Too Old to Date?

[sarrowsmith10]

I've just noticed an up take in romance comics about women who are approaching their 30s who feel bad for themselves, because for some magical reason when you hit 30 you are undateable? I know this is just a niche genre inside romance as a whole, and everyone is allowed to like what they like. I actually have started reading several of these comics, since they are cute and I pretty much read anything that has romance in it. However, I find that art often imitates reality and since I'm in my 30s I just have to wonder about current cultural feelings on the matter.

I got married when I was in my early 20s, but a huge number of my friends didn't even date until they were out of college, paid down some of their student debt and had jobs. The feelings were that it felt irresponsible to try and find love and start a family, if they didn't have their life sorted out first. Perhaps its a uniquely American millennial thing to want to wait to get married and date? I don't think any of them were like "oh no I'm 30, no one will love me now." Anyways, I'd love to hear what other people think about it.

EDIT: For clarity, I meant that it feels like an American thing to want to wait to get married.

[VibrantFox]

The feelings were that it felt irresponsible to try and find love and start a family, if they didn't have their life sorted out first.

A recurring thing in my home (in my 20s living at home currently) is that we're told to have ourselves together and to know who we are before we dive into dating. It's something that will pop up every now and again in conversation if the topic is vaguely related so that kind of mindeset showing up in a character in one of these comics wouldn't bug me.

it's this that does:

"oh no I'm 30, no one will love me now."

I do wonder if it's an emotion felt more by younger millennials or the gen z kids because aging and growing up is becoming more of this "scary thing" it seems which sure it can be a little scary and take time to adapt and feel comfortable with but it's not the end of life.

I don't read a lot of the comics that follow this sub genre since it kind of reminds me of my own fears and insecurities about growing up but I do remember a few that I did read that were kind of fun or interesting even if it was more cause the other themes/sub genres attached

[punkarsenic]

could be to do with the influx of east asian & inspired comics? the culture of 'get married before youre 30' is a lot stronger in east asia afaik

[drewburrell19]

you're not too old to date until you're in your 80's.

discussion closed

[VibrantFox]

you're not too old to date until you're in your 80's.

having seen people in their 90s get married (for the first time) i don't really thing there's truly and age limit on dating, getting married or falling in love in general

[SleepingPoppy]

Perhaps its a uniquely American millennial thing?

Opposite! I think if anything it's a hold over from older generations when it was more common to marry younger. Waiting longer to date and marry is increasingly common in America and with the younger generations like mellenials. I think Punk is right that it's a foreign culture thing, but I think dealing with anxiety about career and romantic goals when you turn thirty (or any age) is relatable enough.

Though I think "Oh no, I'm turning 30 and I'm unmarried" is a funny trend in its specific-ness. XD

[silverraven0]

As an Asian, you'll be told that you're too old and no one will want to marry you if you're over thirty, no one will be providing to you (well...), and you'll got shamed depending on your community or family (the kind of talking behind your back or boldly saying that on your face for "your own good"). In the more disturbing words, you'll be called leftover woman if you're in China. This mainly only targeted on women, cause men will usually be able to produce offspring on whatever ages, but a woman will have the expiry date (not my word, but I don't want to talk about it too much)

That's probably ended up becoming a standard of dating on some setting of the comic if they take place in Asia.

But just take this with a grain of salt. Or more.

[azzy-m]

Weirdly enough I kind of see that thing more with Asian characters/stories made by Asian creators. I think it's because it's more prevalent in Asian culture/households.

[sarrowsmith10]

As an Asian, you'll be told that you're too old and no one will want to marry you if you're over thirty, no one will be providing to you (well...), and you'll got shamed depending on your community or family (the kind of talking behind your back or boldly saying that on your face for "your own good").

Yes, I'm starting to think this is just a cultural divide. I've seen women shamed here in the US for marrying too early. Gasps all around when she wants to be a stay at home mom. MORE gasps when she gives up her career or doesn't go to school because she got married. Personally, I was put under a lot of pressure to avoid dating until I graduated from college. When I started dating a boyfriend in college, my parents were upset with me. I was told I was sent to college to get an education, not fool around. (sighh) I think many Americans believe you shouldn't have children until you are financially secure, which for my generation is coming much much later in life when sadly its harder to be pregnant (I was pregnant in my 30s, it sucked compared to my first child in my 20s).

[Kelheor]

Perhaps its a uniquely American millennial thing?

Definitely opposite. I think it's not huge in EU, but in Russia and most Asia it's a thing. Everyone (relatives, coworkers, sometimes even friends) is telling you in the face, that if you are not married before 30, you are an old maid and you won't find anyone who "will take you", and basically you better marry any bypasser you don't know than not marry before 30. We have a saying "your clock is ticking" (only for women of course, huh), meaning of course you will be a useless old lady soon

[ben]

I think it has to do with how marriage at some point was mainly all about starting a family so it would make sense to get married and have it all be done and over with during your prime “baby making” years.

Nowadays I don’t think it’s that way at all. People are making way less babies and that’s not why people get married. Also religion isn’t as HUGE of an institution as it was in previous generations so there’s less pressure for folks.

There’s definitely still a lotta holdover though since people are being raised by those previous generations. And then there’s cultural pressure to have children for a lotta folks too. I do think it’s just that your 20s are the “prime age” to start makin babies.

I think people waiting til later in life to get their shit sorted is a hot new thing that I think is Very Cool.

[jahillinbox]

I think the perception here culturally, currently is that if you're in your 30's and aren't married, you're most likely a problematic head case with tons of baggage...

If waiting longer to even start dating is becoming a trend, then this might change...I do kind of like the idea of having everything sort of in working order by the time you are ready to date/relationship

[elyss]

This is so weird because my Tapas home page currently has one titled along those lines. Date forever. The idea that love is for the youth makes no sense to me. I avoid those comics like the plague because of what it perpetuates. Especially because it's always a woman.

[sarrowsmith10]

The feelings were that it felt irresponsible to try and find love and start a family, if they didn't have their life sorted out first.

Sorry, I meant that comment to relate to Americans not wanting to get married early, but the tendency to put off marriage until they are older.

[DokiDokiTsuna]

Perhaps its a uniquely American millennial thing?

Like others have said: nah. If it's an American thing at all, it's an American baby boomer thing, still hobbling around our society with those other misogynistic ideas like "men don't like women who are more successful than them", etc., that no one actually cares about anymore. People dredge them up to stir up conflict or virtue signal, not because they're societally relevant.

[Mari]

I'm 27 and the longest relationship I've had was about 2 weeks when I was 18.... : P

Though I think that's just me being generally undateable and scared of people.

I hate this whole thing where society at the same time is like TEENAGERS SHOULDN'T BE TAUGHT ANYTHING SEX RELATED!!! but then all of YA novels and media targetted towards teens is full of nothing but...just that. I remember when I was 15 and had just started high school and I was talking about something where I alluded to me being a virgin and two of the girls laughed at me and were shocked I hadn't done it yet. Like....I WAS FIFTEEN???

But yeah this whole pressure to be dtf and getting married and having children in your 20's is ridiculous. I've long been wondering why my generation seems so superficial, I remember being on a date with a guy and he kept apologizing for his acne and I was like bruh I wouldn't have even noticed if you hadn't said, I could not give less of a shit about your skin and he started crying (and he was this jacked gymbro). I feel like that speaks volumes what kind of expectations people have when it comes to dating. It's dumb and I hate it.

[elyss]

I don't think any of them were like "oh no I'm 30, no one will love me now." Perhaps its a uniquely American millennial thing? Anyways, I'd love to hear what other people think about it.

I feel like the idea is pretty old fashioned but still pervasive in many countries. Japan is especially bad in this regard for example. Women often find it difficult to find full-time jobs because the society they live in is still plagued with the idea that you'll be/should be married by the time you're thirty and are doomed to be some spinster otherwise.

Don't get me wrong, there are definitely outdated thoughts like that in the US. It's just not as largely preached nor is it aggressively embedded into our society to the point that our bosses will reduce our work ours 'on our behalf' because of course you will need more time to look for a husband as your expiration date of 30 is coming up.

[sarrowsmith10]

Sorry, I meant that comment to relate to Americans not wanting to get married early, but the tendency to put off marriage until they are older.

@elyss

Sorry, I meant that comment to relate to Americans not wanting to get married early, and the tendency to put off marriage until they are older.

[AceRagz]

I'm 39 and still dating lol. In my 20's I never got pressured by my parents to date or have kids but my grandmother sure tried to after my sister had kids. I will say when I was 23 I dated a woman that was 27 and it ended within six months because she was like 100% focused on marriage and kids. How bad was it? After a week of dating she was already talking about moving in. After month one she was talking about marriage and kids!

Then I dated a british woman. I was 28 she was 20. After five months she started on marriage and kids. Mostly kids though. She was always getting mad when I said I wasn't ready for kids that I wanted to live life a little more before having kids. This was often a source of fights for the next three years.

[elyss]

Oh no I meant that I agreed with you, sorry if it didn't seem to be the case