiologically accurate, I don’t blame you. ^^

Just Peachy @Disneybug314
-There’s something about Ep 1 that feels…artificial, insincere. Maybe it’s just lacking in detail, or character investment, or both. Just in general, it doesn’t feel like someone actually talking about their experiences, it reads more like a character doing a ‘last time on [ins. Series]’ recap before the new episode…
-Use quotation marks, please. Or at least some well-placed colons ( : ) to make dialogue clear…yes, even inner dialogue.
=Yeah, this doesn’t feel real. It’s not a bad story; I’m sure it’ll entertain people, but it just feels…totally devoid of style. Nothing about the phrasing or word choice makes you feel like you’re reading through the actual thoughts of someone who walked out of a time machine and into the apocalypse; there’s not enough genuine emotion.
Like in Ep 2, where MC says they’re basically having an anxiety attack…they describe physical things, like rocking back and forth and pulling out their hair, but they do it SO fast and impersonally, as if it’s not at all new to them that they’re having these feelings.
And then, not even 5 lines later, they go “the first thing to do in a zombie apocalypse is…” as if they’re in situations like this all the time. =/ Like, you keep saying over and over that what’s happening is unheard of, and shocking, and horrifying, but your character isn’t acting that way at all. It’s like this is all a game to them; it’s hard to take them seriously…in short, it’s a classic case of telling instead of showing.

FOURTEENTH UPDATE! (Replies 145-167)
First, some announcements:
***I know I have like an average 2-month return time, but I assure you; double posting will not help get your work noticed any faster. All it does is lengthen the thread. ♪(´▽｀)
***I’ve gotten comfortable with coming back here every few weeks; I don’t think I would mind doing this for the long haul. However, when I do get to the end here (which will probably happen eventually, since fewer and fewer people are actually asking for feedback ^^ ) I am gonna stop accepting submissions and close the thread. But maybe I’ll start another one.¯_(ツ)_/¯

The Legacy of Combat @Jwebtoons
-I just barely know anything about Naruto, but I’ve already got a sinking feeling that you’re blatantly ripping off some of the characters. =/ Just FYI, if you’re interested, there’s more dignity in writing straight-up fanfic than thinly-veiled plagiarism.
=In a word: amateurish. I’m not really sure where to begin in fixing it, but here are some notes:
==Pronunciation keys can go at the end of the chapter, or in the description. You don’t need them within the text (or possibly at all); give your readers some credit.
==Pick a format for your story and lean into it. Right now you’re mixing normal, grammatically correct prose descriptions with script-formatted dialogue, and it’s a little confusing for the eyes. At least capitalize the name tags so they stand out…

Bane of the Cosmos @taylorotis26
-The art is really interesting…I like the basic shapes mixed with busy patterns and linework; you don’t see that very often.
-The character’s morals seem to be in conflict…they want to expose “heroes” for all the bad things they actually do, but they are willing to befriend someone who’s literally a villain as long as it benefits them. Like, do they want the moral high ground or not…? Unless the ‘villain’ in question is only a villain by name…??
I’m not saying this is a bad thing for the character, though. Hypocrisy can be interesting, as long as you remain aware of it.
=It’s a little rough, but a beautiful comic; please don’t ever lose your style~. The story seems like it could be interesting, too, although there’s one crucial thing I’d like to point out that I hope you’re aware of: so far, it feels like this character is more or less alone in their beliefs. And in context, that doesn’t make sense.
If she were running a blog on her own, that would be one thing, but she is apparently employed as a reporter by some kind of news organization. News orgs want to sell stories to the public, so if she is writing stories that make heroes look bad, there has to be some decently-sized demographic out there that wants to read them.
Maybe they’re just using her stories for hate-clicks, or to get negative attention in a tabloid-like way…but that’s a morally gray issue all on its own, and at some point she would have to realize that the ‘truth’ she’s telling isn’t being used for the ‘right’ reasons.
Thirdly…injustice is rarely only noticed by one person, or a select ‘enlightened’ few. The people who are most affected by this injustice— for example, the people constantly displaced from their homes the way MC has been— they and the people who know them, and the people who know those people; they should all form a subset of society that’s aware of what’s going on. Maybe they’re viewed as a dismissible minority, or a counter-culture, but they should exist. In those circles, MC should be very popular and respected.

Red Dragon Part 1: Broken @ZakuratheFungi
=It’s a nice story I guess, just not very stylistically interesting. With a little more energy in the narration, it could be really good.
One thing I’ll say is that you write very well in present tense; I didn’t even realize you were using it until halfway through the first chapter.

Shot, an Anthology @blazeriddle
=A little over-dramatized, but good, I think. The characters seem really dynamic; they start to grow on you almost immediately, and that’s pretty rare in amateur writing.

FIFTEENTH UPDATE! (Replies 167-186)
***I’m back, babies~
I’ve been much too busy to be bored lately, but today I had some unexpected free time, so I decided to continue with the reacting.

KIRA: A Star Wars Story @tjjha
-“I sense no darkness in her” DUDE she is an INFANT.
…Then again, deciding whether or not someone is ‘fated’ to be evil when they’re barely old enough to think and then making the rest of their life into a self-fulfilling prophecy based on that decision DOES kinda sound like a Jedi thing to do… ^^;
=Knowing Star Wars (and thus, knowing how a story based on it and inspired by it will likely be written) it feels unfortunate that I’ve only read the first handful of pages. The story has clearly just barely begun…but from what I’ve seen, it’s an okay comic. The backgrounds are a bit difficult to read, but I have a feeling they’ll get better with time. And the characters are drawn fairly well so far (that Sith guy was pretty cute~).

Geeking Around: The Webcomic @tjjha
=It’s like…the definition of ‘hit or miss’. Most of the comics are not funny, and those that ARE funny are like, just barely. But the art isn’t bad, and it’s engaging enough to make you want to give it just one more chance, over and over again. I was 8 episodes in before I realized I was just mired in lottery mentality…anyway, this could be good, but at the moment it needs work.

Kingdom Come @ReneVergence
=I guess what’s there is somewhat engaging, but the art just leaves a lot to be desired. Pretty much all the effects so far are done in that same hairy/grainy brushwork style…like, you say that black substance is supposed to resemble ‘ink’, but it doesn’t look like ink at all. Badly drawn smoke, perhaps…
I just think, with a first couple of episodes where a lot of strange supernatural things are happening and you don’t really know who the characters are or what’s significant about any of it, you really need the visuals to be strong and to send the correct message. And I feel like there’s a disconnect between what I’m seeing and what I’m supposed to be seeing, so to speak.

The Die is Cast @vec
-First, I gotta say I really like the drawing on the thumbnail (and the banner, tbh)
-Second, I gotta say I think the artstyle is very interesting. You don’t see many artists combine such aggressive hatching with bold, actually visible outlines. And it looks like you’ve got some light-hatching in there, too; I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before.
=Unfortunately, I also gotta say that the writing so far is pretty lackluster. Plus, I had no idea what happened between Pages 2 and 3 at first; some kind of transitional paneling would’ve been nice…

Izzy! @tomcruznation
=…Pretty dull, to be honest. Every joke is the same (he builds something dangerous or accidentally causes something dangerous to happen) and none of them are funny.
I think the drawings have some charm, and could fit well in a comic with good, entertaining writing. This ain’t it, though.

I AM MEME!! @lillianl100204
-‘Snip-bits’ = ‘snippets’??
=This…honestly looks like a comic made by someone who is 7 years old. ‘_’;; I’m not sure what I can even say about it, there’s just not a whole lot there in terms of art OR dialogue…
If you are 7 years old (or at least under 15?) I recommend you wait a few years before asking for any more critiques or anything (especially from strangers). Do some more work and study on your own; try to figure out what it is you’re going for and how to create something entertaining.

The Hidden Sage and the Star Chariot @CatVI
-Maybe I was just having an attention-deficit moment, but I found the first episode to be very dense…I had to take two breaks just to kinda-sorta finish it.
Although, that is the first novel chapter I’ve ever read that hit the word-count limit (that I know of) so…
=Now that I’ve had some time to think about it, though, I think that might actually be something you want to fix? ^^; I mean, shoving the ENTIRE backstory of a character we barely know into what’s supposed to be an intense losing battle scene that maybe lasts a couple minutes tops in the story itself…? You’re taking all that tension and stretching it out and diluting it, all for the sake of fleshing out characters who don’t even have names. In the very first chapter.

It’s not an unacceptable method of storytelling, but I feel like there’s probably a better way…I mean, I’d feel pretty cheated if I had to slog through all that only to later find out that these were just minor characters who would hardly matter throughout the rest of the novel. =/

Nevertheless, I like the writing itself. It has a good flow of ideas, and although most of the dialogue so far is just fantasy technobabble it actually sounds pleasant to the ear…which is unfortunately rare. So good on you.
A lot of the similes/metaphors/descriptive language are worded strangely, though, and it’s a bit immersion-breaking, especially since pretty much everything sounds normal EXCEPT for those. Hopefully a good editor could help with that.