"Why won't you read my comic?" A thread for getting honest reader first impressions

revisionstudios 2019-12-25 18:40:24 UTC #98

Here's something that might help with expressions! It was my go-to for a long time. I think your problem right now is that you have a lot of the generi-expressions she talks about.
https://lackadaisy.foxprints.com/exhibit.php?exhibitid=333

As for the dialogue, I think it felt repetitive especially with the guard because he kept going "This vixen!" or "This bastard!" or whatever expletive. The more I think on it, I wonder if you're just including too much in dialogue? There's a lot of words that can be trimmed without losing what you're trying to convey.

Let's try this page:

I would rewrite it to be something like...

panel 1
Aku, thinking: ((What a handful...))

p2
Aku: Please allow me to apologize on her behalf!
Guard: Huh?! Why are you apologizing?

p3
Guard: You're not responsible for her actions!

p4
((remove the thought bubble from this panel))
Aku: No, but she's a friend and we're... working on it. (change expression to a nervous smile or something?)
Guard: Why even be friends with someone like that, though...

p5
Aku: ((Who knows. Maybe it's because when I first saw you...))

p6
Aku: ((You seemed so lonely.))
Aku: Shouldn't you return to your post?
Guard: Shoot, you're right!

Everything is shorter and you haven't lost anything! Plus, there's no need to explain how a character is feeling, just what they might say or think in that moment. Try saying the lines out loud when you write them and think to yourself, "Is that something I would say in conversation?"

noahhakvern 2019-12-25 23:31:02 UTC #99

A little nervous but here is my comic that I made.

Warning this it is slightly over-the-top bloody. Although because it's not too realistic, I don't think it will gross people out.

I will say that I personally don't like scrolling down on a comic like mine. It was meant for page turns. So in my opinion it can be kinda hard to read due to it being one square after another. Also there is a 40 page limit on uploads so I had to cut my chapter into two parts.

Anyway, sorry, I don't want to try to correct everything before anyone seen anything. So here is the link

denaliah 2019-12-26 00:00:14 UTC #100

Ohh now I do see how that could've been phrased better, thanks! I think it's one of those things where a few tweaks might made a whole different impression. Thanks for being willing to read more for the crit ^_^ if you do could you please this in mind for the review: I looked back at my other reply to you, I realized I forgot to mention my MC's supposed to be kind of self-centered and arrogant, tunnel visioned and egotistic, that was very much my intention XD Like he doesn't do nice things purely for altruistic reasons, BUT it's not purely for selfish reasons either. Like I said it's a fine balance, your comment made me realize I might've tilted too far one way in the first chapter trying to hammer that idea in people's heads. Anyways, thanks for your time

Sky-Chau 2019-12-26 01:23:53 UTC #101

I'm worried people are being scared off but I don't know why.

Zak 2019-12-26 05:01:45 UTC #102

Sorry to butt-in, But this seems fun so I might have a go. ^^'

Lil_Slime 2019-12-26 05:39:11 UTC #103

Oh! This helps quite a lot! Thanks!
That tutorial is topnotch, too!
Anyways, I’ll work on cutting the dialogue more, and everything else you’ve told me! This really helped me a lot, ‘cause I already knew my art was bad, but I didn’t know how to improve it, haha.
So, thanks for the feedback!

Eightfish 2019-12-26 06:23:18 UTC #104

Your link is broken for some reason, but I googled the name and found it. So that might be one reason people aren't reading it lol.

I really like your voice. Even from the preview the comic sounds appealing- the title is fun, and so is the description. Reading the comic, the dialogue flows and can be quite funny. Also, the premise is interesting and I like the twist that only neurotypical people are vulnerable to zombies. It kind of makes sense!

But I think what might be stopping people from reading it is that the presentation is kind of messy, for lack of a better word. The art in the thumbnail is clean and crisp but the art in the comic is much less so. I know it takes a lot of time to make clean art but unfortunately I do think the sketchy style makes the comic less appealing. Especially the backgrounds- it's hard to even tell where the characters are in relation to each other.

The text is also hard to read. And this is coming from someone who's own comic is often criticized for being difficult to read. But the handwritten text that keeps changing sizes is a challenge. Especially when you have words misspelled or placed too close to each other so that it's hard to tell when words start or end. This gets better in chapters 2 and 3, but it's still difficult. If you want to keep the same look, maybe consider making your own font out of your handwriting? It might even be faster than writing everything out manually.

Sky-Chau 2019-12-26 17:16:55 UTC #105

by chapter 2 I had a custom font made and it works pretty well. Spelling issues persist as I am dyslexic and art softwares do not a have a spell check.
thanks so much for the insight!

Darth_Biomech 2019-12-26 20:17:28 UTC #107

Okay. Rain it down on me. I already know that the ugliness of faces might be off-putting...
https://leavingthecradle.com

jcmraz 2019-12-26 22:38:12 UTC #108

Aside from the human faces (alien faces are fine) and some light anatomy the art is solid. It still has room for growth for sure but it's not bad That said I think some of the decisions the characters make is a bit unrealistic and they jump to conclusions that are kind of over the top. If a guy's first response to an alien crashed ship in front of them and an alien bleeding out is of obligation and conspiracy, even if he's right in the end, it's just a bit too soon. OR he's a conspiracy nutcase that just happens to be right more by luck than actual reasoning. I was also kind of confused about the immediate shot by the military instead of trying to contact (unless I missed that) as well as the aliens flying toward earth. Basically every decision that has been made feels like it's plot driven instead of character driven. Like you're saying "I want this to happen so it will" instead of making it seem likely or natural. I also think you should spend a little more time with the characters before throwing them around. Currently I don't care about anyone that anything is happening to. There's something to be said about throwing us in the middle of the action but it seemed more like you wanted it both ways but didn't quite want to commit to either. I hope that helps

Why don't you read my webcomic?

Tthoroughman 2019-12-26 23:18:34 UTC #109

Overall, I find your Art style interesting, I don't think I can really give decent criticism that hasn't already been given (ie, who is this? Who is that?) Type of criticism mostly for the start.

Here's mine for anyone who would like to check it out. I have received some feedback on it, mostly along the lines of text problems that I tried to fix on the original webtoons and applied here on Tapas before uploading. My art style has changed some since I started, but I know there are some perspective problems in these early pages. If you want to see the webtoons, let me know, for now, here's the tapas and I plan on trying to get it caught up with the webtoon.

UrMom 2019-12-27 22:20:30 UTC #110

Lol super late reply. (The holidays have been killing me!)

You know, I thought about this and while I fully understand and empathize with what you mean as far as tone, I think our visions are a little different. I've never seen Breaking Bad but I'm not much for unnecessary melodrama or action, at least for the type of story I'm doing. For TGtaHR I want something like Tokyo Godfathers without the fantastical elements and super exaggerated expressions, or 1997's As Good As It Gets. (Best examples I can think of right now.) I would also add A Beautiful Mind to an extent... a small extent. Something more quiet, human, and/or practical. Mostly I want what I'm doing to be taken seriously, or to be reflected on since I'm trying to tackle mental illness and other topics that need more acknowledgement and respect. Mass appeal isn't something I'm aiming for.

I do completely respect your feedback, though! I do plan on changing the mood later on, and incorporating flashbacks (not happy ones, unfortunately, since the comic is partially about leaving the past behind you.), but yeah! I will think about what you said, and work on improving my story and presentation.
Thank you so much! And hey, even if you lost interest I'm still grateful that you checked it out to begin with. Sorry again for the super late response.

Lucius 2019-12-28 20:26:18 UTC #111

@revisionstudios
Thank you for the criticism. So, I went back and added pages to try and fix the pacing and to clear things up regarding the situation, scene changes and the world building. I also added some establishing shots to make it more clear as to where they are and made Vance's face more distinct (because he definitely looked too much like his sister later on). On the hatching, I'm going to work on being more thoughtful with it instead of just...doing it, and I might work in grayscale later on. Regarding the reaction shots, I'll try not to do them as much. So, thank you so much for the advice! I really appreciate it.

JRHoch 2019-12-28 23:42:50 UTC #112

What a great response to criticism! You deserve a donut!

Squeakybat 2019-12-31 01:03:45 UTC #113

This thread is very interesting! I would love to hear y'all's honest opinion. So, why wouldn't you read my comic?

personaghost 2019-12-31 02:46:25 UTC #114

Here's my first webcomic in ages I want to improve my next one in terms of : plot, design, characters, etc.

ExplodingToucans 2019-12-31 22:32:36 UTC #115

With the new year coming up, I figured a constructive thing to do is to see if I could get any critiques on my comic. Hopefully some of you will stop by to check it out.

Over all, I don't think it's that bad. Early on the art is pretty messy but I feel like I've improved over the last few months. I really need to work on my lettering and pacing though.

Thanks to anyone that checks out my comic and leaving critiques!

gh0stcr33p 2020-01-01 01:00:18 UTC #116

I don't know if it was by accident, if I'm just misunderstanding this thread or if people just silently dislike me but I think I was skipped? I joined this thread hoping for a response but a conversation took place right after which might've buried it... sorry for wasting your time if anybody's reading this.

JRHoch 2020-01-01 10:58:37 UTC #117

I think the way this works is that you comment on others work and they then comment on yours. OP, care to chime in?

Eightfish 2020-01-01 20:08:11 UTC #119

Yeah, I did hope that people would reply to others when posting their own comics in this thread. I'll add that to the top post so that there will be less of an imbalance on comics vs critiques.

I was trying to hold off on replying to people so that this thread wouldn't be just my opinion and tastes in comics but I'll go and reply to the recent posts and rosie so that they don't feel ignored.

Though I do hope other people will post their thoughts on the same comics so that they can get second opinions!