If you're still doing these, here's mine!
Hey! Here's a link to my book! In hope that your offer still stands.
Link: https://tapas.io/series/Death-before-the-Beginning/info
25 days later
I have no idea when this thread will finally end…maybe I’ll add it into my weekly schedule so I can get it done; I’d rather not drag it out indefinitely. ^^;
TENTH UPDATE! (Replies 93-103)
Hetero Sakura @Koneko-chan-hai
=Kind of an interesting premise. The art is a little bleh, but you have a skill in composition that makes the whole comic feel more professional. I think it has a bright future~
The Dark Orient @raihasaki
-Some of the first few drawings are a little uncanny looking…with any realistic style, quality control is key.
-Impressive monster design~
=Overall, I think this looks like a good comic. Professional-looking art style, good dialogue & pacing, excellent composition…it’s not the kind of thing I like, but I think it should do well.
The Missing Moon God @YueCross
-I think this is the first story I’ve read in this thread where the writing has an amateurish feel, but sounds good anyway. 0_0 Very interesting…
=So I think this writing’s biggest issue is the pacing/spacing. Events kinda just cluster together without so much as a line break in between; you bring in new and dramatic developments in the span of a single sentence. Like, by the time I realize something serious just happened I’m already 2 paragraphs ahead and wondering what I missed.
You might want to try to write a little more “slowly”; pad things out to give the reader time to absorb what’s happening and actually feel it. A heavenly battle and subsequent MC suicide should take more than one 7-line paragraph to write…I mean, I assume these things are important? If they are, you shouldn’t present them in a way that implies they should be rushed through and skimmed over.
The Legend of the Flower Demon Lord @karinemmarques
-So, both the ‘misunderstood/underdog evil’ AND the ‘training school to become the chosen one’ tropes are in play here…how about that…
-AND the ‘MC girl who is loved by all the boys and hated by all the girls except for her lackey friends’ trope, AND the ‘aiming for the one (1) mysterious boy who rejects all the girls but will probably get together with MC girl in the end’ trope…wow
=I’m probably already coming off as a hater, but I gotta say: this story feels pretty basic. =/
And the main character gives off a lot of Mary-Sue vibes…generally, when you try to write someone as the ‘outcast/oddball’ and also the ‘darling of the school/envy of everyone’ at the same time, you can end up with that effect.
And of course, the ‘not like other girls’ theme…it’s subtle, but it’s definitely there, what with her being implied as the ONLY Princess who’s not there to snag a warrior husband. Mm. T_T
HOWEVER, I have to admit that the premise is actually interesting. So there’s a class of Princesses, who use their looks and charm to recruit Warriors to do quests for them, and a class of Warriors, who compete to get better quests and rewards from Princesses. Like, for once, a fantasy-school class division that has an immediate symbiotic dynamic…that’s not bad.
With that in mind (and the backstory of the Ciels) I think this story could eventually mature into something really neat. But the key word there is ‘mature’…smarter writing is needed, and a lot of it. For one thing, you gotta recognize that all these tropey themes are just that: tropey. They are old, they’ve been done, and most readers over the age of 10 have probably already seen a lot of them.
So when the narrator says something like “Can you BELIEVE we’re actually forced to compete with each other over our LOOKS??”…yes, yes we can. T_T You’re in a princess school in a YA novel; the real surprise would be if you weren’t.
Just…don’t write this story as if it’s even remotely difficult to understand. Focus less on having the MC explain and over-dramatically react to every (fairly predictable) aspect of her ‘quirky’ life, and just…let her live it.
Here is my most popular novel. However I have more on my page so if you're interested, would be honoured for anyone to read them and possibly sub.
I think you'd like this novel I'm writing (unless you don't like unicorns). I just started publishing on Tapas and I appreciate you reading it 
.
Not sure how will the ~5 pages work since I've converted mine to mobile format, and the first chapter is made out of 30 A4 pages, but here we go? ¯_(ツ)_/¯ (sci-fi, queer, mystery)
....mkay.
The comic series is called The King of Roo.
Brief synopsis.
Religious Kingdom is under huge tensions
Cult arises.
Prince sets out to find legendary armor to stop potential civil war.
Cult wants him dead and wants to use the civil war to utterly destroy the kingdom.
...so, its worth every penny!
https://tapas.io/series/King-of-Roo
+react
Imma try and update past the Sample episode 15, cause the sample is simply me drawing a scene from Part Two of the book. (God Willing)
Here is my novel if you're still doing this ^_^ I appreciate any feedback!
Genre: romance, fantasy, drama
A slowburn with supernatural and mafia-esque twists.
Would love it if you gave mine a go, if you're still doing these. Fair warning, though, I do think the first few chapters aren't my best work, but any feedback is appreciated, so +react.
ELEVENTH UPDATE! (Replies 104-114)
Godswater @hjpetersonauthor
=I read the whole first chapter straight through, and I gotta say it was excellent. A little slow-paced but not enough to be boring, thankfully. The Watcher is really interesting, and just in general the world of the story feels real and ‘alive’, with lots of elements that I can’t wait to hear more about.
When Death Meets Chaos @uglygirlnextdoor
=Okay, so…I think the most important quality for any poem to have is a pleasant sound. You can do this by trying to make it rhyme, making rhythmic syllable combinations, breaking up words and sentences in interesting ways…
…I see none of that here. =/ It kinda looks like you just formatted normal prose into stanzas without any kind of technique in mind…and the obvious grammatical errors throughout make it hard to take the writing seriously. If by some slim chance you’re doing that on purpose…don’t. I think the poem will read a lot better if your grasp of English isn’t in question.
Life in Polaroids @ApplesOverIndia
=In a word: unnatural.
Neither of the characters feel like real people, to the point where it’s hard to maintain interest in what the narrator is saying. She’s desperate enough to run away from her old life without a dime to her name, but she’s willing to trust a complete stranger at the drop of a hat?? This ‘manic pixie dream girl’, to borrow a phrase from a commenter, doesn’t even bother to tell her anything about herself beforehand. Like, at least if they had some time to bond before they teamed up, I could believe it, but all she does is order some food and say “I got money, brb”…which feels suspiciously like a plot convenience. =/
And speaking of the MPDG: her lines in particular are very unnatural; and even if she is meant to fit into that stereotype, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve better characterization.
I think you should go over her lines and try to re-write them from her perspective: what is she running from? What does she think when she sees this crying girl in the restaurant; what does she expect from her? How does she plan to convince her to trust her (believe it or not, most real people DO need to be convinced to let a stranger into their car and run off to god-knows-where with them, especially if they are already in a vulnerable position, which MC girl seems to be).
Your writing style is pretty good, but the content itself just doesn’t live up to it IMO. Fortunately, that’s fairly easy to improve.
Run @HikaruJinx
-The formatting of the speech bubbles really needs work…for one thing, you should center the text within them. Speech bubbles are round; they don’t need straight-line margins.
For another thing, no one likes to read a huge block of text all in one sitting. Downsizing the text to force everything to fit in one panel just makes it worse…break up the dialogue, please.
-The actions of the characters are also very hard to read. Portraying movement in a comic is a language all its own, and it doesn’t look like you understand it at all yet. So that’s an area you’ll probably want to study in the future.
=Basically, this comic looks pretty amateurish in almost every way possible. It’s readable, but there’s LOTS of room for improvement, to say the least.
