- True
- False
36voters
...The outcome of this poll is probably going to be easy to predict. ^^; But despite that, I think there's a discussion to be had about why that is. I've spoken about this issue plenty of times under different topics, but this is the first time I've framed it as a pure True or False, so maybe that'll invite more responses.
So: my vote is an automatic True, because I believe most authors don't actually know how to write, period. ⚆_⚆; Even when you get into professional settings, your odds are about 50/50. It's just how it is, I guess.
But when it comes to writing romance in particular...because it's such an easy draw for any given story (alloromanticism gonna alloromanticize) it's kinda never really been something an author needs to 'know how' to write. For a very long time you could just say that characters fell in love and got married as the cherry on top of a completely unrelated story, and that was totally normal. The demand for an engaging 'relationship' to preface and build up a romance is a relatively recent phenomenon-- I'm not saying that they weren't written in centuries past, I'm just saying they weren't particularly needed or expected.
Fast forward to now, where romance is still an easy draw that you don't have to 'know how' to write, but readers still expect some amount of effort from you in establishing it...even if it's just effortful fluff, you have to do something. Which leads to all the confusion, mixed messages, time-wasting, and toxicity that you get in your average amateur romance, and all the dull and painfully predictable "awkward comedy" that you get in your average mainstream romance.
Writers seem to flounder and fall back on tired tropes just to fill time...or for the more-advanced, to provide at least a semblance of engaging character conflict and stakes. This is why will-they-won't-they is so common, in my opinion: the highest stake you can possibly introduce to a romance is whether or not it will survive...or even exist. Doesn't matter if this stake even makes sense for the characters as they are written; just make them say they're 'not sure' or 'don't know' about entering a relationship with someone they're clearly attracted to and spend absurd amounts of time with, and you can string readers along for years. Bonus points if it's never your intention to confirm the relationship or develop it beyond that single stake...as is the case with queerbaiting. T_T
Anyway, probably the worst 'tired trope thrown in to make a romance feel interesting', in my opinion, is Enemies to Lovers. Not only is it annoying, cheap, and lazy, it has completely rotted people's brains, even the brains of writers who don't care about romance. 9 times out of 10, if a non-romantic story finally introduces a romance, it will be framed as Enemies to Lovers...and only because the formerly-common Sexy Lamp and Damsel in Distress framings are now considered sexist and outdated.
Although I'd argue that Enemies to Lovers is just as sexist if not more, considering its origins...If you think this trope is toxic now, you should take a look back at how it was used in the 1940's and 50's (with an incredibly uncomfortable resurgence in the 70's...). I've seen so much of it basically used to imply that you need to "tame" a woman and figuratively/literally beat her into submission to make her fall in love with you, because a fun, wild, quirky girl is fine to date but the romance won't last unless she learns to see you as her superior.
And on the (almost worse...?) flipside, you need to "tame" a man and endure any of his violence and aggression, because it's actually a beneficial weapon you can wield against others, if you learn to manipulate him into wanting to defend you...and if you're not "woman enough" to figure that out, well, there's this romantic quasi-martyrdom to be found in suffering through marriage and quietly bearing all the pain and being so strong and mature for everyone else's sake and BLEGH ICK BLEGH BLECH
...The sad part is that a lot of ^that thinking still survives through this trope in particular: I believe that's it's main form of delivery to modern audiences. I think of it every time I hear about men using humiliation tactics while dating, and women promoting toxic masculinity, claiming that men who are kind and emotionally open are "unattractive" and weak, or must be hiding something.
Even when you're watching a kids' cartoon and the guy MC wants to get the girl MC, and his wingman tells him to "act cool and like you don't care about her"...we know it's bad advice. We know the lesson of the day will be to "just be yourself". But this idea that a romance needs to start as an antagonistic dynamic is still present, still weirdly common even in irony.
...This got pretty rambly. ^^; But my point is that it's such an easy source of conflict, even outside of its heteronormative roots, that writers lean on it way too much. To the point where the simple act of making characters not like each other somehow counts as setting up a romance...and to be clear, I don't care when fandom does this; shippers can think whatever they want. But when an actual writer is doing this, acting as they can forge a deep, meaningful relationship out of pointless bickering and constant put-downs with the occasional "well...actually they're kind of cool" moment in between...it's honestly pathetic.
Like I said, it just feels like brainrot...regurgitating the same dynamic over and over, sometimes with multiple couples in the same cast...writing as if the idea of people actually liking each other before feeling romantic attraction is "too normal" or childish, and in some cases, not needed after romantic attraction either.
^This is even more painful, when it happens: the couple is actually confirmed and together-- a rarity! -- but if they started caring about each other that would be "cringe", so they need to go on bullying each other and constantly trading insults in every line of dialogue...forever. Even though, now that they're mutually in love, we know for certain that these insults are meaningless, so it's literally just edgy window dressing. The dynamic becomes even more worthless than when it started.
TL;DR: yeah, 'will-they-won't-they' is boring, and Enemies-to-Lovers has the potential to be both boring AND toxic/offensive. But I think the reason why they're used poorly (even though they don't have to be) and the reason why many authors don't know how to write romance boils down to the same thing: fear of sincerity.
Being happy with someone and saying "I love you" without having to tack on "...dumbass" is considered wholesome-cutesy schlock. The idea that you can say those kinds of things without being cutesy-- by being serious and sincere-- is just barely entertained. It is simply a dramatic device to pull out during the climax, to make the audience cry during a big moment, to make sure they know the characters are together and in love so you never have to do anything but hint at it ever again.
And this makes a lot of romances feel hollow and disjointed, because they lack moments of honesty and emotional security that make the relationship feel strong and 'safe' for the participants. You can try to use tropes to fill in the gaps-- self-sacrifice is a common one-- but those don't stand up without adequate support. A relationship is a team effort, where both partners need to give and take: if all you show is 99% mutual taking with maybe 1% giving by whichever one of the characters is brave enough to look vulnerable for half a second...whatever you end up with is not gonna feel real, and it's not going to be memorable to anyone but shippers. And relying on fandom hysteria to carry a half-written story (a discussion for another day...) is just unprofessional and short-sighted. In 5 years your shippers will have moved on to something else, and then no one will remember why they ever cared about your story.
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