Too Old to Date?

[silverraven0]

As an Asian, you'll be told that you're too old and no one will want to marry you if you're over thirty, no one will be providing to you (well...), and you'll got shamed depending on your community or family (the kind of talking behind your back or boldly saying that on your face for "your own good"). In the more disturbing words, you'll be called leftover woman if you're in China. This mainly only targeted on women, cause men will usually be able to produce offspring on whatever ages, but a woman will have the expiry date (not my word, but I don't want to talk about it too much)

That's probably ended up becoming a standard of dating on some setting of the comic if they take place in Asia.

But just take this with a grain of salt. Or more.

[azzy-m]

Weirdly enough I kind of see that thing more with Asian characters/stories made by Asian creators. I think it's because it's more prevalent in Asian culture/households.

[sarrowsmith10]

As an Asian, you'll be told that you're too old and no one will want to marry you if you're over thirty, no one will be providing to you (well...), and you'll got shamed depending on your community or family (the kind of talking behind your back or boldly saying that on your face for "your own good").

Yes, I'm starting to think this is just a cultural divide. I've seen women shamed here in the US for marrying too early. Gasps all around when she wants to be a stay at home mom. MORE gasps when she gives up her career or doesn't go to school because she got married. Personally, I was put under a lot of pressure to avoid dating until I graduated from college. When I started dating a boyfriend in college, my parents were upset with me. I was told I was sent to college to get an education, not fool around. (sighh) I think many Americans believe you shouldn't have children until you are financially secure, which for my generation is coming much much later in life when sadly its harder to be pregnant (I was pregnant in my 30s, it sucked compared to my first child in my 20s).

[Kelheor]

Perhaps its a uniquely American millennial thing?

Definitely opposite. I think it's not huge in EU, but in Russia and most Asia it's a thing. Everyone (relatives, coworkers, sometimes even friends) is telling you in the face, that if you are not married before 30, you are an old maid and you won't find anyone who "will take you", and basically you better marry any bypasser you don't know than not marry before 30. We have a saying "your clock is ticking" (only for women of course, huh), meaning of course you will be a useless old lady soon

[ben]

I think it has to do with how marriage at some point was mainly all about starting a family so it would make sense to get married and have it all be done and over with during your prime “baby making” years.

Nowadays I don’t think it’s that way at all. People are making way less babies and that’s not why people get married. Also religion isn’t as HUGE of an institution as it was in previous generations so there’s less pressure for folks.

There’s definitely still a lotta holdover though since people are being raised by those previous generations. And then there’s cultural pressure to have children for a lotta folks too. I do think it’s just that your 20s are the “prime age” to start makin babies.

I think people waiting til later in life to get their shit sorted is a hot new thing that I think is Very Cool.

[jahillinbox]

I think the perception here culturally, currently is that if you're in your 30's and aren't married, you're most likely a problematic head case with tons of baggage...

If waiting longer to even start dating is becoming a trend, then this might change...I do kind of like the idea of having everything sort of in working order by the time you are ready to date/relationship

[elyss]

This is so weird because my Tapas home page currently has one titled along those lines. Date forever. The idea that love is for the youth makes no sense to me. I avoid those comics like the plague because of what it perpetuates. Especially because it's always a woman.

[sarrowsmith10]

The feelings were that it felt irresponsible to try and find love and start a family, if they didn't have their life sorted out first.

Sorry, I meant that comment to relate to Americans not wanting to get married early, but the tendency to put off marriage until they are older.

[DokiDokiTsuna]

Perhaps its a uniquely American millennial thing?

Like others have said: nah. If it's an American thing at all, it's an American baby boomer thing, still hobbling around our society with those other misogynistic ideas like "men don't like women who are more successful than them", etc., that no one actually cares about anymore. People dredge them up to stir up conflict or virtue signal, not because they're societally relevant.

[Mari]

I'm 27 and the longest relationship I've had was about 2 weeks when I was 18.... : P

Though I think that's just me being generally undateable and scared of people.

I hate this whole thing where society at the same time is like TEENAGERS SHOULDN'T BE TAUGHT ANYTHING SEX RELATED!!! but then all of YA novels and media targetted towards teens is full of nothing but...just that. I remember when I was 15 and had just started high school and I was talking about something where I alluded to me being a virgin and two of the girls laughed at me and were shocked I hadn't done it yet. Like....I WAS FIFTEEN???

But yeah this whole pressure to be dtf and getting married and having children in your 20's is ridiculous. I've long been wondering why my generation seems so superficial, I remember being on a date with a guy and he kept apologizing for his acne and I was like bruh I wouldn't have even noticed if you hadn't said, I could not give less of a shit about your skin and he started crying (and he was this jacked gymbro). I feel like that speaks volumes what kind of expectations people have when it comes to dating. It's dumb and I hate it.

[elyss]

I don't think any of them were like "oh no I'm 30, no one will love me now." Perhaps its a uniquely American millennial thing? Anyways, I'd love to hear what other people think about it.

I feel like the idea is pretty old fashioned but still pervasive in many countries. Japan is especially bad in this regard for example. Women often find it difficult to find full-time jobs because the society they live in is still plagued with the idea that you'll be/should be married by the time you're thirty and are doomed to be some spinster otherwise.

Don't get me wrong, there are definitely outdated thoughts like that in the US. It's just not as largely preached nor is it aggressively embedded into our society to the point that our bosses will reduce our work ours 'on our behalf' because of course you will need more time to look for a husband as your expiration date of 30 is coming up.

[sarrowsmith10]

Sorry, I meant that comment to relate to Americans not wanting to get married early, but the tendency to put off marriage until they are older.

@elyss

Sorry, I meant that comment to relate to Americans not wanting to get married early, and the tendency to put off marriage until they are older.

[AceRagz]

I'm 39 and still dating lol. In my 20's I never got pressured by my parents to date or have kids but my grandmother sure tried to after my sister had kids. I will say when I was 23 I dated a woman that was 27 and it ended within six months because she was like 100% focused on marriage and kids. How bad was it? After a week of dating she was already talking about moving in. After month one she was talking about marriage and kids!

Then I dated a british woman. I was 28 she was 20. After five months she started on marriage and kids. Mostly kids though. She was always getting mad when I said I wasn't ready for kids that I wanted to live life a little more before having kids. This was often a source of fights for the next three years.

[elyss]

Oh no I meant that I agreed with you, sorry if it didn't seem to be the case

[insomniascrawl]

Im in my mid 20's, and half of my family is American, half is not. Ironically my American family thinks I should find someone and kind of settle down and my other half thinks dating is a waste of time and I should establish myself... I personally am gonna focus on the latter, and if the former happens, that's cool too.

[Cabbage]

I don't know if this is an actual repeated phrase, I've only heard of it through one japanese friend. but she has a saying that she's heard over there: "No one wants to open a christmas present after the 25th."

Implying that women after age 25 are undesirable. This, I think, summarizes a lot about youth in women in japanese culture specifically. Youth is valued so so heavily in a lot of asian countries (being asian myself I see it a lot personally), you usually see the most desirable age for women in media being around 19-21 years old. Hell, if you just look at anime, even the oldest sexy teacher type women are usually about 24.

[elyss]

I feel that comics have inadvertently given us a new perspective into the cultures of their authors. Values are so embedded in us as creators that they become the foundation for what we want to create. This is incredibly interesting in many ways when you think about it.

I mean, a comic about a woman not being able to date over the age of 30 in the US would get some negative publicity. There was a movie in the news a while ago, the name escapes me, where the woman was being portrayed as someone who's too old for romance and it got bashed pretty hard for it. This isn't to say the Western countries get off free. The James Bond franchise is notorious for who they portray as 'attractive' and therefore romance-able. Spectre was under a lot of media for casting an 'older woman' as a Bond girl. Daniel Craig took people to task over it because gods forbid he interact with a woman his own age on screen.

[MK_Wizard]

Uh, I think that is ridiculous. I've seen women in their 60s go on dates. Heck, I dated and got married in my early thirties. And, no. I never felt bad about it. Women should be allowed to date whenever they're ready and continue to do for as long as they want. A woman's value is not dependent on her age because women of all ages are fabulous (yes, that's the feminist in me talking).

And quite frankly, I think dating should be left for the responsible adults.

[Maps]

I’m 29 (and happily in a relationship now) but I am confident enough in my game that I wouldn’t be worried about finding love in my 30s if things went wrong with my current relationship.
I also have plenty of single friends at my age who aren’t panicking about it, so I don’t really see this in real life often.
Maybe it’s more relatable for an introverted 30-something who doesn’t put themselves out there? (Which is fine... enjoy being single while it lasts lol).

My biggest crisis is saying goodbye to my 20s because I made a lot of great memories, but I just have to do the same for my 30s.

[joannekwan]

Two of my friends (we're all turning 30 next year) are actively dating. One is taking a shotgun approach, another is holding out hope for a guy she's been seeing in a sort of 'friends with benefits' situation.

Both would like to get married and start a family soon, but that's out of their own personal desire as they don't feel particularly pressured from their families or culture. (one's mexican and the other vietnamese)