I have no idea when this thread will finally endâŚmaybe Iâll add it into my weekly schedule so I can get it done; Iâd rather not drag it out indefinitely. ^^;
TENTH UPDATE! (Replies 93-103)
Hetero Sakura @Koneko-chan-hai
=Kind of an interesting premise. The art is a little bleh, but you have a skill in composition that makes the whole comic feel more professional. I think it has a bright future~
The Dark Orient @raihasaki
-Some of the first few drawings are a little uncanny lookingâŚwith any realistic style, quality control is key.
-Impressive monster design~
=Overall, I think this looks like a good comic. Professional-looking art style, good dialogue & pacing, excellent compositionâŚitâs not the kind of thing I like, but I think it should do well.
The Missing Moon God @YueCross
-I think this is the first story Iâve read in this thread where the writing has an amateurish feel, but sounds good anyway. 0_0 Very interestingâŚ
=So I think this writingâs biggest issue is the pacing/spacing. Events kinda just cluster together without so much as a line break in between; you bring in new and dramatic developments in the span of a single sentence. Like, by the time I realize something serious just happened Iâm already 2 paragraphs ahead and wondering what I missed.
You might want to try to write a little more âslowlyâ; pad things out to give the reader time to absorb whatâs happening and actually feel it. A heavenly battle and subsequent MC suicide should take more than one 7-line paragraph to writeâŚI mean, I assume these things are important? If they are, you shouldnât present them in a way that implies they should be rushed through and skimmed over.
The Legend of the Flower Demon Lord @karinemmarques
-So, both the âmisunderstood/underdog evilâ AND the âtraining school to become the chosen oneâ tropes are in play hereâŚhow about thatâŚ
-AND the âMC girl who is loved by all the boys and hated by all the girls except for her lackey friendsâ trope, AND the âaiming for the one (1) mysterious boy who rejects all the girls but will probably get together with MC girl in the endâ tropeâŚwow
=Iâm probably already coming off as a hater, but I gotta say: this story feels pretty basic. =/
And the main character gives off a lot of Mary-Sue vibesâŚgenerally, when you try to write someone as the âoutcast/oddballâ and also the âdarling of the school/envy of everyoneâ at the same time, you can end up with that effect.
And of course, the ânot like other girlsâ themeâŚitâs subtle, but itâs definitely there, what with her being implied as the ONLY Princess whoâs not there to snag a warrior husband. Mm. T_T
HOWEVER, I have to admit that the premise is actually interesting. So thereâs a class of Princesses, who use their looks and charm to recruit Warriors to do quests for them, and a class of Warriors, who compete to get better quests and rewards from Princesses. Like, for once, a fantasy-school class division that has an immediate symbiotic dynamicâŚthatâs not bad.
With that in mind (and the backstory of the Ciels) I think this story could eventually mature into something really neat. But the key word there is âmatureââŚsmarter writing is needed, and a lot of it. For one thing, you gotta recognize that all these tropey themes are just that: tropey. They are old, theyâve been done, and most readers over the age of 10 have probably already seen a lot of them.
So when the narrator says something like âCan you BELIEVE weâre actually forced to compete with each other over our LOOKS??ââŚyes, yes we can. T_T Youâre in a princess school in a YA novel; the real surprise would be if you werenât.
JustâŚdonât write this story as if itâs even remotely difficult to understand. Focus less on having the MC explain and over-dramatically react to every (fairly predictable) aspect of her âquirkyâ life, and justâŚlet her live it.
