Too Old to Date?

[Mari]

I'm 27 and the longest relationship I've had was about 2 weeks when I was 18.... : P

Though I think that's just me being generally undateable and scared of people.

I hate this whole thing where society at the same time is like TEENAGERS SHOULDN'T BE TAUGHT ANYTHING SEX RELATED!!! but then all of YA novels and media targetted towards teens is full of nothing but...just that. I remember when I was 15 and had just started high school and I was talking about something where I alluded to me being a virgin and two of the girls laughed at me and were shocked I hadn't done it yet. Like....I WAS FIFTEEN???

But yeah this whole pressure to be dtf and getting married and having children in your 20's is ridiculous. I've long been wondering why my generation seems so superficial, I remember being on a date with a guy and he kept apologizing for his acne and I was like bruh I wouldn't have even noticed if you hadn't said, I could not give less of a shit about your skin and he started crying (and he was this jacked gymbro). I feel like that speaks volumes what kind of expectations people have when it comes to dating. It's dumb and I hate it.

[elyss]

I don't think any of them were like "oh no I'm 30, no one will love me now." Perhaps its a uniquely American millennial thing? Anyways, I'd love to hear what other people think about it.

I feel like the idea is pretty old fashioned but still pervasive in many countries. Japan is especially bad in this regard for example. Women often find it difficult to find full-time jobs because the society they live in is still plagued with the idea that you'll be/should be married by the time you're thirty and are doomed to be some spinster otherwise.

Don't get me wrong, there are definitely outdated thoughts like that in the US. It's just not as largely preached nor is it aggressively embedded into our society to the point that our bosses will reduce our work ours 'on our behalf' because of course you will need more time to look for a husband as your expiration date of 30 is coming up.

[sarrowsmith10]

Sorry, I meant that comment to relate to Americans not wanting to get married early, but the tendency to put off marriage until they are older.

@elyss

Sorry, I meant that comment to relate to Americans not wanting to get married early, and the tendency to put off marriage until they are older.

[AceRagz]

I'm 39 and still dating lol. In my 20's I never got pressured by my parents to date or have kids but my grandmother sure tried to after my sister had kids. I will say when I was 23 I dated a woman that was 27 and it ended within six months because she was like 100% focused on marriage and kids. How bad was it? After a week of dating she was already talking about moving in. After month one she was talking about marriage and kids!

Then I dated a british woman. I was 28 she was 20. After five months she started on marriage and kids. Mostly kids though. She was always getting mad when I said I wasn't ready for kids that I wanted to live life a little more before having kids. This was often a source of fights for the next three years.

[elyss]

Oh no I meant that I agreed with you, sorry if it didn't seem to be the case

[insomniascrawl]

Im in my mid 20's, and half of my family is American, half is not. Ironically my American family thinks I should find someone and kind of settle down and my other half thinks dating is a waste of time and I should establish myself... I personally am gonna focus on the latter, and if the former happens, that's cool too.

[Cabbage]

I don't know if this is an actual repeated phrase, I've only heard of it through one japanese friend. but she has a saying that she's heard over there: "No one wants to open a christmas present after the 25th."

Implying that women after age 25 are undesirable. This, I think, summarizes a lot about youth in women in japanese culture specifically. Youth is valued so so heavily in a lot of asian countries (being asian myself I see it a lot personally), you usually see the most desirable age for women in media being around 19-21 years old. Hell, if you just look at anime, even the oldest sexy teacher type women are usually about 24.

[elyss]

I feel that comics have inadvertently given us a new perspective into the cultures of their authors. Values are so embedded in us as creators that they become the foundation for what we want to create. This is incredibly interesting in many ways when you think about it.

I mean, a comic about a woman not being able to date over the age of 30 in the US would get some negative publicity. There was a movie in the news a while ago, the name escapes me, where the woman was being portrayed as someone who's too old for romance and it got bashed pretty hard for it. This isn't to say the Western countries get off free. The James Bond franchise is notorious for who they portray as 'attractive' and therefore romance-able. Spectre was under a lot of media for casting an 'older woman' as a Bond girl. Daniel Craig took people to task over it because gods forbid he interact with a woman his own age on screen.

[MK_Wizard]

Uh, I think that is ridiculous. I've seen women in their 60s go on dates. Heck, I dated and got married in my early thirties. And, no. I never felt bad about it. Women should be allowed to date whenever they're ready and continue to do for as long as they want. A woman's value is not dependent on her age because women of all ages are fabulous (yes, that's the feminist in me talking).

And quite frankly, I think dating should be left for the responsible adults.

[Maps]

I’m 29 (and happily in a relationship now) but I am confident enough in my game that I wouldn’t be worried about finding love in my 30s if things went wrong with my current relationship.
I also have plenty of single friends at my age who aren’t panicking about it, so I don’t really see this in real life often.
Maybe it’s more relatable for an introverted 30-something who doesn’t put themselves out there? (Which is fine... enjoy being single while it lasts lol).

My biggest crisis is saying goodbye to my 20s because I made a lot of great memories, but I just have to do the same for my 30s.

[joannekwan]

Two of my friends (we're all turning 30 next year) are actively dating. One is taking a shotgun approach, another is holding out hope for a guy she's been seeing in a sort of 'friends with benefits' situation.

Both would like to get married and start a family soon, but that's out of their own personal desire as they don't feel particularly pressured from their families or culture. (one's mexican and the other vietnamese)

[elyss]

what's the shotgun approach? Like a shotgun wedding?

[joannekwan]

Dating more than one person at a time, before picking one that will hopefully graduate to 'boyfriend' status. xD

[SuperRazz]

Yeah , this is definitely because of culture. Asians are big on " by age x, you should've done this and that". I'm 23 and I'm still in college and a lot of people would think that's too old. Most people should've graduated by 21. Everyone is on this race and they think life should be set to a specific timeline.

Idk but somehow I have this idea that dating in my late 20s or 30's would be easier for me because I think people would be more mature. If you're in that age group, please affirm or correct me if I'm wrong

[Mari]

@Cabbage

reminds me of how members of morning musume would "graduate" when they hit about 20-23 yo because they were too old It's especially creepy since the main target audience of momusu is 20-30 males.

(was? no clue if H!project and tsunku is even a thing anymore or if he was outted as a sexual predator since that seems to be the norm with these idol agencies)

[SleepingPoppy]

Uh, I think that is ridiculous. I've seen women in their 60s go on dates. Heck, I dated and got married in my early thirties. And, no. I never felt bad about it. Women should be allowed to date whenever they're ready and continue to do for as long as they want. A woman's value is not dependent on her age because women of all ages are fabulous (yes, that's the feminist in me talking).

It's worth noting that of the two of these "undesirable after 30" comics I've read, the MC are, in fact, dated, desired, as are other women in that age bracket. So it's more of a critique of the pressure they're under than actually promoting the idea that dating after 30 is bad or the women are less valuable.

[Maps]

In this sense, I get it. People are always asking me when my sig other and I are getting married. Or if we plan to have kids anytime. That stuff gets annoying.

[vfinnigan]

Not even then. I've seen more than a couple weddings in nursing homes.

[Kura]

It's very much an Asian thing.

Once your're over 30, you'll become undesirable. To quote advice my sisters have gotten about being single/unmarried at 30 and trying to pressure them into getting married before then. (from other women)

"Once you're 30 you're like a 'yellowed pearl' no one will find you appealing compared to a 'white pearl' would YOU take a yellowed pearl over a pure white pearl?"

I don't agree with it, but it's very prominent in our and many Asian cultures.

[Pan]

I'm an American/Canadian millennial and I got married at 21. It'll be three years next month! I think wanting to wait to get married isn't really an "American" thing so much as a personal choice, influenced by individual culture.

For example, I live in Utah, where a large portion of the population is Mormon. A lot of people get married before the age of 23 here, and it's largely due to the fact that Mormon men are strongly advised to go abroad as missionaries for two years, and then find wives when they return. While they're gone, the girls find already returned boys and marry them.

I've seen people get engaged within three months of meeting. It's scary imho, and way more common here than you'd think. This is the only culture I've been exposed to growing up, though I know from stories my husband tells me (he's Chinese) that a lot of Asian parents want their kids to graduate university and then get married once they have jobs. But oh no, if you wait a few years, no one will want you anymore!

I don't get it, frankly lol

The whole idea that once you hit 30, you're suddenly that one left-behind avocado that got too ripe is, frankly, so silly.

LOVE DOESN'T HAVE AN EXPIRATION DATE